Friday, October 29, 2010


I mean...who am I???

I got up this morning and went running at 5:10 am.  Who does that?  Especially when there's no reason to?  I don't have to be up early for work or anything.  I just woke up and was like..."'s 5 am.  WTH!  I can either go back to sleep, or i can get up and start my day.  I think I'll start my day."  And I did.  Don't get me wrong, I've worked out every other day- it's not like I can't fit it in later.  I just wanted to get it done- so I did it. ;)  I went for a run and came home, took a hot hot shower, and got going.  I'm pretty pleased with myself, if I do say so myself.  I ended up having a VERY full day of work because I was awake and ready to go by the time it was work time.

It's been 16 days since I've had sugar.  I am struggling today.  I think TOM is coming.  I keep eating in attempts to stop the cravings, but the cravings won't stop.  I finally had to quit eating because I'm running out of things to eat and I know I can't really be hungry- I'm just having an eternal craving that won't go away.  I literally had to stop myself and ask- are you hungry?  Cause I keep thinking I'm hungry.  But being snacky isn't helping- so whether I'm hungry or not- I've eaten plenty today and need to chill for awhile.  I'm wearing the martian outfit tonight and CANNOT be bloated.  Day one of the martian costume about to commence in T minus 4 hours...

My neighbor came over today to chat- I haven't seen him since before he left for HI to propose to his girlfriend.  We always talk about relationships because he is the relationship guy- he's written several books on relationships.  I would tell you who he is- you probably know him- he's been on CNN and the Today Show and every other show out there, but I can't.  Not only for his confidentiality, but for mine too- I'm anonymous!!  Anyway, he said a few things to me that I've been mulling over.  First of all, I need to set the stage a little more for you: Coke- my bestie is here, of course.  She recently had a break up and the neighbor has been kind of coaching her along.  So they were talking about relationships and I came out and we started chatting and he says, "I can't wait for you to meet someone, D.  He's going to be a great catch- and you're going to be swept off your feet.  And so happy."  Which of course, I loved.  Coke followed that with, "I know right!  I wonder all the time why she's single; she's so awesome.  I don't get it- but I know she's going to meet someone soon..."  Which I also appreciated.

All of this so far was great...I was loving it (my neighbor is really hot btw).  Then he says, "I just want to make sure- to clarify- you do get dressed up and stuff when you go out though...right?  I mean, I know you love sweats, and no make up and stuff...but guys do like girls that are dressed up and cute.  I'm not talking slutty or anything- but you know, sexy."  I stared at him- shocked.  I didn't know what to say.  Um..yes neighbor...I get dressed up; Thanks.  I also put on makeup everyday.  I know you may not see it because I tend to keep to a more natural look during the day, but I have eyeliner and mascara on right now.  Thank you.  Are you saying I'm plain?  Or not sexy enough- cause I'm not sure what you mean.  Coke wasn't saying anything; suddenly something on the ground was looking super interesting because she kept kicking whatever it was around with her toe.  "Of course" I mumbled.  "Okay great- I just wanted to make sure. I mean, you're beautiful, but like I said, guys appreciate a girl that gets dressed up occasionally..." he trailed off.

I guess I need to try harder.

HAPPY HALLOWEEEEEEEEEEN!!!! I'll post pics once I have them. :)



Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Sponsor = Savior

I know it's only been a few hours- but I just had an epiphany (thanks to my sponsor) and I felt I should give you guys an update.

I called my girl and asked her if she would be my sponsor.  She accepted, of course.  I love her.

We started chatting about how hard this is and how initially I laughed at having a "sponsor"...but then our conversation took a more serious turn and I told her how I feel like I've been mourning the loss of my beloved.  My friend Sugar- who has been there with me since the beginning.  Blah blah.  Then she said this to me:  "Of course it's hard; when we see other's celebrating, we can't participate in the celebration the same way.  My son just had his 40th birthday and I couldn't have cake with the rest of the family- so yes.  It's hard.  But D- you can still have joy.  You can find joy without sugar- it's possible."

I almost started bawling on the spot.

It was exactly what I needed to hear- right at the right moment.  I CAN have joy!  I CAN be happy without sugar!!!!

I've always known this, of course.  But I've forgotten.  I was so caught up with the denial and the abstinence, that I've forgotten...

I feel so free right now!

I'm going to the gym.  I just had one of the healthiest lunches in a long time.  I feel refreshed; energized.  I am going to a new meeting on Sunday at 5- with my sponsor.  She is driving with me since it's at a different location than the one I go to now.  What would I do without her?  She knows my struggle.  She is my friend.  She is helping me get through this.


Last words..

Yesterday I realized for the first time how truly addicted to sugar I really am.  

I was driving in my car thinking, "for sure today is the day (I break down and have sugar)".  I just knew it was the day.  I was depressed about something else entirely and started thinking about how hard this really is getting.  I thought it was hard the first few days, but now...after it's all out of my system, it's really getting hard.  Not because I crave it.  But because it was a mental crutch for so long.  My whole life pretty much.  If I needed a pick me up- treat.  If I wanted to celebrate- treat!  If I was bored- treat.  The treats never stopped coming, until one day they did.  Now I have nothing to lean on- and even though I know what I'm doing is the right thing- I'm depressed about it.  It's so hard to actually deal with shit once you don't have your 'go to' crutch.  I don't know why- but I mourn the loss of sugar- seriously.  I know that's a funny sentence...but I'm dead serious.  I'm mourning the loss of one of my most dearest beloveds.  How do you not mourn that loss?

I was complaining to my mother about it (I'm so thankful she answered the phone!), and even she wasn't understanding.  "You need a treat" she said.  "It's been almost two weeks.  Get some sugar free jello..." she started..."Mom you don't get it.  I've had treats without sugar.  It's not the same.  Having a treat, whether sugar free or not, is not the solution."  I wanted her to understand so badly.  I'm not even sure I'm making sense to YOU guys, let alone her or anyone else.  It's not about the treat.  Of course I can have a treat.  But I can't substitute a sugar free treat for a regular treat- that's still using a crutch.  I need to learn to walk without crutches.

I'm so thankful for the gym in the last 2 weeks.  If it weren't for that damn stairmaster (I NEVER thought I'd be saying this) to get me through, I know I would've caved by now.  

I know it shouldn't be depressing- I should be elated- I'm overcoming my addiction.  But it kind of makes sense to me that depression is part of the healing process.  You're giving up something you love.  Sugar has been proven to release opiates in the brain just as heroin or any other drug does.  How have I released any opiates in the last few weeks?  Have I even?  I don't know.  Maybe from the gym I hope.  My whole life, I've carelessly released opiates with sugar's help, and now I can't do that anymore.  

I will still trudge forward though.  Things are getting better- despite the pitiful tone of this post.  Today I am not nearly as depressed as I was yesterday; I am getting better.  I'm just really sick of my job today which isn't helping anything- but at least my weight is still down and my body physically feels great.  I'm so much more energetic and less tired, even later in the evenings, than normal.  It's crazy weird, but so nice.  Hopefully I will continue to lose weight on this journey.  Yesterday I started journaling my foods again.  I go to the gym everyday.  I am eating so many healthy, yummy foods that are good for my body- and I feel so good about that. 

The sad news is- tomorrow night I have to work.  Tomorrow night is my addiction recovery class.  I'm freaking out.  I want to go so badly- I need to go so badly.  I have to work though.  I think what I'll do is call the girl that I've designated as my sponsor and find out where the other classes meet, and just go to another class this week that is different than my own.  It will be different people, but that's okay- it's progress.  I don't think I can make it another week without the class.  I picked the girl that inspired me to do this as my sponsor because she has gone 70 days without sugar and I feel like she gets me more than anyone at this point...or at least what I'm going through.  I am so thankful to her for everything she's done for me- she has helped me so much in actually taking the step to begin the process to kick this thing.

Whew!  A lot on my mind.  I think this might be one of the last posts about the sugar thing.  I'm don't want to obsess about this- it's just another step in the process.  Even if I'm obsessing, I don't feel like it's healthy to dwell on it constantly.  I need to accept that this is my life now and even as I continue through it and make it "normal" for me, I want to just focus on the things that make me happy and keep me uplifted.  

So thank you for reading!  Seriously- you guys don't know how much you are helping me with your comments.  I look forward to and am so thankful for every word written.  You really do give me added strength. :)  



Tuesday, October 26, 2010

I hate ghosts.

It never ceases to amaze me how much I think I'm over sugar- only to be constantly tempted by it again.  I know I've dragged on and on in every post about it- but it seriously consumes my life at the moment- so it has to naturally consume all of my posts too.  Feel free to skip this post if you're tired of hearing about it.

In my church- Monday night is usually the night set aside for FHE- family home evening.  It's a night designated once a week for families to do something together.  As single people, we don't have families of our own so the church has activities for the singles to come and participate in a group FHE.  It's a nice way for the singles to mingle and try to meet someone.  I am on the committee for FHE- and every Monday we have something for the singles to do, ranging from service projects to yoga.  Some of the activities obviously correlate with whatever time of year it is.  Last night was pumpkin carving and frosting Halloween cookies.  This is the 4th night in a row where sugar was RIGHT in my face.  Friday night was Haunted Hayride in LA- we ate at In N Out before the ride and had frozen yogurt/hot chocolate afterwards...I had none of course.  Sat night was the sleepover for my friend's birthday; I already told you about that night.  Sunday night was the pumpkin bar fiasco (Sunday night is always treat night- if you're not making treats at home, there's usually a dessert party somewhere close by you can hit up), and last night was FHE- frosting sugar cookies.  We did frosting sugar cookies around Valentine's Day back in February and delivered them to a local nursing home and it was a huge success; so I wasn't surprised when it came up as another activity.

Even though I've made it through every other night successfully, last night was really hard.  Really really hard.  I didn't have any cookies or frosting or anything, but I am starting to get tired of always having it right in my face.  I feel like every night I'm headed into a battlezone.  I didn't think when I entered the house last night that I would have such a fight; especially with the feeling of pride about how far I've come- but it only took a matter of seconds to smell the sugar cookies and see all of the cute sugar decor to sprinkle on the cookies after frosting them before I realized I was in a full blown war.

Last night my friend Pete, who has no idea that I'm abstaining from sugar, tried to make me a cookie.  A little gray ghost with red eyes and a pissed off mouth.  I thanked him, but declined.  He tried to show me how cute the ghost was before I finally convinced him to stuff the damn ghost in his own mouth and leave me alone.  Then Bryan brought me a cookie.  Bryan knows I'm not having sugar, so I just glared at him until he remembered.  I watched him eat three more cookies before he was finally satisfied.  Person after person visited the sugar cookie table and made cookies for themselves while I stewed in the kitchen, watching.  I didn't know what to do with myself;the pumpkin carving had not begun yet so I had nothing to do.  I felt so out of place and weird.  It was everywhere; candy bars, candy corn, and sugar cookies and frosting were strewn out everywhere.  I took to making grilled cheese sandwiches in the kitchen for anyone who wanted one- just to give my hands something to do.  Yes- I tried to leave in the beginning but the FHE president insisted I stay and since I haven't been to any FHE's in months, I knew she was right- I owed it to her to stay and help.

I wasn't aware before- how much it consumes our lives.  Driving down the street yesterday, I was stuck behind a semi-truck that had pictures of Dreyer's ice cream on the side of it.  Even when I'm driving it's in my face.

Am I being overly dramatic?  Probably.  Do I care? No.  This is a hard battle.  But I made it one more day.

12 days and counting...


Monday, October 25, 2010

Sugar Free and Happy

Hello my little jelly beans!

Well...what can I tell you?  I have been thinking about you all day.  Thank you all so much for the kind supportive comments on my last post.  I'll have you all know I didn't have a LICK or a BITE or ANYTHING of any kind last night (of sugar).  It felt really good and I think my roommate finally realized I'm serious about this.  She came in my bathroom this morning while I was getting ready and actually acknowledged, without me mentioning a word, how hard it must be to abstain when there are treats all over our house- to which I kindly informed her that it's not hard at all anymore because the physical cravings are gone.  This- of course- is only a semi-true statement.  The physical cravings ARE gone- but I still struggle mentally.  Isn't that where the true addiction lies anyway?  You can quit caffeine and go through these horrible headache cycles and then finally clear the physical withdrawals...only to go back to coke a week later.  Or same with alcohol.  Get over the physical hangover and still have another drink another day, after you swore it off forever.  It's the mental addiction that is the hardest part of any addiction to break- and that is probably the one I'll be fighting for the rest of my life.  However, I'm starting to believe in myself.  It's been almost 2 weeks (Thursday).  I can't believe I've made it as long as I have.  I've never gone this long before.  And while it's still a slippery slope and I'm scared almost every day, wondering if today will be the day, I'm still climbing. Steadily climbing.

She also mentioned that she can tell I'm losing weight. :)  I can tell, and I'm super happy.  It's coming off the middle- and the exciting thing about it is- I'm not even trying that hard.  I really haven't been on a diet because I've been so consumed with just making sure that I'm not inhaling sugar.  I have allowed myself to pretty much eat whatever I want, and as much as I want, as long as it doesn't have sugar in it- and as long as I'm not uncomfortably full.  I lost 4 pounds in the last 1.5 weeks, and the exciting news is- I kept it off through the weekend. Anyone who knows me will tell you I always lose weight during the week, only to put it back on during the weekend.  But not now!

In other news...I'm bored with my job and on the hunt again.  It's not that I don't have a great job- I do.  There are times that I swear I will never leave.  There are also times that I start looking around- because I get burned out.  Right now is one of those times.  I did a few visits today and did a few emails, and ended up at lunch with another recruiter from another school.  He kept trying to convince me to come work at his school- but I like my school.  If I'm going to do this job- it might as well be on my team at my job.  But I don't want to be a recruiter forever- it's not my dream- you know?  I don't even know how I got into recruiting- I started out in marketing but graduated in English with dreams of being a writer.  I know I'm not the best, but if I actually have a focus and a purpose, I can write something decent.

Lastly- this other recruiter.  I'm not sure why he asked me to lunch- I asked him, but he wouldn't tell me.  He kept telling me though that he's attracted to me and that I'm very beautiful.  It was very sweet, but kind of depressing too.  Most of the guys I go out with don't do this; I think it's a cultural thing.  I will talk about it more some other time- right now it's still too fresh to analyze and I don't have the right words to describe to you guys what happened.  All I can say (without getting too in depth) is that I've been here before- with guys like this- and it kind of depresses me.

Anyway- I'm going to the gym- I can't stand another second today.  LOVE YOU GUYS!!



Sunday, October 24, 2010

Celebrate good times..

I have things to celebrate, and things to bitch about in this post today.  I hope I can get it all out there.

Celebration:  Last night was a friend of mine's 30th birthday party celebration.  Since she's single, her friends decided to throw an old school slumber party for her at my other friend's parents beach house.  We played games, sat around and chatted a bunch and bonded (there were about 15 girls there), and of course- there were about a zillion treats there.  All of the birthday girls favorite treats were there. But I did not have a single thing with sugar in it.  So basically I ate some lime flavored tortilla chips.  But I'm seriously so proud of myself!  It was so hard but I conquered!  I feel like if I can say no to pumpkin cheesecake and ice cream, chocolate turtle love, oatmeal chocolate chip cookies, whipped cream, coke ice cream floats, and caramels (among many, MANY other things), I can say no to anything.  I ended up having to leave though because at one point I thought for sure I was going to crack.  I started drinking diet coke in order to give my hands something to do...and with DC and Coke Zero comes massive cravings, so I had to eventually bounce.  BUT I DID IT.

Today I came home after church and my roommate and bestie Coke and I started talking about watching a movie and treats.  I had a little bag of kettle corn and my roommate started making pumpkin bars.  She flat out asked me to have one.  I said no.  I just looked at her and said, I'm sorry but it's been 1.5 weeks and I don't want any right now.  To which she said that she was proud of me, but also told me that it's okay every once in awhile.  For her it's okay every once in awhile, I agree- but right now I'm on a roll and I don't want anything with sugar in it.  Everyone knows it.  Even people I haven't told are now starting to catch on- because basically I'm not eating anything when we're in public anymore- because it's always crap that's sugary.  All of our social events seem to swarm around sugar foods and treats.  So she made the first batch of pumpkin rolls and brought them over for me to smell.  I smelled them. Fine. I will not have one.  I'm becoming more and more determined to prove I will not have one.

I'm kind of irritated about it.  I feel like she's straight up trying to get me to have one.  After she has watched me struggle with this and talk about my recovery classes.  I will not have a pumpkin bar right now no matter what happens.  So I guess instead of me seeing this post as a bitching session, I can look at this as yet another victory.  Take that!

It's still hard though- after a week and a half.  I'm not really having cravings anymore but I still want the treats mentally.  Even now as I type this, I hope and pray I will not end up weakening out there and having a pumpkin bar.  I am still not sure of how long I will last.  I'm still having to fight this battle hour by hour.  I'm still afraid I'm going to fall down at any given moment.  I guess even if I do- it's okay.  I keep having to remind myself- it's waxing and waning- not all or nothing.  Even if I fall- I can get back up the next day.

Okay- I'm going back out there- still sugar hungry.  With pumpkin bars in the oven and the friends devouring them.


Saturday, October 23, 2010

Blah blah

I'm having one of those days.

You know the ones- where you have anxiety inside your body but you aren't 100% why.  You think you have an idea- but 1 part of you just wants to bury it.  It's too exhausting to deal with.  Then, a 2nd part of you wants to talk and talk about it- get it out of your system, you say to yourself.  The 3rd part of you is like- are you even sure you know what the issue is?  You're having anxiety- why?

I got up this morning and my bestie Coke was on the couch watching some show on MTV about eating disorders.

This whole food addiction/overcoming your issues crap is so exhausting.  I'm so over it right now.  I just want the anxiety to go away.

It's not just the food either- the more I think about it- it's boys too.  Don't they cause these issues?  You want them to like you- you want them to date you- you want to be good enough.  When will there be one that just likes you for who you are?  When will there be one that is just like- you're beautiful the way you are and I don't care if you're skinny or fat?  I love YOU.  As a person.  With your weaknesses and your strengths.  With your ups and your downs.  With all of your flaws and all of your perfections and quirks too.  It's fine that you don't have make up on right now and you don't smell like roses.  Let's not play all these stupid games- let's just be us.

But instead, I have to put on the show.  I'm so awesome- here is a list of all these reasons you should want to date me...

My insides are rolling around; boiling over each other. Blah Blah, I'm so sick of this anxiety.  It's getting worse and I don't want to focus on it right now.  I have to go- love you all.  TTYS-


Thursday, October 21, 2010



I'm supposed to be trying on my martian dress right now.  Instead I decided to write a post real quick.  Ape is not going to be happy with me...that I'm stalling so much.  I'm scared of the metallic fabric!

But I've been thinking about my friend.  Drazil.  It's her birthday today- and I can't stop thinking about how I hope her day is so wonderful.  How I hope that she is indeed enjoying and celebrating her life.  I hope she is laughing and having some birthday cake if she wants it. :)  It's a day of celebration today!  This beautiful woman who affects us all in some positive way was brought into this world.  It's a better place because of her- whether she recognizes it or not.

The scale is starting to come down and I'm happy.  It's been 1 week!  Tonight is my second ARP class and I'm excited.  I've been reading step 2 already and I love it.  It's about hope- how we can go from feeling discarded and forgotten to finding that glimmer of hope.  How we can go from hopeless to laughing, talking, smiling, attending meetings, praying, seeking solace, reading things that inspire us, and writing in our recovery journals.  One of my favorite lines from the workbook this week, "No habit, no addiction, no rebellion, no transgression, no offense exempted from the promise of complete forgiveness."  I love that.  Can I completely forgive myself for my weaknesses?  Yes, I can.  Can I completely overcome them?  Yes, I can.  Can I have hope?  Yes!!  I can and I do.

That's really all I'm going to write about today.  I have a lot going on but wanted to just take a moment while the ARP stuff was still fresh in my mind.  May you all have a wonderful day today..


Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Daily Ramble

A lot has been on the brain...

I know I keep talking about sugar- and I'm sorry.  I read a blog tip thing once and it said never apologize on your blog for things you say or if you haven't written in awhile because it doesn't matter and your readers will get annoyed.  Ever since I read that thing, I get annoyed when people start out a post with..."Sorry it's been soooo long since I've written anything! I'm just so busy!"  Really? WE DON'T CARE.  Obviously we came back to read the new post- you don't have to tell us.  Anyway, I feel like that's what I'm doing- sorry I keep talking about sugar! - but whatever- I had to say it.  It obviously is on my mind a lot right now.  Rest assured if I get to talk about everything I want to today- Sugar will not be the only topic.

Speaking of that crack...I had a dream last night I was sampling all these cakes.  They were so good and I was loving and then I remembered I wasn't supposed to be having sugar.  Then I rationalized that since I already had some, it was okay.  The good news is, in my dream I tried to stop eating the stuff once I remembered.  The bad news is, it wasn't my only dream about sugar.  It's infiltrating my dreams!  Hahaha

Also, I wanted to comment on a comment made on my blog yesterday.  Gina from P90X-One Girl's Story mentioned that if I were a crack head- surely people wouldn't be offering me more hits.  But then I thought to myself, not if they were crack heads too.  If they were crack heads too, they wouldn't see anything wrong with taking a hit, because they're still taking hits.  They would want you to join in the fun.  And if you were seriously about quitting, you'd quit hanging out with other crack heads.  Now, that's not to say that I can't hang out with people that eat sugar- because obviously I would be alone in this big world.  I mean, I guess I could find a few freaks, but who wants that?  It's just interesting to think about it- and I agree with Cindylew from Cindylew Who??? on the previous post that taking one or two bites here and there is just exacerbating the problem.  I need to be stronger and say no all together and then stay my ground- not give in and have a bite here and there- because I DO think it's making the cravings worse.

Gina also made another interesting comment on my post last night: "Life without challenges is boring".  I love that comment so much!  You're absolutely right- and there is nothing better than when you know you've tackled something.  Whether it's weight, sugar, not showering..It feels good to conquer a challenge.  So onwards and upwards, as my friend Deb from Deb will be FREE would say.  I CAN DO THIS.  At the moment- the cravings aren't really happening and I'm okay with that. :)  Maybe I'm on the downhill slope today...

In other news..

My friends and I are going on a Haunted Hayride on Friday night in LA.  Somehow it's morphed from a group thing into a couple's thing.  All of my friends have dates.  The one and only guy I'm semi- interested in- my neighbor- we'll call him 37- is going to be out of town.  He is going to Nepal (what!).  He has taken me out to thai food once- and just texted me this morning to see if I wanted to go again when he got back- so that's good.  I don't know what it is about him- but I just kind of like him.  I can't figure out if it's the way he speaks, or the way he is around other people- I'm not sure.  He's cute though.  Anyway...he's going to be gone so I texted my trusty backup- Ricardo- But Ricardo is doing scary movie night at his house on Friday with a huge group of people and I'm date-less.  WTH.  I HATE being in this situation.  I know I can find someone, but it's the pressure.  I'm not interested in anyone else.  Ricardo would've been perfect because he's social, he's cute, we've made out a few times so I know we would've ended the night right...anyone else I ask at this point is going to be a new person that is awkward because we don't really know each other.  Plus, introducing someone new to the group is tough- they're not an easy crowd to please.

Well, there's one more that I can ask...but he's not a favorite among my friends by any means, and I'm not sure I want to egg him on.  We went to Taco Tuesday last night with 37 and another friend of mine and then he invited himself over afterwards (not 37, the other guy.  What can I call him? I'll call him Sanuk) Sanuk came over and wanted to watch a movie.  I have no idea if this guy is just my friend or pursuing me.  He called me last week to help him with his gift for his mother's 70th birthday...but now I'm rambling.  I'll give you guys the rundown another day- the point is- should I ask Sanuk to the Haunted Hayride? Here are my thoughts: I don't have a problem with him per se, but my friends don't really like him.  He tried to date Coke awhile back so that makes things kind of weird because she didn't like him and then he moved on to me.  I don't know if he's trying to date me or not (because he's always calling me and texting me), but he's probably moving in a month due to a new job out of state.  Ahhh...hell.  Why is this Haunted Hayride a date thing??

Final ramble:

I stayed up til after 1 am last night reading "The Hunger Games".  Has anyone read this book?  It's AMAZING! I love it!  I tried to only read it at the gym to keep myself motivated, but it's so good I can't put it down.  If it were the weekend, I could've easily stayed up til 3 or 4 am, finishing it.  But I'm trying to keep myself on track.  If you're a reader (like me)...go get it (if you haven't already). SOOOOO GOOOOOOD!

Okay that is all this morning.  Hope your day is fabulous- LOVE YOU GUYS!!!



Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Sexy Martian?


You guys- I'm dying.  I'm a straight lunatic.  You know how sometimes you become aware of this constant humming of white noise in the background?  You'll kind of forget about it but then notice it again and become super annoyed?  Yeah- that's EXACTLY how I feel.  Sugar is on the brain.  I'm gritting my teeth and chewing my nails.

But I'm doing it.  I am struggling through because I know I need to.  I just told my mom on the phone- every day that I can go without sugar is good for me.  So if I don't make it far- at least I made it 5 days (and counting).

Here's the other thing I don't understand.  This morning on my way to do an event, I picked up one of the instructors from our beauty school to ride to the event with me, and she had some mexican bread wrapped in tinfoil and a cup of coffee.  I was already annoyed at the humming (it was 8:45), so to get my mind off of it I asked what was in the tinfoil. 
     "Mexican bread, you want some?"  She started to unwrap it.
     "What's Mexican bread, I've never had it.  Is it good?" I asked looking over.
     "It's soooo good.  Here have some." She broke a piece off.  
     " that sugar?  I don't want any thank you.  I don't eat sugar."  I said, gripping the steering wheel.
     "Oh, yeah it's sugar.  But it's only on the top, here I'll dust it off."
     "No, that's okay."
     "No, it's only a little bit, here, I insist"
     "No, I don't eat sugar."
     "No, you'll love it! Here, see?  I wiped the sugar off.  Have some, I can't eat all of this.  Have some."
     "Okay. Thanks."

I had a bite or two of the mexican bread.  It was good, don't be fooled.  But I was secretly pissed.  Why is it when you say no to someone, they become more adamant that you have some?  I realized while chewing the bread, that all the sugar I've had in the last 6 days, minus the 1/2 muffin, has been because someone insisted.  I didn't want to try the new skittles.  I didn't want to try the Werther's original chews.  I didn't want to have any Mexican bread with the sugar dusted off.  LEAVE ME ALONE!  I'm already a raving bitch right now.  No need to exacerbate the problem, people.  When someone says no thanks- it's like triple effort to get someone to do it.  I don't know why this happens- I even find myself doing it when people say no to me.  I don't know why but I insist and insist.  It's weird, but now that I'm on the other side of it- I don't like it.  

Okay friends- I'm off to the gym.  My friend Ape came over today to take my measurements as well as Maimee's measurements (my roommate).  We're being Martians for Halloween- sexy Martians. :)  The idea is so cute and fun and we're all super stoked, but I realized while she was taking the measurements that I will be the biggest one of all my friends and I got secretly pissed again.  Plus, we were trying on different tops to see which one was the most flattering for the outfits we're making and again, having on skin tight tops about sent me over the edge.  Halloween is 2 weeks away- I better get with the program.  

Pray for me that I will not chew off my arm while trying to get through these withdrawals.  Seriously- it's really hard right now, especially now that I'm stressed about the skin tight dress.  I don't need sugar. I don't need sugar.  I don't need sugar (chanting resumes).


Monday, October 18, 2010

Sugar Heaven.

I didn't want to go to the gym today.  I'm back in that phase of dreading the gym every time I go for about an hour before I finally make myself just go.

As I got to the gym, I was having the WORST craving for something with sugar in it.  I mean bad.  It's weird because, sometimes you think cravings are in your head.  It's been 5 days, and I've been able to manage with just a few quick blips of cravings and then they pass and I'm fine.  But I knew this morning when I woke up that today was different; I could feel it.  All day I felt great- amazing- energetic and hungry.  I've gone off sugar before- never for super long- but I recognized the feelings.  It's the same feelings I have when I do the Fat Flush diet and it's always around day 4 or 5...the sugar is finally leaving your system and suddenly you're clear headed again, you're energetic, your body feels so happy and light and even if you haven't lost any #'s...things start to feel good.  Real good.  It's funny because previous to today I'd always thought it was because I'd cut out pretty much all carbs and sugar- but today I realized it must just be the dismissal of sugar that makes me feel so much better.  I'm still eating whole wheat breads and grains- it's mainly just sugar that I've cut.  And this week soda is going too (maybe soda's on the weekends- haven't decided yet- but I've noticed they make the cravings worse.  But my friends are always drinking soda and I always think I should have one too!).  I start getting hungry all the time because the sugar isn't clogging up my body and it processes everything normally and efficiently- so I get hungrier quicker.

I was feeling that all day until around 5, when I decided to head to the gym.  I literally stepped out of my vehicle, saw some candy in my car that someone left, and my mouth started watering like a damn dog's does when they smell meat.  I wanted to kill someone.  The girl ahead of me that was stick thin and going inside the gym in her spandex outfit?  Possibly.  I threw the candy in the trash without opening it because I knew if I left it in the car, I would probably eat it later.  I also began asking myself if I could really do this.

Is it possible for me to cut out sugar?  It's day 5.  Only day 5.  The cravings get worse if I remember correctly (I've only cut out sugar for longer than 5 days once in my life).  I mean, I'm pretty happy that I've made it this far..doing as well as I've done.  Usually by now I've cut out carbs as well and can't take it and go back to everything.  This time, it's just sugar, so I'm making it.  Yes, I had some sugar over the weekend- but overall- I'm still counting those days because dammit I need days under my belt to keep me motivated.  I don't want to start the countdown over.  If I have a binge or eat a dessert or do something drastic- yes, I'll start over.  But 3 werther's original chews and 5 skittles and half a muffin?  I'm giving myself the okay on this one.  It was the weekend!

I'm scared I can't do this.  My mind has been thinking those thoughts- you know the ones.  The "you know you're not going to make it" thoughts.  The "you've never done it before and you LOVE treats D" thoughts.  The "Do you really think you can go without ever having candy or cake or chocolate or something else ever again?" thoughts.  I told myself we're not putting the "ever again" label on anything this time!  Why can't I listen???  And then I think of the treats.  Mmmmm...Boston Cream Cake (Um excuse me?  I don't ever even eat or think of Boston cream cake), or Cheesecake, or Heath's.  Twix.  Snickers.  Ice cream. Snickers Ice cream.  Reese's Peanut Butter Cups; Reese's Giant Cups.  German Chocolate Cake (again, I never eat or crave it and yet I've thought of it 5 times today).  My thoughts are so calorie rich I'm about to have heartburn just thinking them. My stomach aches just from the thought.

Kill me.

I can do this. I will do this. I can do this. I will do this.- Let me start chanting to myself again.  Can I do this?  Shit.



WARNING: This is going to be a super long post- I hope I can keep you with me (already tried to condense and revise twice now)...

In case you were wondering- I didn't have one of the pumpkin bars last night- my roommate didn't end up making them.  One of our guests did bring over ice cream though.  I didn't have any ice cream- but I did end up having a little sugar- which I'm a little bummed about.  One of the guys in my ARP program of all places, happens to also be in my social circle and one of my besties- Coke- thinks he's hot.  So she invited him over for dinner last night (she has no idea he's in my ARP class, but we ran into him at church).  Out of all things- it was him that brought me down.  I didn't do too bad- but a few little things happened.  #1- he passed around a bag of skittles and insisted everyone try them.  They are the new skittles that have 2 different flavors or whatever.  When you put them in your mouth- they taste like watermelon (for example), but then the inside is a different flavor- like apple or something.  I had about 5 skittles.  I tried to avoid them but because he thinks we have a connection (we're both ARP), he insisted I try them- and because I haven't admitted to my ARP group yet why I'm there- I didn't want to make a scene so I tried them.  We also have a fire pit out on our patio and he stayed for the fire.  He ended up roasting some Werther's Original chews and putting them in between Ritz crackers and insisting again that we all try them.  He passed each person their werther smore and one by one- we all tried them.  Again I tried to avoid- every time he passed a smore to me- I would pass them on to someone else.

Eventually he said, "Diz I really want you to try these you'll love them they're so awesome" so I broke down.  I sampled a bite and broke up the rest of my cracker smore and passed the bites around to those that hadn't had a smore yet.  But sure enough...he passed another to me.  Then another. I sat there, eating these smores, not enjoying one bite.  Inside my head, I was making all the excuses I could say as to why I can't have another one, but as he kept passing them to me specifically I kept eating them and hating them.  They weren't gross- I just have been on a roll and didn't want any, but didn't have the guts to tell him that.  Luckily after 2.5 he ran out of werther's and finally sat back to just enjoy the fire.  Overall I'm still satisfied with myself: in 4 days I've had half a banana nut muffin, 5 skittles, and 3 werther's chews; not bad- especially compared to all of the sugar that has been in my face all weekend.

Okay- on to what I really want to talk about:

I have been working through my ARP book and wanted to share some food for thought for you guys as I know many of my followers are also watching what they eat.  If this helped me maybe it can help you on your journey as well.

The first step to recovery in Addiciton Recovery is Honesty and Humility.  One of the questions the book asks (that I loved) is: "In what ways are you of infinite worth?"  I've been thinking about this question a lot this morning.  As I thought about the answer to this question, I realized that I have never thought of myself as being of "infinite worth".  I usually do not sit around and think about how much my family loves me, how much God loves me, and how I make a difference in people's lives- whether it's a good difference or not.  I don't usually stop to think about how much I would be missed and how much the world would be different if I weren't in it- it's just not part of my normal thought patterns.  Do you?  Have you asked yourself lately how you are of infinite worth?  Interesting thing to think about.  It is right along the lines of the thoughts I had last week as I commented on blogs about raising our babies and how we can help them break the cycle's that we ourselves are in.  (Does that make sense? I feel like that is a wordy sentence).

Let me expound:  Last week there were several blogs that talked about how can we help our babies to grow up and NOT go through what we're going through now as far as weight issues are concerned.  We don't want them to be overweight- however, we also don't want to instill unhealthy or obsessive traits in them that many of us are fighting now, such as constant dieting, etc.  I wrote on a few blogs that for me- I would try my best to instill a sense of self worth and confidence in my child, coupled with teaching my child to love and respect their body by eating healthy, working out, etc.  I know everyone has a different opinion and different ways that they will raise and teach their babies.  But as I've thought about how I can be different, I realize this is something my mom was not able to teach me and my sister- because she never really loved herself or had a lot of self confidence herself.  Obviously- I want things to be different for my babies.  I never stopped to consider that as I am trying to recover from my own issues right now, I am naturally changing for my babies in the future.

What I'm trying to say is: I think that when we heal ourselves from the inside out, I think they see and sense the truth: whether we are confident in ourselves and love ourselves (and thereby treat ourselves respectfully), or whether we are obsessed and going to extremes to get or stay thin.  They not be consciously aware of it, but they are still absorbing our energy and our efforts, and they grow up reflecting what we taught them- whether consciously or not.  Some people have commented that their babies are saying words like "diet" already- though they (the child) have no idea what it means.  It's because whether we realize it or not- they are constantly absorbing and learning from us- constantly.  Think about it- what kind of self esteem did your mother have for herself?  You know, though you might've never had a conversation with her about it- don't you.  Please understand, I am not trying to preach about being a good example to your babies.  I am asking you to think about yourself- how do you reflect that you love and respect yourself to your babies?  For your babies? Don't you want them to feel that way about themselves? I want my babies to love and respect themselves- because I love them and know what it's like to grow up without that feeling of self confidence.  Society today tells you all you need is to be thin- but that's not true.  I know plenty of thin girls who hate themselves.  I need to realize and accept that I am of infinite worth.  Once I grasp this- I will reflect it to others.

In what ways are you of infinite worth?


Sunday, October 17, 2010



You know how sometimes you drop a major bomb on someone and then afterwards you're like...what do I say's getting really awkward?  Yeah, that's how I have been feeling about the blog since my last post.  You have to remember that I had just come home from my meeting- I was feeling all intense and doing this inner reflection and that's where I was in that moment.  Luckily now I'm back to my "normal" self.  But still- how do you just "resume conversation" after a bomb like that? Ha.

Anyway- the good news is I haven't had any sugar for 3.5 days now.  Well, I had half of a muffin for breakfast yesterday, and to be honest, I was kinda pissed about it in the moment because I have been doing really well and didn't want the muffin.  But I was working and the only options were muffins, cinnamon rolls, or those danish filled things, and donuts of course.  And since it was breakfast and since I was starving and I was working and couldn't just go get whatever I wanted...I had half a muffin and called it good.  It's all good now- I'm really proud of myself actually.

Last night was the best I've done so far.  I went up to Beverly Hills to one of my best friends (KJ's) house to carve pumpkins with some of our other friends and watch scary movies.  First of all- have you seen the movie- The 4th kind? Um...SCARY!  I hate watching scary movies- especially when it's all foggy and eery outside and you're in the wilderness somewhere and away from normal life.  I know you're thinking- it's Beverly Hills, but my friend lives so far up in the Hills that it is really like going to a cabin in the wilderness; it's so far removed from the city.  And it was foggy and rainy and dark and cold...luckily we had about 10 guys there to keep us safe. :)  But that brings me to another thing I hate: I hate watching scary movies with boys.  They love watching you get scared...and they love it even more when they find a moment during the movie to grab you and scare you to death.  You know- when you literally almost poop your pants cause you jumped so far out of your skin?  You are like- a SECOND away from actually losing control of your bodily functions and they are laughing hysterically.  Yeah- REAL FUNNY- guys.  I'm glad we're all still 12 years old.  Luckily- my bestie Coke was even more scared than I was so the guys decided to prey on her and leave me alone (one of them started on me and then saw her literally crying with fright).  He waited until she came out of the bathroom then jumped behind her with a "BOO!" and she fell to the ground.  She actually collapsed and everyone busted up laughing, I felt so bad.

Anyway, KJ had so many yummy treats there.  She went to Corner Bakery and got her favorites: Whoopie Pies, brownies, donuts, sugar cookies, you name it, it was there.  Here is the kicker: Are you ready for this?  I did NOT have a single bite.  Not a taste, not a lick- NOTHING.  I mean, I had chips. They're salty.  I felt like I could have chips, you know?  Anything to help me get through; I've been craving sugar like a crack fiend.  It was interesting because I wasn't super tempted at first, but about half way through the pumpkin carving I started to really get the itch. I went in the kitchen and looked everything over (had to see what was there again- in case I forgot the first 8 times I looked)...but was able to walked away without even a taste.  So proud.

The good news is I'm over the 3 day hump (they say if you can make it over the 3 day hump- you've got this)...but the bad news is the roomie is making pumpkin bars tonight.  THIS is now the new test.  How come there is always another test?  There is always another test, and in my life, always another test right around the corner before I'm even ready for it.  I don't know- but I swear, if I can make it through this (the bars being baked at MY house? KILL ME NOW), I can make it through anything.  I am mentally trying to prepare now.  Funny how mental/visual preparation doesn't seem to do a DAMN thing for me.

Either way- work outs resume tomorrow.  Ragnar is off, but that's not an excuse to quit working out.  Plus I'm starting to feel stronger now that I'm seriously trying to resist.

With every resistance to temptation- it DOES get easier.

Hope you guys are making it!!  Here's a pic of our pumpkins last night- so cute, right?  Mine is the one on the far right- giving the baby pumpkin the evil eye.



Thursday, October 14, 2010



In all honesty- I don't know if I will actually publish this post- because this is a brand new blog, and I don't want to start out this way.  But here I am.  I just want you to know- I'm terrified to write this post and click the button "PUBLISH POST".

I started this blog, and had all these intentions.  I was going to be a different writer.  I was going to comment more and be a better friend.  I was going to make new friends and be fun and upbeat.  I was going to be anonymous.  And instead I got busy with work...and now- instead of writing this upbeat post like I had intended...I'm sitting here- struggling.  

Tonight I went to my first Addiction Recovery Program class.  I sat in a room with about 12 other people, listening to everyone talk about their addictions.  How they struggle day in and day out, and need God to help them.  They need to be humble and accept His help.  They were right.  You might find this funny- but I don't.  I went there because I believe I am a sugar addict, with a combination of addiction to food (sugar being the stronger addiction).  I don't want to believe I am a sugar addict, or that I have a problem.  I don't want to admit that I have a problem at all; in fact, as I left tonight, I tried to convince one of the other attendees that I don't have a problem.  But I do.  I know I do.  I have taken the quizzes before- I meet most if not all the symptoms/requirements.  I'm not healthy.  I'm not sick- but I'm not healthy, if that makes sense.  Sometimes I will binge, and then starve to keep my weight down (it doesn't really work great, btw).  I've thrown up my food- when I wasn't sick.  I've done it twice in the last month.  Wow- I can't believe I just admitted that out loud.  There is only one other person on this planet that knows that I throw up sometimes- my sister.   

But after listening to everyone talk about their addictions- and being honest with myself (first step)...I know I have a problem.  It's not out of control right now.  I am not dying from it.  But it's there- and I can't control myself sometimes.  I eat when I'm not hungry.  I continue to eat after I'm satisfied...and even after I'm full sometimes.  I eat sugar every single day and sometimes I will eat it until I get a horrific stomach-ache.  I will by-pass healthy foods in order to eat sugar.  I have a secret stash of candy in my room and would be enraged if someone came and found it and ate any of it.  I don't eat it really..but it's there...just in case...

I'm nuts- right?

So I commented on a bunch of blogs tonight- but my comments were weird and jerky (not jerky as in mean- jerky as in- not cohesive..if that makes sense).  I'm in a weird place right now.  I'm a little depressed.  If I wrote on anyone's blog and offended them in anyway- I am so sorry.  I just can't think straight right now.  I also haven't worked out in a week and can feel the depression sneaking back in.  My scale is tipping numbers I haven't seen in over a year; last night I literally laid in my bed and felt obese.  I laid there and just felt it all- engulfing me.  

I need to get a grip on myself and my eating habits. 

Here I am- confessing my issues to my new followers.  I'm sorry- but I just got out of the meeting.  I should've just admitted it in the meeting when it was my turn- instead I decided to pass and let the next person go.  Maybe next week.


Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Dear Dizzy...

So I got a few good requests on my last post, asking about certain products- and I want to address those things as best as I this post is kind of dedicated.  It's long- and I'm sorry for that- try to stick with only the stuff that interests you.  I promise things will be back to normal tomorrow.  For one, I'm done training the new girl and have more time to dedicate to your blogs and comments.  For another, I won't write another novel. SORRY!!! Had to answer a few questions. :)  If you commented with a question, I hope my answers help.  Here are the questions and answers:

Cindylew said...

Dizzy...I've got shit for lashes and would love to try latisse. But who knows if two months from now they'll discover it makes you go blind. It seems like such a huge risk for something so frivolous. Thoughts?

I completely understand your concern about not wanting to go blind (who the hell wants that?)- but here's why I myself have determined that Latisse is pretty safe to use.  They (the geniuses at Allergan- the company that created Latisse and sells it) came about Latisse because they were originally trying to create something for glaucoma.  Meaning that the stuff has always been in the eyes.  What they found while they were testing it as a cure for glaucoma was that while it wasn't helping that particular issue much, it WAS making people's lashes grow like crazy.  So they watered it wayyyy down and now sell it in a bottle for women who want longer lashes.  Allergan also sells Botox and Lapband, as well as breast implants and stuff- google them if you're curious to know more (I know all of this because 1)I live in OC where Allergan's headquarters are located and am obsessed with the place myself, and 2)I had lunch with a friend that works there and he told me that's how it came about.)

Plus, when I went in to talk to my doc about it- he told me that it's been out for over a year and there are 2 side effects; 1) it will darken the pigmentation around your eyes. It kind of looks like you have smudged, faded eyeliner on, even when you don't.  If you look at before and after pics of Latisse, you will see what I'm talking about.  2) For people with light eyes, it may or may not leave little brown spots on your iris after pro-longed use.  Of course I immediately asked my doctor what the brown spots were and if I would go blind; he assured me that they only happen on light eyed people (I have green eyes- not light enough), and that they in no way make you blind- again, they are pigmentation spots- and they only appear after prolonged use.  And not on everyone.

So there is all I know of Latisse for you to chew on.  As far as I know, it has no affect on actual sight.  If you are still hesitant- try the other stuff I recommended!  Or there is another brand I tried before Latisse- the girls at work use it and it apparently does not have any of the side effects Latisse has.  I don't know if it's as strong as Latisse (Latisse is SUPER stuff and if you aren't careful- you may have to physically cut your lashes down- seriously- they'll grow ridiculously long) but it's called RapidLash and you can get it at Bed, Bath and Beyond for $50.  It does lengthen lashes- I've seen it work personally on the girls at work, I just think Latisse is more potent and therefore makes stronger, longer lashes than RapidLash, so I'm now trying it.  I think RapidLash works faster than Latisse- The box that I bought said 3-5 weeks, whereas Latisse is 5-7 weeks.  My roommate uses Latisse and has been using it since June- she has super crisp blue eyes and so far no side effects; but gorgeous, thick long lashes that finally made me decide I can't stand it anymore.  They practically touch her eyebrows- they are INSANE.  I must have my own.

AmeyinIdaho said...

Hey Dizzy!! Draz sent me over :)

I'm so excited to follow your blog and learn about about your life and all your adventures. And I LOVE the product spots. I turned 40 on Monday...not handling it well . I'm looking for a new moisturizer. I have been using Mary Kay's Intense Moisturizer (little pink jar) and I love how my skin 'drinks' it up. I have dry skin..and never had acne, even in high school. But I want to find something with sunscreen in it that will help to stop/minimize lines and wrinkles. Any ideas?

I really think we're all going to like you bunches!!

AmeyinIdaho- I have written out a whole dissertation here...only to delete it and try again...only to delete that and try again.  Here is the bottom line.  I will give you a good sunscreen, but if you want a good combo- give me a few days to work on this and ask around to find the best one that is also anti-aging like you're looking for.  You may have to separate these babies out from one another though.  A good firming moisturizer is likely not going to have a good sunscreen included in it as well.  But I will ask the lovely ladies at school if they know of any good ones.  In the meantime- I like Dermalogica's Ultra Sensitive Face Block SPF 25 for a daily sunscreen for your face- not only is it a good SPF for face, it won't clog your pores and it has a light tint to it to help your skin tone even out.  It's a super light tint so it doesn't look like you have anything on.  But let me continue to work on this for you...

Gina said...

I would love your advice on adult acne (how embarrassing)! I got off the pill in January & started getting a lot of painful acne right below my jaw line & the back of my head along my hairline. At first I just thought it was due to the increased working out & sweating, but it hasn't cleared up no matter what my workout schedule. A Dr. put me on an antibiotic for 2 mo's, and I started using pro-active again a couple of weeks ago, but it's so painful, & ugly even if I'm the only one that notices. Hoping you know something I can do! Most are big that won't "pop." I'm even doing all I can not to touch my face. P.S. this feels like a dear Abby:-)

Girl- I read this and seriously about freaked.  I am having the exact same problem- and I'm not kidding; the only diff is mine isn't along my hairline- thank heaven.  It hurts- I can't imagine it being along the hair line, I'm so sorry to hear you're dealing with it there too.  I finally went to the doctor on Monday in tears- and he put me on the exact same routine- 2 mo's antibiotic's and some gels and a facewash.  Here are the only things I can tell you that have helped me so far: The face wash has 5% Glycolic Acid and 2% Salicylic Acid in it- look for something that has both in it.  If Pro-active does- great.  Pro-active didn't work for me.  I'm also using Dermalogica's Daily Skin Prep Scrub to exfoliate even more.  AND I started taking Alpha Lipoic Acid supplements and a Reservatrol supp to help my skin clear up.  They're helping somewhat; but this crap isn't completely gone no matter what I do.  I guess we're both going to have to wait 2 months.  If my skin isn't clear by Christmas though...someone is going to PAY... (I don't know who).  And I love the Dear Abbey shiz, please girl.  Especially you- you know I freaking love it!

Maria said...

I am more of an eyeshadow junkie... I'm embarrassed to even tell you how much I have!

Girl you better tell me immediately because the only thing I ever wear is Stila's Smudge Pot Kitten...and let me tell you girl...I'M OBSESSED with it.  Talk about brightening up my eyes and waking me up in the mornings...I just add a little eyeliner and some mascara and viola! If they ever take it off the market I'm jumping off the pier (I live in CA- I can do that).

I love the comments!  Keep them coming...

On a "life" note...Those of you who know me- I'm sad to report that Ragnar is off.  I was supposed to run in the Ragnar Relay next weekend but it looks like a bunch of people bailed and now we don't have a full team so it's over.  Part of me is relieved, part of me is pissed.  Relieved because I just don't want to spend another dime on this.  I've already spent $90 to register- now if we go, I'll have to pay partially for the van and also for a hotel room to stay in Vegas Thurs and Sat didn't realize this race was going to cost so much so I don't want to spend anymore.  I'm broke right now.  How can I make a little extra $$$???  Pissed because I trained.  But not pissed because it was good for me and I need to keep it up.  So not really pissed- just sayin. :)

Anyway- I'm exhausted so I'm out for the night.  LOVES!!!


And now for my 2nd post (finally!)...

This day has literally been insane.

My boss asked me to train the new girl.  Now, I'm not going to start bitching about work because I actually love my job- I have one of the best jobs in the world, but it took me ALLLLLL DAY.  Literally.  Just got home an hour ago and a friend stopped by.  It's 12 am, I'm exhausted, and I have to train tomorrow again too.  But I couldn't not post on my 2nd day of the new bloggy blog!  I'm just too excited to skip out!

First of all- before I get into the thick of things- I have to say thank you so much to all of you that commented yesterday.  You warm my heart.  Seriously- Draz will tell you- I'm a serious lover of comments and 18 comments on the first day sent me over the edge.  I am in love- with you.  Which is good for you because we're in the honeymoon phase and I promise to be extra giving and try extra hard to make you happy and do everything right so you love me back. :)

A few of you commented yesterday about wanting to know about products and I am SOOOO excited to talk shop.  I have been thinking off and on today about what I could start with- and I picked three things.  They're definitely only the surface of what really goes on- but this is where we need to start...right?

1) Teeth whitening.  Check.  Crest 3D White Strips with Advanced SEAL No Slip Technology- my favorite.  I literally only have to do 1 little pack every few months and my teeth stay perfectly white (you whiten to the level you want- then do a maintenance pack every once in awhile "as needed"'s awesome).  Those of you who know me, know I have white teeth.  

2) Oh- you wanted eye cream?  One that helps minimize wrinkles and crow's feet, lightens the under-eye area AND gets rid of puffiness???? Check again.  Skin Medica TNS Eye Repair.  Yes- it's $89.10 for a little bitty dribble of it.  Yes it's worth it.  It will change your life.  One of my biggest issues is puffiness under my eyes- it's HORRIFIC without this stuff.  This stuff takes it all away and keeps people thinking I'm 25-27 years old.  Seriously- it works.  Don't doubt- try it out.  You'll thank me later.  If the TNS Eye Repair is a little out of your price range- my roommate swears by Burt's Bee's Naturally Ageless Line Smoothing Eye Cream.  It's $25 a bottle and her favorite thing about it is that it stays on thick enough to last through the entire night.

3) Eyelash Enhancer. Duhhhhh! The best?  Latisse.  But if you can't afford Latisse ($130 minimum for a bottle, and you need a prescription)...try Beauty Society's Enormous's 4 times stronger than the original version and you don't need a prescription- and super gentle so even contact lens wearer's won't get irritated.  What does it do?  Stimulates your eyelash follicles so your lashes grow thick and long...hey get help where you can is what I say.  Between getting rid of puffiness and adding length on my lashes- I take years off my eyes (this isn't even including all the collagen pumping, youth boosting, anti-oxidant crap I put on everywhere else).  A little Enhancer and a little mascara and you will be one hot mama- swear.

These are just some of the things I'm obsessed with.  As I mentioned though- I'm a junkie.  I'm crazy, I admit it.  But I'll be damned if anyone thinks I'm over 27 (which I totally am).  While I do try to watch what I buy and spend...I tend to "treat" myself a lot too...maybe a little more than I should.

In short: if I had to start somewhere- this is probably where I'd start.  Now- #3 is totally interchangeable with ex-foliating the skin and keeping it hydrated and lustrous.  Beautiful, youthful skin may be as important or more important than youthful, expressive eyes.  But I will save that dissertation for another day, as it's now getting late and I have another long day tomorrow.  For my recap: I had a great day- didn't work out, and drank too much coke zero.  But I hope your day was fabulous too...

Let's talk beauty! What you got????


Monday, October 11, 2010

It's My First Post EVER!!!

Hi.  Ma halo. Wilkommen.

I'm so excited about my new blog!

My "name" is D and I'm a spazz.  Here are the goals for this blog; well- there's only one.  I can't promise I will be able to do it all the time- but it's the general goal so...

Write something everyday that happened in my life or that I'm thinking about.

WHOA...So intense!  (Have you guys ever seen double rainbow on Youtube?  If you have- you know what I'm talking about.  If not- check it out- this guy is kind of funny...

Anyway- this post is kinda short and sweet. I just want to say hi; I don't want to overwhelm you on the first day.  I will be writing about everything under the sun.  Beauty (cause it's my job and I'm obsessed), Fitness (because again- I'm obsessed and work on this everyday), Relationships (did I mention I'm single and date?  Which means I always have a good story to tell!!), and whatever else comes to mind.  Hopefully it's at least 5 minutes of entertainment for you daily.


Here's a treat for you- my new reader/follower/friend.  This is a guy I met yesterday while working an event called Pamper Me Fabulous at the Hyatt.  It was a super nice, super large event for women that was mostly beauty and health/fitness booths.  Tons of great services, tons of great food, and obviously tons of good eye candy.  I thought I'd share since I'm not selfish. :)  Enjoy!

Isn't he yummy?  I almost got a toothache. ;)