Friday, November 5, 2010


Well, it's definitely been an emotional day.

ARP class tonight wasn't what I expected.  When it came time to share- I broke down in tears and couldn't stop crying- which shocked everyone including me.  I honestly had no idea it was coming...even when the guy right before me was sharing, I was still contemplating if I should even say anything at all because I didn't think I had anything to share.  At the last second I said a little prayer that whatever was in my heart- if I should share it- if it would help anyone else- I prayed that God would give me the courage to share it and then I just opened my mouth.  Words were tumbling out and then tears followed.  The girl after me started crying too.  The girl two people down from her started up a few seconds later.  Needless to say it was a very raw meeting- but it felt good.  I honestly had a huge emotional release tonight that I didn't even know was built up inside and for the first time in a long time, I am at peace.  And it feels amazing.

Let me tell you guys something- trying to recover from addiction is hard.  Please don't kid yourself and downplay the seriousness of addiction because it's "only sugar".  It's so hard; emotionally, physically, mentally. Taxing, I tell you!

Anyway- just know that there was an emotional break through tonight that has left me drained, but optimistic.  I really do feel like my little soul is healing.  And so is my body- it feels different than it has ever felt before.  I can't quite describe it quite yet but when I find the right words...

I have not had sugar in 22 days.  Next Friday will be my 30 day mark- if I can make it.  I'm motivated to do it- that's the longest I think I've ever gone.  I came home and wanted a little treat after being so exhausted by my outburst tonight- but alas, that is the slow, simmering burn that I will probably always feel.  I'm getting used to it- it's not as bad as it once was.  Reminds me of a super hero in a book- it's my curse!  But I must continue in this battle. :)  My abstinence IS getting easier; despite the anger, frustration, and occasional craving brought on by something like Coke Zero (ahem! Aspartame anyone?).

I can already tell- tomorrow is going to be an absolutely wonderful day.  I hope it's as good for you, as it is for me...




  1. That sounds like an amazing meeting. I'd love to hear more when you are ready to share what the breakthrough was about.
    Have you tried Diet Coke w/Splenda?
    It's a version I found a few months ago. Very good, no bitter aftertaste. If Splenda doesn't give you cravings that is.
    I had to go cold turkey on the stuff though - I think it was causing me to stall on weight loss.
    I hope you do have a wonderful day! :)

  2. I'm so glad you were able to let out what you were holding inside. You are doing great.

  3. "slow, simmering burn that I will probably always feel."

    i think that's a brilliant way to describe that feeling, Diz! i pray for your continuing strength.