Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Surprise of the day

Well, I shit my pants today.

I'm not kidding.  I literally shit my pants; I've never done that before in my adult life (I don't think I ever did it as a child either- but if I did, I've blocked it from my memory).  I can also say- up until today- I was pretty confident that I would NOT do this in my adult life- at least until much much later in life.  I'm so thankful I wasn't at work- seriously.  I'm even more grateful that I was home ALONE when it happened.  I know this is graphic- so those of you with a weak stomach, forgive me- but I just thought I had to fart!  I was just relaxing on the sofa, watching tv (it's my day off) and apparently I had a quick dose o' diarrhea.  Just one quick dose- after the shower and the bathroom scrubbing and all clothes in the wash and the gagging and a bunch of cussing- it never happened again.  I pray it never happens again.  I never even felt the boiling/churning that comes with diarrhea usually.  Just a quick squirt and then on with my day.  Only it wasn't just a "quick squirt" but I won't get into how much really soaked my clothes and dripped down my leg and stuff.  UGH.

The other good news is- I didn't get any on the couch or carpet- but I did say "Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh!" about a million times on my way to the bathroom.  Maybe because it was my first time shitting my pants so I didn't really know it was happening and it kind of took me by surprise.  Awesome- another thing I get to have anxiety about.

So that's how MY day has been going...

In other news- I've still kept 2.5 of the mysterious 3 off.  I am now motivated because it's still gone- I went running AND did yoga today before the shitting incident.  I've also eaten pretty well (salads and toast for breakfast), and I've drank a ton of water.  It was the salad- I know it was the salad.  I made a tomato salad with mozz balls in it for lunch.  I know it was that stupid salad!

I'm also a little nervous because tonight me and "the girls" are going to Olive Garden.  I can NOT pig out- I barely dipped back into the 130's and I intend to stay here for awhile- which means I have to watch myself.  Dang it.  I don't have much control when it comes to Olive Garden's buttery breadsticks and the boats of Alfredo they grace our table with.  Oh I know these items will be ordered- they are the reason we go there.  I'm also nervous about my stomach now...I will NOT be happy if a rumble ensues and I have another bathroom issue.

Hope your day wasn't as shitty as mine. :)





  1. This so isn't funny but every time you talk about shitting your pants I just laugh. Cuz you're so sophisticated and gorgeous and I can't even imagine it and then I can see you all in a tizzy...oh God - too funny. xoxo

  2. Lord girl-at least you can tell us and make us laugh. Stay strong at the OG! Smaller pants are better than breadsticks!

  3. OMG! Poor you! That is really horrible (although told in a very humorous way)!