Well, it's definitely been an emotional day.
ARP class tonight wasn't what I expected. When it came time to share- I broke down in tears and couldn't stop crying- which shocked everyone including me. I honestly had no idea it was coming...even when the guy right before me was sharing, I was still contemplating if I should even say anything at all because I didn't think I had anything to share. At the last second I said a little prayer that whatever was in my heart- if I should share it- if it would help anyone else- I prayed that God would give me the courage to share it and then I just opened my mouth. Words were tumbling out and then tears followed. The girl after me started crying too. The girl two people down from her started up a few seconds later. Needless to say it was a very raw meeting- but it felt good. I honestly had a huge emotional release tonight that I didn't even know was built up inside and for the first time in a long time, I am at peace. And it feels amazing.
Let me tell you guys something- trying to recover from addiction is hard. Please don't kid yourself and downplay the seriousness of addiction because it's "only sugar". It's so hard; emotionally, physically, mentally. Taxing, I tell you!
Anyway- just know that there was an emotional break through tonight that has left me drained, but optimistic. I really do feel like my little soul is healing. And so is my body- it feels different than it has ever felt before. I can't quite describe it quite yet but when I find the right words...
I have not had sugar in 22 days. Next Friday will be my 30 day mark- if I can make it. I'm motivated to do it- that's the longest I think I've ever gone. I came home and wanted a little treat after being so exhausted by my outburst tonight- but alas, that is the slow, simmering burn that I will probably always feel. I'm getting used to it- it's not as bad as it once was. Reminds me of a super hero in a book- it's my curse! But I must continue in this battle. :) My abstinence IS getting easier; despite the anger, frustration, and occasional craving brought on by something like Coke Zero (ahem! Aspartame anyone?).
I can already tell- tomorrow is going to be an absolutely wonderful day. I hope it's as good for you, as it is for me...