You guys- I'm dying. I'm a straight lunatic. You know how sometimes you become aware of this constant humming of white noise in the background? You'll kind of forget about it but then notice it again and become super annoyed? Yeah- that's EXACTLY how I feel. Sugar is on the brain. I'm gritting my teeth and chewing my nails.
But I'm doing it. I am struggling through because I know I need to. I just told my mom on the phone- every day that I can go without sugar is good for me. So if I don't make it far- at least I made it 5 days (and counting).
Here's the other thing I don't understand. This morning on my way to do an event, I picked up one of the instructors from our beauty school to ride to the event with me, and she had some mexican bread wrapped in tinfoil and a cup of coffee. I was already annoyed at the humming (it was 8:45), so to get my mind off of it I asked what was in the tinfoil.
"Mexican bread, you want some?" She started to unwrap it.
"What's Mexican bread, I've never had it. Is it good?" I asked looking over.
"It's soooo good. Here have some." She broke a piece off.
"Oh..is that sugar? I don't want any thank you. I don't eat sugar." I said, gripping the steering wheel.
"Oh, yeah it's sugar. But it's only on the top, here I'll dust it off."
"No, that's okay."
"No, it's only a little bit, here, I insist"
"No, I don't eat sugar."
"No, you'll love it! Here, see? I wiped the sugar off. Have some, I can't eat all of this. Have some."
I had a bite or two of the mexican bread. It was good, don't be fooled. But I was secretly pissed. Why is it when you say no to someone, they become more adamant that you have some? I realized while chewing the bread, that all the sugar I've had in the last 6 days, minus the 1/2 muffin, has been because someone insisted. I didn't want to try the new skittles. I didn't want to try the Werther's original chews. I didn't want to have any Mexican bread with the sugar dusted off. LEAVE ME ALONE! I'm already a raving bitch right now. No need to exacerbate the problem, people. When someone says no thanks- it's like triple effort to get someone to do it. I don't know why this happens- I even find myself doing it when people say no to me. I don't know why but I insist and insist. It's weird, but now that I'm on the other side of it- I don't like it.
Okay friends- I'm off to the gym. My friend Ape came over today to take my measurements as well as Maimee's measurements (my roommate). We're being Martians for Halloween- sexy Martians. :) The idea is so cute and fun and we're all super stoked, but I realized while she was taking the measurements that I will be the biggest one of all my friends and I got secretly pissed again. Plus, we were trying on different tops to see which one was the most flattering for the outfits we're making and again, having on skin tight tops about sent me over the edge. Halloween is 2 weeks away- I better get with the program.
Pray for me that I will not chew off my arm while trying to get through these withdrawals. Seriously- it's really hard right now, especially now that I'm stressed about the skin tight dress. I don't need sugar. I don't need sugar. I don't need sugar (chanting resumes).