I know it's only been a few hours- but I just had an epiphany (thanks to my sponsor) and I felt I should give you guys an update.
I called my girl and asked her if she would be my sponsor. She accepted, of course. I love her.
We started chatting about how hard this is and how initially I laughed at having a "sponsor"...but then our conversation took a more serious turn and I told her how I feel like I've been mourning the loss of my beloved. My friend Sugar- who has been there with me since the beginning. Blah blah. Then she said this to me: "Of course it's hard; when we see other's celebrating, we can't participate in the celebration the same way. My son just had his 40th birthday and I couldn't have cake with the rest of the family- so yes. It's hard. But D- you can still have joy. You can find joy without sugar- it's possible."
I almost started bawling on the spot.
It was exactly what I needed to hear- right at the right moment. I CAN have joy! I CAN be happy without sugar!!!!
I've always known this, of course. But I've forgotten. I was so caught up with the denial and the abstinence, that I've forgotten...
I feel so free right now!
I'm going to the gym. I just had one of the healthiest lunches in a long time. I feel refreshed; energized. I am going to a new meeting on Sunday at 5- with my sponsor. She is driving with me since it's at a different location than the one I go to now. What would I do without her? She knows my struggle. She is my friend. She is helping me get through this.