Well it finally happened.
I knew it would- I mean, how many times did I defend my sugar addiction as a "real addiction"? 50 times? Everyday since I started my program? I knew people didn't consider it a real problem- from the get go, I knew.
Someone from my group recently complained to a friend of a friend that people like me,who may sometimes "eat too many cookies" shouldn't be coming to the same meetings as people that have "serious" addictions (sex, gambling, porn, alcohol, narcotics). It's not the same and I guess it's not legitimate enough to gain this man's respect (sugar addiction), so he is annoyed that we are in the same group. People "like me" should go to a different meeting, so people "like him" can deal with his addiction with other real addicts. Someone with a food addiction can't possible get what someone with a sex addiction is going through.
I'm not mad- seriously I'm not. I know I'm venting about it on my blog- but I can do that- it's my blog. I've thought about it and ranted to my mother and roommate already today. Both of them were furious. I asked them if they believed that I had a real problem. I meant it; I really wanted to know today if I'm just playing vicitm or if I have a real problem. My roommate said- "You don't have to hit rock bottom to start swirling around in the muck and see the bottom from where you are. So you wanted to prevent yourself from hitting rock bottom, that's what you were doing." I asked my mother and she said, "you have tendencies- for sure D. Do I think you have a Big problem? I'm not sure you do. You weigh under 140 pounds- it just isn't logical that it's all consuming for you. But I definitely think you have tendencies, but these classes are changing you, and you shouldn't give it up because someone else is uncomfortable." I was grateful for her taking it seriously with me, as well as my roommate. I needed someone to agree with me today- that food addiction is real and it's something people struggle with. That I sometimes struggle with it. Maybe for me it isn't all consuming, but I struggle with it sometimes that much I know.
I'm grateful for all of you taking it seriously with me too. Or for not saying anything while I've gone through this if you couldn't take it that seriously. The thing is- while I might not have as serious as a problem as other people- I'm not ready to give it up yet either. I am learning new things. I am changing. I like the changes happening inside of me. I like the way I feel inside my body, and I'm not ready to let that go yet. People go to Weight Watchers and they learn new tools and they like the changes that happen to them in their meetings- I happen to go to Addiction Recovery and it works for me. Better than anything else up until this point- it works well for me.
I'm still very passionate about binge eating and over eating, and anorexia and bulimia, and people's health in general when it comes to food (which also includes eating highly fatty foods, or foods that were concocted in a lab somewhere filled with toxins and preservatives and high fructose corn syrup, but tastes like heaven). It's a soapbox I climb on often. I will continue to talk about it because I seriously see it as a huge problem in America that people refuse to address or acknowledge. We like going out to eat or having our big meals for social reasons- so even if it makes us miserable- we don't stop. We won't stop. But I will not be quiet about what it does to my health or my sanity. I will not keep pretending that overeating and food addiction are only other people's problems; not one I'd own up to. Can we honestly keep pretending it's not a serious problem? I will not sit around and make comments or jokes about people who struggle with their weight. And once I get my master's degree- I hope to continue to bring it to the forefront of conversations (hopefully through a great job I land!) because I believe that people can change. And I care about it- I honestly do. I know from personal experience that changing is worth it; because I'm doing it and I feel it and I'm reaping the rewards slowly. I know how good it feels to climb this mountain, and I will never stop talking about it. With the right tools, the right education, and the desire- people can change their lives!
That is my soapbox for tonight. I hope I have not bored or offended any of you. If I have- rest assured, I might not touch on addiction much more in the future as it has now become a personal journey. I know that this is my blog and my "safe haven" and I can talk about whatever I want- and when I want- I will. And I'm so sorry if I have offended any of you in anyway- you are my lifeline to normalcy a lot of the time and I cannot bear to lose any of you. But I will not sit here and continue to defend the reasons I chose to start going to the addiction recovery program- I'm over it. That was my. personal. decision.
Love you all-