Tuesday, October 26, 2010

I hate ghosts.

It never ceases to amaze me how much I think I'm over sugar- only to be constantly tempted by it again.  I know I've dragged on and on in every post about it- but it seriously consumes my life at the moment- so it has to naturally consume all of my posts too.  Feel free to skip this post if you're tired of hearing about it.

In my church- Monday night is usually the night set aside for FHE- family home evening.  It's a night designated once a week for families to do something together.  As single people, we don't have families of our own so the church has activities for the singles to come and participate in a group FHE.  It's a nice way for the singles to mingle and try to meet someone.  I am on the committee for FHE- and every Monday we have something for the singles to do, ranging from service projects to yoga.  Some of the activities obviously correlate with whatever time of year it is.  Last night was pumpkin carving and frosting Halloween cookies.  This is the 4th night in a row where sugar was RIGHT in my face.  Friday night was Haunted Hayride in LA- we ate at In N Out before the ride and had frozen yogurt/hot chocolate afterwards...I had none of course.  Sat night was the sleepover for my friend's birthday; I already told you about that night.  Sunday night was the pumpkin bar fiasco (Sunday night is always treat night- if you're not making treats at home, there's usually a dessert party somewhere close by you can hit up), and last night was FHE- frosting sugar cookies.  We did frosting sugar cookies around Valentine's Day back in February and delivered them to a local nursing home and it was a huge success; so I wasn't surprised when it came up as another activity.

Even though I've made it through every other night successfully, last night was really hard.  Really really hard.  I didn't have any cookies or frosting or anything, but I am starting to get tired of always having it right in my face.  I feel like every night I'm headed into a battlezone.  I didn't think when I entered the house last night that I would have such a fight; especially with the feeling of pride about how far I've come- but it only took a matter of seconds to smell the sugar cookies and see all of the cute sugar decor to sprinkle on the cookies after frosting them before I realized I was in a full blown war.

Last night my friend Pete, who has no idea that I'm abstaining from sugar, tried to make me a cookie.  A little gray ghost with red eyes and a pissed off mouth.  I thanked him, but declined.  He tried to show me how cute the ghost was before I finally convinced him to stuff the damn ghost in his own mouth and leave me alone.  Then Bryan brought me a cookie.  Bryan knows I'm not having sugar, so I just glared at him until he remembered.  I watched him eat three more cookies before he was finally satisfied.  Person after person visited the sugar cookie table and made cookies for themselves while I stewed in the kitchen, watching.  I didn't know what to do with myself;the pumpkin carving had not begun yet so I had nothing to do.  I felt so out of place and weird.  It was everywhere; candy bars, candy corn, and sugar cookies and frosting were strewn out everywhere.  I took to making grilled cheese sandwiches in the kitchen for anyone who wanted one- just to give my hands something to do.  Yes- I tried to leave in the beginning but the FHE president insisted I stay and since I haven't been to any FHE's in months, I knew she was right- I owed it to her to stay and help.

I wasn't aware before- how much it consumes our lives.  Driving down the street yesterday, I was stuck behind a semi-truck that had pictures of Dreyer's ice cream on the side of it.  Even when I'm driving it's in my face.

Am I being overly dramatic?  Probably.  Do I care? No.  This is a hard battle.  But I made it one more day.

12 days and counting...

D

9 comments:

  1. It is EVERYWHERE! And when we're forced to face it constantly it's tough to say no time and again, but you are ROCKING IT. Good for you babe! You must feel incredible and indestructible! Keep owning it!

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  2. You're in the middle of abstaining from an addiction. I bet an alcoholic thinks the same way - it's everywhere - commercials, beer trucks, bars, weddings, drinks after work, wine with supper - everywhere. It's like someone who can't get pregnant - everywhere they turn - they see women pregnant or babies or commercials on pregnancy tests. What you think about and fear most is going to be everywhere....as a test. Because in the past you gave in and your mind thinks it can trick you again - but not this time. You're serious. You can do this. And blog every day about it if you have to - I'll read no matter what.

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  3. It IS hard. You are doing so well, Diz, you are. I think you're battlefield analogy is serving you well. It's a war you're fighting. It's hard when so few are in the fight with you--and so many seem to be cheering on the 'enemy'.

    Posting about it is the perfect thing to do; don't apologize for using your blog as a strategy in the battle. :)

    \deb

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  4. It is crazy how many of your friends are "pushers". They really seem to take it personally that you aren't eating sugar. I think you need to come up with a solid medical excuse to give people. Something like, "Sugar gives me migranes." or "I have diabetes.". I'm not saying to make anything up, but you need a really concrete reason that people won't argue with.

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  5. I am SO with you!! It's everywhere. And lately it's free - what's up with that?! The first day I went candy-free, we were on a motorcycle ride that was blocked by a parade where - and I'm NOT kidding - they threw candy at me. All I could do was laugh.

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  6. Sugar is everywhere-even on TV-I mean food network and every other network has a freaking cake show. You can't get away from it.

    How was the gym today? I bet you kicked my ass.

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  7. Family Home Evening...every Monday night growing up we were in the living room with a board game, a scripture, and a treat of some sort. I think it's in the D&C somewhere that FHE can't be called that unless there is some kind of sugar. My favorite was rice krispy treats. Yea, so I totally relate to what you are saying. I haven't been active in years, but your post really brought back fond memories. Thank you! And on the sugar thing...I know it's not nice to lie, but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do and if telling people it gives you migraines or something like that and it works then I'd say go for it! You have to protect yourself and stand up for yourself, Good luck!!

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  8. It really is a battle, and you are doing so great. I am in trouble whenever there is frosting around, so I applaud your restraint!

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  9. I think Draz said it all. Addiction is hard and when you are trying to get past it, it seems like it's everywhere when really it was there all along but you never noticed because you were eating it. Just like when you break up with someone and everything you see, song you hear, etc reminds you of them. Pure torture!

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