Random stuff

I realized today while inhaling chips at El Torito that I'm eating too many calories.  I know I said this yesterday; but at least yesterday it wasn't chips and salsa.

So many wonderful things are happening right now.  A few months ago while I was still working for the beauty school, a guy I used to work with called me with a proposition to work for him.  Back then I appreciated the consideration for the job- but felt that it would conflict with my job and I didn't want to do anything unethical, so I kind of just dropped it- and so did he.  Well, a few days ago he called me again and asked me again if I could help him out.  I told him that though I appreciated the offer, I just took another new position and didn't know if I had the time to help him.  I told him that I would look around though and if I could find someone to do the job, I would send him that person's info.  Well, last night a friend of mine was complaining about not having a job for a year, and I told her about this opportunity.  She can work for herself, still make a ton of money, and he would have someone to work for him, and I would get a kick back too for helping them both.  I'm so excited!  She's coming over tonight and I'm training her so that she can start as soon as possible.  I'm so so so happy because it seems like everyone is going to benefit in this new opportunity.

However, like I told my mom- for all these wonderful things I have in the air, no money has started coming in yet.  If I can just get something in the pipeline...my mom was teasing me, calling me hustler.  I am a hustler!

Okay lovies- need to go get ready for my trade show tomorrow. Pray for me!
xo-

D

Tuesday.

I really don't have much time to write as it's already 11 and I need to go to bed so I can get up in the am for the gym again.

I just wanted to give a quick update; today was a hard, long day of work.  Not every day is going to be peachy keen, is it.  :(  Nothing out of the ordinary happened or anything, it's just hard sometimes.  I don't want to complain too  much.

I need to get a grip eating wise.  I worked out this morning at the gym (lifting weights) and then I went to yoga this afternoon- and it kicked my trash btw- but I've been eating nonstop all day.  It's just so hard to eat small portions when you're hungry!  I'm talking about self control; not starvation.  I'm eating, trust me I'm eating.  I need to just try to keep it under wraps is all I'm saying.

Anywho...

Okay- so sorry to cut this one short- really I am, but I HAVE to get to bed.  I have a trade show this weekend and will be working through Saturday.  I hate to be a complainer, but I am not used to working this much!  I mean, don't get me wrong, I love it.  But it's hard when you're used to blowing off everyday like I have been doing for the last year and a half.

Anyway- seriously, I'm out.

LOVE YOU ALL!  comments and attention to your blogs to come- swear.
xoxo-

D

Big Day

Well, I'm definitely growing in the new position.

I am loving my new job so much more than the old one.  It is hard- but I am growing more and more confident every day.  I was driving around today thinking- even though this is really tough sometimes, I am happy.  I love it, so that definitely makes it so much easier.

Today I had to have a difficult conversation with B.  She went with the boss man and did an appointment today that I helped set up last week.  Together we were able to book 4 appointments last week, which the boss said has never been done before; I'm not sure why.  Probably because 3 of them were all booked in the same day (that was when everyone started freaking out- when I called to tell the boss that we booked 3 in one day).  We went to work her area by her house and I just started asking people if they wanted a complimentary facial and it worked; people started booking.  Anyway, I feel like I did the majority of the talking during those appointments, but in an attempt not to be greedy or crazy- I told B that she could have all 3 of them because they are closer to her home and I know she is struggling as much as I am.  I am confident (and was then) that I could book more appts; especially seeing how easy it was to book those three.  Well, she took one of them (the one today) and then said she would "share" the other two.  Really?  I called the boss that night to tell him that we booked those appointments and he said that we needed to quit working together; which I agreed.  He told me that I would become resentful of her if we stayed together, and I can tell that his words are already coming to fruition.

I don't mind that she did that appointment without me today; that's not it.  The boss told her on the way there that maybe we could work together after all; he told her that we could do visits and then if we book appointments- we can alternate who gets to do the appointment.  He told me later when I called him tonight (I talk to him every night basically to give a run down of what happened that day...I feel like he's my mentor) that he said that to her because we did so well last week, that he thought maybe we had some kind of back and forth system going.  He also apologized and said next time he would ask me first before doing that.  Anyway, she texted me after the demo to see if I was game to do this, and I wasn't okay with it.  Because I feel like I did 90% of the talking last week, I feel like I should keep my appointments for myself.  While I know she needs help, at the same time- if she sold that unit today (which there is a strong possibility that the boss sold it for her), she got paid for it and I didn't.  And she isn't sharing the money, so I need to make sure I get paid too.  So I called my mom, freaking out.  She calmed me down and helped me figure out how to say it in a nice way- I finally told her that though i enjoy working with her, I don't know how my schedule is going to look and I don't feel like I should commit to more than once a week or so (to work together).  She was fine with that and I am super grateful because I would never want to hurt her- she is so sweet and nice.  I'm not quite sure she is ready for this kind of job; you have to be assertive and passionate and she is a little timid.  I'm not sure if it's because she's new to this kind of work or if it's because she is just shy by nature.  Either way- I am rooting for her to do well.  I just feel like I need to be on my own for a little while.

My point is- before today, I would've never had the guts to just bite the bullet and tell her without calling the boss first and asking him to do it for me so I don't look like the bad guy.  I am growing!  I am learning. :)

Okay lovies- time for bed.  I started working out with my friend Em again and we are now getting up at 6:30 every morning to lift weights.  Kill me.  I better be HOT this summer!

xo-

D

Easter Sunday

Hahahaha- I'm such a weirdo.

Yesterday I was in the worst mood EVER! All day.  Today- best mood EVER! All day!  Who knew??

Just wanted to write a quickie to say Happy Sabbath and Happy Easter to all of my blog friends.  What a beautiful day it is here in Southern CA.  A little cold, but warm in my heart to know that so many people are happy and celebrating this glorious day.  I am forever thankful to my Savior Jesus Christ for everything he has done for me and continues to do for me.  He is Risen my friends!

(And thank you all for reminding me to allow myself to be in a bad mood sometimes yesterday.  That is why I love you and I can't stop blogging....because you always know just what to say to calm me down. XO!)

XOXOXOX

D

Kill me.

I am in a bad mood tonight.  BAD.  It's been going on pretty much all day and I can't shake it.

How do you get yourself out of a bad mood once you're in one?  I've been avoiding all my friends so as not to rub off on them.  I am trying so hard not to be negative and to stay happy and positive and I'm kind of disappointed in myself for being so bummed...especially because I have no reason to be.  I'm just bored.  It's horrible.

I went to lunch today with B- my new coworker- and her boyfriend and I got a turkey burger for lunch around 1:30 and I am still stuffed- it's 9:15 pm currently.  This isn't normal.  I can't figure out why the hell it made me feel so full...I was STARVING before hand because all I'd had for breakfast was a protein shake around 8:30 am.  A turkey burger and some sweet potato fries and I am still on the verge of puking because I feel so full.  It can't be fullness I'm feeling...but whatever it is, it's definitely not helping my mood.

Also- don't waste your money on Water for Elephants.  I went to see it this afternoon (by myself) in hopes that it would put me in a better mood and it sucked and was a waste of my $$$...which of course only served to throw me deeper in the depths of my anger because I'm living on a tight budget right now and shouldn't have spent the money to see it.  Oh well.

I hope tomorrow is a better day...I have a lot planned.  Happy Easter to all of my bloggy friends- I love you guys!  Easter is a great time of year...isn't it??

xoxo-

D

Haven't lost that happy feeling...

Today was so much better than Tuesday...can I say that?

I've been so busy since I took this new job.  SO BUSY.  I don't have time to breathe half the time.  I haven't worked out since Monday- and I actually want to work out.  I like working out regularly because it helps relieve stress for me; and I love doing yoga regularly because it helps me feel stretched out and not sore.  I wake up every morning now (since my yoga pass expired) feeling like I'm 135 years old.  Part of the problem is I'm not getting enough sleep; I'm having a hard time shutting my mind down at night.  The other problem is that I'm not taking the time to work out, I'm not drinking enough water, and I'm not eating properly.  So my body is screaming at me every chance it gets.

I never seemed to be so rushed in my old job as I am in this new one.  And in my old job, I would take half the day to get things done that I needed to personally get done.  Now I don't have time to get anything personal done.  But you know what- I told my mom tonight- I kind of love it.  I kind of love how busy I am...but I'm not used to it and I've been sitting on the border of being overwhelmed now for a few days.  Sometimes I dip into the overwhelmed side of the fence; yesterday half way through a demo I started freaking out and the freak out lasted til 4 in the morning.  It was all in my mind.

But then today- I woke up and thought...you know what D?  You need to get a grip.  You are NOT losing it. You have a wonderful life- do you remember it?  It seems so distant, yet it's not.  You have a wonderful life that makes you so happy, and the choices you've been making are choices you've made to MAKE YOU MORE HAPPY.  So knock it off.  You are going to do great.  And then I knocked it out of the park while working with my co-worker B today.  I scheduled 3 more appointments today and I am so excited about it.

XO-

D

Humble Pie

Well, today was the first day of prospecting for the new job.  B and I (B is the other rep that was hired at the same time as me) decided to run around Huntington Beach together to see what new spa's we could find, and who we could get to let us come in and demo our products and services.  Let's just say that from beginning to end...this day has been extremely humbling.

First off- I am SUPPOSED to be the one with more experience in this arena; B is from the hotel business.  She has no prior beauty experience.  So she was full of nerves this morning when we met up; I was the "calm" one.  So I, thinking I've done a million visits in the past for my old jobs and this was no big thing, offered to do the first visit while she watched.  I arrogantly thought I was a natural at this.  Until we're standing at the receptionists desk in the first spa.  I started stammering.  I stopped breathing.  I started staring at the wall and literally froze until B finally had to step in and take over.  She very gently put her hand on my arm and started talking and I just wilted like a dead flower while she chatted away with the receptionist.  She was such a natural!  Wasn't it me that had been coaching her in the car, just mere minutes before?  Now I wanted to hang my head in shame.  Of course, after that I was freaked out.  For the next 4 visits, I quietly followed her around while she did all the work and talked to all of the receptionists.  Finally, at the last visit- I was determined to tell them how it is.  I floundered a little, but in the end I was able to get some words out.

Then tonight, I invited a few girlfriends over to get free facials for B and I to practice before my big day tomorrow.  A friend of mine works in a plastic surgeon's office in Ladera Ranch and offered to let me come in to do a demo on her staff.  When my boss asked what time I needed him to be there, I boldly told him I didn't need him (this was a few days ago).  So he gave B one of the company's hydraderm machines and told her that we needed to practice tonight.  He hasn't really talked to me much since I so quickly dismissed him the other day.  Anyway, I set up this little party with all of my friends thinking it was going to be so grand.  Everyone would come over and we'd have such fun; I went and bought a bunch of non-alcoholic drinks and imagined my girlfriends all sitting around the living room gabbing and drinking it up while B and I were doing facials in the kitchen, practicing and preaching skin health.  Needless to say- things didn't quite go down the way I'd planned.

First of all, it took us forever to get the thing set up.  Then the hand piece quit working.  Finally we broke down and called the boss.  He walked us through a few trouble shooting steps before finally telling us to bring the hand piece in to him in the morning.  I called him at 9:30 at night, to which I'm sure he was so excited to get my call after I've been basically ignoring him for 2 days.  After all my friends left, B quietly told me that she felt that maybe it was a better idea to have the boss with us tomorrow on the plastic surgeon's demo just in case.  My friends asked a lot of questions tonight, and many we couldn't quite answer.  We're just such newbies still!  I ended up calling the boss and telling him I needed him to come with us tomorrow.  He chuckled but never rubbed it in my face.  Of course he would come and help me, he said.  There was no way he was going to let me fall on my face.  I was seriously so grateful that he was so kind and helpful after I'd been such a pill this week.  So far he is one of the best bosses I've ever had; I'm completely comfortable around him and completely myself.  It is such a VAST difference from my old boss that I can barely describe it.

So it's been a long and humbling day.  While things didn't exactly go the way I'd planned...I am glad that I had B with me and that all of the little mishaps happened tonight in front of my friends instead of at the dr's office tomorrow.  And I am super grateful that I have a boss that somehow finds my craziness endearing instead of irritating.

Wish me luck on my first demo tomorrow!

xoxo-

D

Dirty Details...

Okay...so the last post of my little series is today; remember- if you want to know things...add them in the comments!  I love it when my readers ask...makes it so much easier to write.

This post comes from Deb's question about my job and the details.  She asked me to just explain the in's and out's a little more.

Basically what I'm trying to do now is kind of run my own business.  I say kind of because, even though I work for "the company", I don't work for "the company".  Are you confused yet?  They hired me to be the sales rep for Southern California, but essentially I work for myself.  I've been trained as a business consultant for med spa's, dermatologists, plastic surgeon's, day spa's, etc etc etc.  Anyone who is in the skin care industry- I will talk to.  I help them build their business through healthy skin promotion.  I discuss marketing strategies with them.  I discuss client retention with them, and how to build and keep their clientele.  We discuss staffing and opportunities for growth within their team to continue to build business.  Many times people are too busy being in business to see what's good for business...does that make sense?  And I do it all through skin care; because you can't have beautiful skin until you have healthy skin.

As far as hours- I work my own hours.  I work from out of my home.  I can call spas or dr's offices or I can drop by and leave my card- how and when I work is up to me.  I don't have to ask for time off; I don't have to turn in reports.  I love it!  Plus, the corp office is here in Orange County so I can always stop in there if I need products or if I need to use the office to do a consultation; but essentially all of Southern California is my backyard.  Orange County, Inland Empire, San Diego- all the way to the border of Mexico.  Needless to say- there are a LOT of businesses out there...I hope I can touch a few of them.

And I really believe in the business I am trying to promote.  When I saw the first seminar, I knew immediately that what they were saying was truth because I've been in the beauty industry for 8 years now as a massage therapist.  I've worked at tons of spas or little clinics that were hanging by a thread- even if they were busy and booked all day.  Just because a place is busy doesn't mean that the owners or the managers know the first thing about doing business.  There are a lot of people in this industry who don't know the best way to go about things- and that's where I come in.  I can see in the blind spots where they can't see; I can help them.

So hopefully that answers some of the questions about the job a little more.  What do you guys think?  Think there is a market for me here in So Cal???

Let's hope so-

XO-

D

 

Me and My successes

The next request I got was from Cat's Chic Chat; she asked about my band and what my biggest success was non-scale related.

I do not have a lap band.  I work hard and with a lot of blood, sweat, and tears...I lose a little at a time.  It's been a roller coaster and it's been tough; but the other day I found some old "before" pics and I can tell you that I'm so grateful for where I'm at now.  I've worked really hard, and I fall down a lot; you can tell if you read my blog on a regular basis.  But it's been worth it!  Here are some pics so you can have an idea of what I'm talking about:

The above picture was taken when I started my blog.

I took this picture yesterday while trying on clothes at the store. :)  As you can see, I'm coming along!  Slowly but surely, I am coming along.

As far as my biggest non scale success...hmmm.  There are several things that come to mind- I would probably have to say that graduating from college is the first thing that comes to mind.  It took me 8 years to complete my bachelor's, and it was one of the best things I have ever done for myself (besides move to CA).  It was so hard and there were so many times that I wanted to quit- but since I have finished it I have jumped leaps and bounds professionally and financially and even mentally and I am so so so thankful that my mother pushed me to keep going, even when it was tough.  Yep! If you're in school- KEEP GOING!!  It really does pay off in the long run. :)

And there you have it folks!  More tomorrow!!!

Xo-

D  

I keep Subway in business.

Okay...I had a few little requests, so I will take them in the order they came in- a post for each. :)

Chunky Chick asked how I ended up in California and if I cook...

Pre-California- I was living in Salt Lake City working as a marketing associate for this tech company that was based there.  My best friend Ky started working with me at the company and everyday we would go to lunch and talk about how much we hated our jobs, or the office drama.  Honestly- my life was miserable- I just didn't know it.  Before the tech company I worked for a massage studio and she worked for a med spa...so needless to say- tech was not either of our dream jobs. ;)  Anyway, Ky started dating a guy in Orange County thanks to the internet, and one day she came out to visit him in January of 2008.  Of course she came back raving about Southern California.  I still remember her and I, huddled outside of our office building on our break, talking about having to get out of Utah.  She wanted to move to Southern California and she wanted me to come.  I wasn't so sure but I also had nothing else going on.  I worked every day, went to the gym, and then went home.  I wasn't dating anyone, I didn't love my roommates, I didn't love my social life, and I didn't love my job so what did I have to lose?  She had all of these pics of palm trees and sunsets over the ocean that screamed warmth and fun; plus she always came back with great stories.  In March I came with her for a visit and immediately I was hooked.

The guy she was dating set me up with his friend and both couples ended up dating from March to July (til we moved) and it was seriously one of the funnest times of my life.  Every two weeks we would fly out here to see them or they would fly to Utah to see us.  We would also meet half way in Vegas for little getaway weekends.  After that it was super easy for her to talk me into moving. :)  So we set the goal for summer and we started saving our pennies.  We ended moving out July 1st, 2008 and I tell people all the time- it was the best thing I've ever done.  I hope I never have to leave.  Needless to say 2 weeks after I moved here, that guy and I were done.  We weren't exclusive while we were in separate cities, but once I was here, it was kind of hard to determine that we should be get serious just because we were in the same town.  I was dealing with trying to find a job and trying to make friends and all of the things that come with moving;  I didn't feel like I was in a place to have a serious boyfriend that wanted to see me and be with me every second.  I don't think he was honestly that ready either; one night while he was in the bathroom a girl sent a text to him and I saw his phone and she was saying 'thank you for the wonderful time last night'- etc etc, so I know he was dating other girls as well.  A few days later we decided 'friends' was best.  I'm so thankful things happened the way that they did because if we had actually broken up before I moved, I don't know if I would've gone through with the move.

As far as cooking...oh girl- I wish so bad I could make myself cook!  There was a short period of time where I was kind of interested in it, but since I'm single and usually only making food for myself- it's a pain in my bum to cook everyday.  I will cook if I have someone else to cook for; I actually like making healthy dishes and look at recipes all the time.  I read somewhere once that most people only rotate about 8-10 dishes and I often wonder what my 10 dishes are.  Even though I usually don't cook, I do try to eat at home to save money (the key word in that sentence is "try").  I usually have a shake or some fruit in the mornings for breakfast; I'll have a snack (usually more fruit) around 10-10:30, and then start eating "real" food for lunch and beyond.  Most of my lunches are outside of my house because of work; and usually at night I will either find random things in my fridge or a lot of times I'll end up going to dinner with friends or on a date so I try to keep most of my meals light (for example- for lunch I am almost always looking for a place that offers a small salad).  I also eat Subway about 2-3 times a week (that must be one of my dishes).  I also try to offset my horrific diet by working out; I try to go to yoga as much as I can and run as much as I can; I would say realistically I probably do one or the other or both about 3-4 days a week.  Yes yes, as I type this- I'm realizing why I might not actually be losing the last 20. :)

So there you have it friends! Why I moved and what I eat.

Stay tuned for the next post!

Xo-

D

What do you want to know.

So I haven't been updating my blog daily because I don't feel like I have much to report lately.  Tonight, while looking at other blogs, I decided I'm kind of doing a disservice to you- my reader- and myself.  I have tons of things to talk about in my "real" life- why do I feel like I can't talk about them here?  It seems unless it's work or workout related- I don't talk about it on my blog; but I want to change that.  I want to share more of who I am and what I'm about.

So before I pick a random topic, I want to know if there is anything in particular that my blogger friends want to know about me or about my life- or even just my opinion on something.  Leave a comment if you do.  If I don't get any comments, well- then I will just start picking random topics and write about them.  If you ask something that is uncomfortable or freaky- I will just ignore your request. ;)  If I have nothing (which seems impossible to me), then I might pull a story from my past and share that.  Or I might write an opinion piece about something that is happening in the news, or what I think about this or that.  Maybe I will do a short question and answer post anyway or something- I'm still mulling over this whole thing.  I might just make something up too- who knows.  I just want to write more- and I want to talk about more than just work and working out.  Help me out here-

XO-

D

Training is OVER.

Well, I finally finished training.  I am so excited about my new job that I can't stand it.  I mean, I shouldn't brag, but seriously- how the hell did I get so lucky?  I haven't had time to BREATHE, let alone check email or blogs.  But as of tonight, that will change. 

The rampage is on, yet again.  I went and got tested for allergies and intolerances last week, then I went to the thyroid doctor yesterday.  In fairness,  I have to see the thyroid doctor once a year anyway to make sure that my dosages are correct.  It's usually pretty simple- I go give blood and they tell me to stay on the same dosage.  I haven't had the dosage change in 12 years.  But I still have to go through the motions.  It was good to see the thyroid doctor because he always gets me pumped up about how I'm doing and what else I can do to help me regulate my body and get in shape.

The bottom line is- this summer is going to be the best summer ever.  I am about to start my dream job.  Talking about skin care and working in the beauty industry is and always has been my passion and now that I'm getting paid for it- I'm so stoked.  I also have seen 2 doctors in the last week to discuss what I can do to lose these last few pounds and feel good about my body.  Everything is coming together and I couldn't be happier.

I am going to read and comment on a few blogs- a better update later (sorry this is so scattered I'm also trying to talk with my friends while writing this post).  XO!!

D

The end.

Today was my last day at my old job.  Hallelujah.  No, I mean HALLELUJAH!!!

Can the new job please start already.

That is all for now. It's 1 am and I'm ready for my bed...it's calling me.

XO-

D

The Results are In...

Well, I went and got "tested".

Surprise surprise...I only have one food allergy.  Guess which one it is.  No, not dairy.  No, not gluten.  Cane Sugar.  Cane friggin sugar.  Of course.  She called it my nemesis; and she had no idea how right on she was.  Did I ever mention that sugar is the one thing I'm addicted to?  ARRRRGGGHHH!  On a scale where 10 is normal, I am at a level 50, currently, and I haven't even had any sugar for a few days!  My body retains fluid and swells up when I eat sugar...which makes perfect sense to me.  How many times have I literally eaten dessert with or for dinner and then complained the next day that I gained two pounds?  Because of the fluid.  Remember when I went sugar free for 90 days and everyone thought I lost like- 15 pounds and really I lost 8?  Yeah...all fluid.  It makes sense to me.  The good news is- I am not allergic to natural sugars, and only slightly allergic to honey.  It's CANE SUGAR...one of my loves. :(  Of course.

She also found that my thyroid is really weak.  That didn't surprise me; I have been taking thyroid medication for 12 years now.  It's causing my metabolism to be sluggish, and combined with the sugar allergy- I've been pretty much at a stand still.  It's such a relief to at least know why I've been struggling so hard to lose these last few pounds.  For my thyroid, she recommended some herbal supplements that will help strengthen it and also strengthen my stomach and liver too, since those two organs seem to be secondary behind my thyroid in weakness.  She suspects that they are weak because my thyroid is tired and weak.

She laughed at my request to find out if I could drink Diet Coke.  :)  "Every once in a while it's okay".

And there you have it!  I feel like a new woman- I am so excited to get started again on my little weight loss path.  Hopefully with my new supplements and a new resolve to avoid sugar, I should begin tightening up and losing again.  I'm keeping my fingers crossed!!!

XO-

D

Drastic Measures.

2 more days of work and I can barely stand it.  GET HERE ALREADY!  These last few days are dragging on and it is killing me softly.

I have a few things to report.

1) I've been steadily working on my emergency prep and am proud to announce I now have enough water to last me for a week; I have food to last at least a week, if not longer, and I have a little 72 hour emergency bag in my trunk.  I am so proud of myself.  I also saved a little less than $500 so far for emergency.  Mind you- this doesn't even pay my rent.  But if an earthquake hits and I have to high tail it out of CA, I will at least have enough money to buy some gas.

2) Someone stole my debit card # and has been charging up a storm at Walgreen's and Bed Bath and Beyond in Nor Cal.  Really?  I'm pissed- but luckily I caught it early enough that we were able to put a stop to it before they did too much damage.  They attempted to purchase several hundred dollars of things at Walgreen's and were denied twice. Hahahaha.  Serves you right for stealing from a broke woman!!!!  Idiots.

3) I am back on the yoga bend and have been going everyday since I got home from OK.  My body feels so good when the hour is over (it sucks during that hour).  I am going to see my chiropractor tomorrow; she is a little crazy but, more importantly, she is dead on as far as muscle testing and being able to read problems within your body due to diet, exercise, experience, etc.  I want to know if I have some mental blocks as far as these last 20 lbs are concerned.  If so, I need help releasing them.  I also want to know if I have any mild (or major) food allergies, if I need extra protein, if my body responds better to certain foods vs other crap, etc.  Am I okay drinking soda, etc etc etc.  Knowing little things like this about your body can help you when you're on the path to losing weight.  At this point- I feel like I need to know as much as I can find out about my body.

So how does she do all of this?  She finds out by "muscle testing".  This is a basic rundown of how it works:  When your body is weak in an area, than your muscles are weak in that area as well so when someone tests the muscle, they find out where the weaknesses are and then can tell you what your issues are based off of those weaknesses.  The first time I had it done- I thought it was insane.  I thought it was pure bull.  Until she started talking about certain things that had happened in my life.  Specific incidents that there is no way she could have ever known.  She was learning all of this based off of my muscles.  From there she helped me release the blockages and weaknesses that had occurred due to these events.  Since I'm a massage therapist, I'm usually willing to try new modalities of holistic practices just to see if I believe in them.  Plus I've taken energy courses while in massage school and believe strongly in good energy and the healing it can do in your body.  A good energy worker can seriously work miracles without even realizing it.  But you have to find someone you trust and that has good energy (and in my opinion- has been doing it a long time and KNOWS what they are doing).  I know- it may all sound weird.  But I'm super excited to find out a little more about my body tomorrow...I'll keep you guys posted of course.

Um...that's about it for now.  Off to catch up on some blogs- xoxo!!

D

Changes.

I am so happy.

Sometimes I sit around and ponder how I got to this point.  I don't know that I've ever felt so fulfilled or so happy in my whole life.  Blah Blah Blah I had a whole paragraph typed out about how wonderful my life is, but in an effort to condense this post I've deleted it.  Just know, I love my life lately and am super happy.

Last night I was looking at some of my fellow bloggers pages and I was a little saddened that some people seem to be stuck in the same ruts they've always been stuck in.  They complain about the same things that ail them over and over and over again- but seem incapable of really making the changes that would bring them happiness.  I've been reading the same posts for a year.  They WANT to change; they start anew consistently in a real attempt to change.  We all root for them every time, but inevitably they are stuck and end up falling back into old patterns.  I'm by no means judging or trying to come down on anyone- but it made me start thinking about people in general and how some of us change and some of us just don't, or can't.  I think of some of my friends in my "real life" who have not changed at all in the last 14 years since I've known them; and how others have changed so much you wouldn't even recognize them from 10 years ago if they walked up and slapped you in the face.

The more I think about this- the more I realize I am in the same boat and it annoys me.  I want to be different- I'm so good with change in other areas of my life- why do I struggle so much with my weight?  While on one hand I'm willing to take major risks to change my life (ie- get a new job and take a huge plunge into uncharted waters to make more money and be happier, or fly half way across the country to meet a guy to find a possible love match), on the other hand I cannot seem to lose these last 20 lbs to save my life.  As soon as I start to lose- I sabotage myself somehow, some way.  I want to lose the weight; there is no question to that.  I really, really do; I want to lose it.  I look around all day and covet other women's bodies who are smaller than me.  I know this isn't healthy, trust me I know.  Sure, I'm thankful that I'm so close to goal and sometimes I even try to just find peace within my size; but inevitably I always go back to being unsatisfied with where I am and go back on the upswing.

So that's where I'm still at.  Still.  If you're tired of reading my blog, I don't blame you.  I'm tired of complaining about the same thing.  I'm tired of telling you guys I'm on yet another rampage only to sabotage myself a few days later.  What's the mental block?  I want to vow that I will change; but I don't know if I will at this point.  Why is this so hard?  I've heard other people say this, and I get annoyed.  "Just do it" I think, and yet, here I am, asking myself the same damn question.  Not sure what it's going to take- watching all of my friends and many others lose while I'm sitting within the same 5 lb range.  Awesome.  

Please believe me though- I am overall pretty happy.  I only have 1 more week left of this job and then I'm off to new opportunities.  Now if I could just create opportunities for myself to lose the last few pounds instead of looking at it like a chore...

XO-

Bored with myself.