Personal Journey

I don't know how long I have to write this post- because I'm waiting on my ex boyfriend from 7 years ago to come pick me up so we can go see a movie in town.  But more about that later.

I've been thinking a lot today about weight loss and the things that are happening to people in this country.  My mom and I were having an intense conversation about it today while we were driving to Whole Foods.  I have been asking since I got here on Friday to go to Whole Foods because I am obsessed with my eating habits and am only just now realizing it (I know...so dense).  This weekend only confirmed to me that I have changed significantly in the last few months and don't know that I can ever go back to eating the way I did before.  I tried this weekend.  I felt like complete shit all weekend.  Too much sugar caused me to not only feel like complete crap, but I stayed up til 4 in the morning only to crash hard on the couch (never even made it to my bed).  I was up by 8 am the next day with a literal food hangover.  Then I repeated the cycle for two more days.  I ate carbs like a maniac.  I drank soda.  I did everything I've done before, my whole life, but don't do now.  I overate most meals and didn't work out at all.  I ate when I wasn't hungry.  You get the idea.  I was sick for 3 days straight.  My body literally felt horrible.  But that's not what I want to talk about- I'm getting side tracked.

So my mom is so wonderful.  She knew it was important to me to go to Whole Foods so today she took me over there.  We bought all the healthy foods that I know and love while I jabbered incessantly about how good they make me feel.  She listened quietly and would nod occassionally, checking the labels of things while I guided the cart over here and then back over there.  Then she paid for all of my food, which seriously touched me because I never expected her to do that, since she didn't need to go grocery shopping at all.  I fully expected and anticipated that I would buy this food, since I'm completely aware that this was me being a health freak/spoiled brat.  I had to have certain foods because looking on the back of labels of things she has in her fridge and seeing 'high fructose corn syrup' as the second ingredient only behind 'partially hydrogenated oil' was sending me into tizzy fits.  Anyway, I learned a lot from her today.  How important she made me feel that she would come with me because she knew it was important to me.  She could've just let me borrow the car.  How she listened.  She never said it was getting old.  The fact that she spent time with me- it all meant so much.  I seriously hope I can be half the mother she is when it is my turn to have babies.  But again, I'm getting sidetracked.  This is NOT my point either.

My point is the conversation we were having in the car.  What is happening in our country in this day and age- to people's bodies- is not normal.  Never in the history of the world has any other civilization of people suffered weight gain like we are suffering it.  It's not normal.   Other countries people are not suffering it like we are.  No one is suffering at the speed in which we are suffering it.  IT'S NOT NORMAL.  However, that is not what I'm trying to get at either.  I only share that because it brought us to this next point that my mom made, that really sunk deep in my heart.  She said to me, "Yeah but, the way people lose weight is deeply personal.  What works for one, may not work for another.  What makes one person feel happy, makes another person feel deprived.  People get defensive and downright practically refuse to lose weight if you try to make them.  You cannot make anyone lose weight.  You have to let them do it on their own.  And you have to have confidence that you will succeed, or you won't give it a real effort."  And you know what- I agree with her.  For some reason, it was profound to me.  What works for me, may not work for you.  And vice versa.  Is there anything more annoying than someone else telling you how to lose weight?  And if you don't believe that you can do this- are you really going to give it the honest effort it requires?  We are all different.  What we're doing is different.  What works is different.  It's personal.

I am aware that this is not a big revelation to anyone but me.  I realize you may be sitting there right now thinking: That's it?  Yes.  That's it.  I am not going to listen to anyone else but myself from now on.  I am not going to push my beliefs on anyone else either.  I am not going to 'tsk tsk' anyone ever again.  But let me remind you- what's happening in our country is not normal.  What is causing this massive obesity epidemic?  Could it be what we're eating??

XO-

D