Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Stupid eater.

Why is it that every time I think I'm on track- I go and prove myself otherwise?

How long has it been?  40 something days?  I was finally starting to see results.  8 pounds down- it was huge for me.  Was not eating meat, sugar or having soda.  Was working out everyday.  Was getting there!

And then today came.  Let's see...I had a protein bar for breakfast.  Lays Potato chips for a snack around 11:30.  Meatballs for lunch (excuse me? Who does that?  Straight meatballs- no sauce.).  A diet Dr. Pepper.  A Coke Zero.  Two bowls of turkey chili and 2 pieces of French bread for din smothered in butter.  No workout in sight.  Sour Cream on one bowl of turkey chili, and some mozz cheese on the other bowl.  Random handfuls of hazelnuts mixed in.  UGHHHH.  And of course, because of all the aspartame in the Diet Dr. pepper and the Coke Zero, combined with the white French bread- I'm craving sugar now.  I knew that would happen, and yet I plowed ahead with no concern.

I just looked at the clock- it's only 7:45.  I can totally still hit the gym.  I have a dinner tomorrow night with 2 foodies- which means lots of food for us.  Thai food; our favorite Thai spot in OC.  It's just the beginning of food season- what does it mean?  Will I totally fall off the wagon soon?

I need to get a grip and get one QUICK or my goal of 133-135 by Christmas is going to be a long lost fantasy.

Ugh I'm so mad at myself.

Sorry all of my posts lately have been totally food related- I know, I've been obsessed lately.  I've tried to think about other things to write about- it always comes back to this.  I will work on that, swear. :)

I did see a job online today that I think I'm going to apply for.  I wasn't really looking for new jobs- just a little part time gig to help with extra money since I need to get my credit cards paid off before grad school starts and I'm always broke...and next thing you know...I found this job.  I have no idea how much it pays but I'm the perfect candidate for it, so I think I'm going to apply.  VERY similar to what I do now- but what if it pays more?  It IS a small start up though.  They usually can't afford to pay as nicely as larger companies I've found...but it WOULD be nice to have a job that's stable if I go back to school...

Ah....the dilemma's of life.




  1. Urgh! I feel your struggle, sistah. I have been having a rough time of it, myself. It seems that this month has been a real battle for me. I had a hard talk with myself today and I am hoping that it has done some good. I did better, today.

    Rather than putting the pressure of a certain weight by a certain date on yourself, which is a great way to freak yourself out and make choices you wouldn't otherwise, how about taking a one day at a time approach. I am back to that, right now. And ti seems to have helped calm me down and enabled me to get back on track.

    Hang in there and don't give up. You are worth it and you can do this. :D

    Congrats on the new job. :)

  2. First, NO, you are not going to blow this thing. you are not!

    I don't know what happens. I wish someone could tell us. But the minute I feel like I'm having true success, I have a true crash and burn. (Your episode doesn't sound any where near as bad as it could have been. You know that, right?")

    Anyway, it's not that I'm prideful about my success, I am always so surprised and grateful that I'm finally doing it and doing it consistently and with realative ease. Just almost wonderstruck.

    And, then, BLAMMO. So what's up with that?!

    Obviously, I have no answers, but take some comfort in the fact that it is a pattern others have experienced. So, someone will have an answer. Hopefully, that will be one of your readers. :D

    Hang in there, fierce girl! And I'm glad to hear that grad school is still a possibility.


  3. Little girl - NEVER call yourself stupid. It makes me cringe because you are anything but that. We all struggle - no sorrys - just action. It never helps when TOM is looming. Good luck on the job....I'll cross my fingers and toes for you! I love you like ornaments love Cmas trees.

  4. So agree with Draz and yay on the checking out a new job! If food is on your mind talk about it. And you have made great strides. Just keep chugging!