Monday, November 15, 2010

Work and Weight

After much thought and deliberation- I'm thinking of going back to school to get a master's in Health Administration.  I'm very excited and nervous; I've been researching schools and programs and trying to figure out if this is "the job" for me.  I really really really want to find something that is legit- something I love- something I can call a career- and I want to find a job that I can stay at for a long time and enjoy myself.  I want to feel like I'm accomplishing something.  One thing I've learned about myself over the last few months is that I am a person who needs a little more structure.  I like to have goals- they help me to feel like i'm working towards something important.  Life is important, and I want to feel a sense of well being and contentment- and in the work related field- I just don't.  And it's starting to affect other areas of my life; which means it's time to nip this in the bud once and for all.  Does anyone work in health administration?  Does anyone want to share thoughts about it?  I don't want to make the wrong choice here...

The reason I chose HA is because I have always enjoyed 'health', but I don't want to be a nurse or a doctor.  I don't like seeing the insides of people or deal with their sicknesses.  I have been a massage therapist for 7 years and while I've always loved preaching to people about the things I've learned about the body over the years, I don't feel the need to keep working with actual bodies per se.  I've also worked on the back side of things and I love that position so much more than being on the front side (does that make sense)?   Anyway- anyone's guidance, advice, or suggestions regarding this profession would be greatly appreciated.

You guys I'm so excited and nervous!  This means I will probably have to take the GRE.  I am scared out of my mind about this.  I have put off taking the GRE for as long as I've existed pretty much.  I keep moving away from this (and all of grad school really) mostly because of the GRE.  


Such a stupid hindrance.  I don't even want to get started on all of the ways my life would be...could be different if FEAR hadn't dominated for so long.  But I'm learning...I'm moving away from FEAR...for the first time in my life.  You know what they say- Faith and Fear are opposites and cannot exist in the same plane (meaning one can only feel one or the cannot feel both at the same time).  I choose faith.

On another note- I weighed in at 140.2 this morning.  IF I break the 140 barrier it will be a day of celebration like you've never seen.  I can't wait to plummet into the 130's my friends...33 days and counting.  Abstaining from sugar has been really hard lately- worse than before Halloween.  Halloween came and went and I was really strong for some reason.  Earlier today Maimee was eating cake batter out of a cup and I almost lost my damn mind.  But I didn't cave.  I don't know why I haven't caved yet- but I'm trying to make the weight loss a focus so I'll stay in the game longer- I'd like to be able to abstain from sugar until the end of the year (or at least until the 12 steps are finished).  I just think it would be so cool to go through the holidays without worrying about weight for the first time EVER.

It's been so nice...not worrying about my weight.  Don't get me wrong- I still want to lose a little.  But the anxiety is gone.  The constant stress is gone.  The feelings of dread about going out, or what to wear, or why my face looks so's all gone.  Now I'm just here- present and happy.  People comment on how good I look- and it's only been 6 or 7 pounds.  But it's nice- I left the overweight zone and have happily, slowly cruised into a more comfortable place.  I still work out a few times a week- and I still try to eat healthy, but because I don't feel fat anymore- I don't stress anymore.  Now I just need to stay the course!!!!  And yet it's so hard...mentally I still struggle.  




  1. Great decision about school, don't let fear hold you back. Fingers crossed you see 130's tomorrow.

  2. Grad school--great idea!

    I don't know anyging specifically about Health ADministration. I know that social workers often choose that for their post-grad work, but I don't know the specific jobs that come from it other than working with skilled nursing facilities and other long-term care regulatory positions. And governmental public health agencies.

    I assume you've already checked out the jobs/professions that are listed with the info on that degree. (I'll be googling it myself as soon as I leave here!)

    I was afraid of the GREs, too. I found that they were no where near as bad as I had expected. (My math experience is severely limited.) There are several GREs to choose from and you pick the one that your school requires for the program of study you're looking at--I hadn't realized that law had a different one than social work did, for instance. (I can't remember if mine was the 'general' one or a specialized one.)

    Find out which one your school/program of study requires and get a book or study course on it. The school may be able to reccommend a specific resource. Some can be useless, others spectacular.

    The cost isn't usually too high for the good home-study ones ($50 to $150 I think) Seminars or weekly classes can be extremely pricey. If you've been out of school a while, it really would be a good idea to get some kind of study aid. The stress relief alone would be worth the money.

    Well. You probably already know and have done everything I've said. :} I'm not always profound, but I always try. chuckle.

    LOVE the idea of you going back to school. I almost made a comment suggesting it the other day, but thought better of it. Wahoo, you!


  3. You will definitely crack the 140. And sooner than later, methinks. :)

    Don't get so harsh with yourself for craving sugar. I understand why you are abstaining and what you hope to accomplish, but try to remember that it is natural for your body to crave sugar. We are wired to want and eat sugar. So, don't think of your craving as a flaw or as being bad. Just think of it as overcoming built in responses. :D

    I think that going back to school is a great idea. Go for it. And fear not.

  4. Nice blog! I like your writing way. I'm doing practice GRE here: . I hope it's useful for GRE test takers.

  5. Good luck with school, dear. You will do great. I will be starting classes again the Monday after Thanksgiving. It is fun but challenging.