Well it finally happened.
I knew it would- I mean, how many times did I defend my sugar addiction as a "real addiction"? 50 times? Everyday since I started my program? I knew people didn't consider it a real problem- from the get go, I knew.
Someone from my group recently complained to a friend of a friend that people like me,who may sometimes "eat too many cookies" shouldn't be coming to the same meetings as people that have "serious" addictions (sex, gambling, porn, alcohol, narcotics). It's not the same and I guess it's not legitimate enough to gain this man's respect (sugar addiction), so he is annoyed that we are in the same group. People "like me" should go to a different meeting, so people "like him" can deal with his addiction with other real addicts. Someone with a food addiction can't possible get what someone with a sex addiction is going through.
I'm not mad- seriously I'm not. I know I'm venting about it on my blog- but I can do that- it's my blog. I've thought about it and ranted to my mother and roommate already today. Both of them were furious. I asked them if they believed that I had a real problem. I meant it; I really wanted to know today if I'm just playing vicitm or if I have a real problem. My roommate said- "You don't have to hit rock bottom to start swirling around in the muck and see the bottom from where you are. So you wanted to prevent yourself from hitting rock bottom, that's what you were doing." I asked my mother and she said, "you have tendencies- for sure D. Do I think you have a Big problem? I'm not sure you do. You weigh under 140 pounds- it just isn't logical that it's all consuming for you. But I definitely think you have tendencies, but these classes are changing you, and you shouldn't give it up because someone else is uncomfortable." I was grateful for her taking it seriously with me, as well as my roommate. I needed someone to agree with me today- that food addiction is real and it's something people struggle with. That I sometimes struggle with it. Maybe for me it isn't all consuming, but I struggle with it sometimes that much I know.
I'm grateful for all of you taking it seriously with me too. Or for not saying anything while I've gone through this if you couldn't take it that seriously. The thing is- while I might not have as serious as a problem as other people- I'm not ready to give it up yet either. I am learning new things. I am changing. I like the changes happening inside of me. I like the way I feel inside my body, and I'm not ready to let that go yet. People go to Weight Watchers and they learn new tools and they like the changes that happen to them in their meetings- I happen to go to Addiction Recovery and it works for me. Better than anything else up until this point- it works well for me.
I'm still very passionate about binge eating and over eating, and anorexia and bulimia, and people's health in general when it comes to food (which also includes eating highly fatty foods, or foods that were concocted in a lab somewhere filled with toxins and preservatives and high fructose corn syrup, but tastes like heaven). It's a soapbox I climb on often. I will continue to talk about it because I seriously see it as a huge problem in America that people refuse to address or acknowledge. We like going out to eat or having our big meals for social reasons- so even if it makes us miserable- we don't stop. We won't stop. But I will not be quiet about what it does to my health or my sanity. I will not keep pretending that overeating and food addiction are only other people's problems; not one I'd own up to. Can we honestly keep pretending it's not a serious problem? I will not sit around and make comments or jokes about people who struggle with their weight. And once I get my master's degree- I hope to continue to bring it to the forefront of conversations (hopefully through a great job I land!) because I believe that people can change. And I care about it- I honestly do. I know from personal experience that changing is worth it; because I'm doing it and I feel it and I'm reaping the rewards slowly. I know how good it feels to climb this mountain, and I will never stop talking about it. With the right tools, the right education, and the desire- people can change their lives!
That is my soapbox for tonight. I hope I have not bored or offended any of you. If I have- rest assured, I might not touch on addiction much more in the future as it has now become a personal journey. I know that this is my blog and my "safe haven" and I can talk about whatever I want- and when I want- I will. And I'm so sorry if I have offended any of you in anyway- you are my lifeline to normalcy a lot of the time and I cannot bear to lose any of you. But I will not sit here and continue to defend the reasons I chose to start going to the addiction recovery program- I'm over it. That was my. personal. decision.
Love you all-
D
I have to wonder if you were 240 pounds if the guy would think it were okay for you to come to his meetings then? It really irritates me that some people think only certain types of people can suffer from certain things. Would he think that a very successful person who shows up to work every day, supports his family, and goes to every one of his kids sporting events could not suffer from a prescription pill addiction? He is ignorant, and I hope you do not let his ignorance stop you from going and getting the help you need, and have successfully been getting there. There are millions of things people can be addicted to, and any one of them has the power to control someones life (which is what makes it an addiction), so keep on keepin on!
ReplyDeleteThe guy obviously just needs to feel special. Sorry if that was mean but that is how I see it. Food addiction kills people like every other addiction. Food addiction is difficult because we have to have SOME food just to live. Hold your ground a keep going. :)
ReplyDeletePardon my bluntness... but that guy is a self-centered moron.
ReplyDeleteUse me as the example if you want. I WAS you, in high school. But I didn't get help for it, like you are having the courage to do. And I ended up a horrifically painful 460 pounds. Painful in every imaginable way, physically/emotionally/spiritually.
He, anyone, should be applauding your honesty and courage to step outside your comfort zone. To be willing to do the work, the HARD work, of change. Of letting go of the need to "use", regardless of the substance being abused.
The idiot... sorry, people like that just don't get it.
Fight for yourself, for your life. Let NO ONE take it from you. I sooo admire you doing this NOW, before it gets so much worse.
You have a wonderful story, and should be admired. People tell me "oh, you are such an inspiration". Well, I say it's people like YOU, Dizzy, that face it early on that deserve the biggest applause!!
You have my respect.
Loretta
=^..^=
Some folks are just jerks, with our without an addiction. Your co-meeting-attender appears to be one of them. He also (if I may armchair psychoanalyze for a moment) appears to the one who wants to be a professional victim... not you. After all, it's his oh so much more real addiction that must be honored, and you petty little quasi-addictioneurs need to find a new meeting.
ReplyDeleteWhat a maroon.
Sugar and food addictions are real. Yours is real. Like others said, you don't have to hit rock bottom to want to be able to do better.
Ignore the stupid. You know what you need.