Remember that time I wrote about feeling awkward after I dropped a huge bomb? I don't know what to say after I drop these bombs; writing, talking, whatever I'm doing- it feels awkward. Today is one of those days. I feel awkward.
Yes, I had a freak out yesterday and thought that my life was crashing down around me and I was falling back into old ways. Today I woke up and decided I will NOT do that. It is my choice, after all. I don't always have to fall back into old ways. This is the time to be different.
Yes, sometimes I am weak; we all are. But I have worked for months to change myself and my habits. Yes, sometimes I crave sugar. Sometimes I sit and fantasize about eating sugar cookies and frosting and chocolate cake and whatever else I can get my greedy hands on. Apparently sometimes I give in too. Last night I wrote a post about it all- and I admitted every piece of sugar I've had. Yes, I've been stronger in the past; but it's okay. Today I am forgiving myself for all of it, and I am back to abstaining. I am back to committing to myself; I can do this.
As I laid in bed last night thinking about the day and the cravings I had, I remembered something. Yesterday while at Olive Garden, I had a Diet Coke. I didn't realize it last night, but it totally makes sense- I was craving sugar last night because I had a DC. I know about soda! I know about aspartame! I haven't had a soda in weeks. I can't believe I forgot.
Today I feel hopeful again. I am seriously considering not going to the dinner tonight with my friends. I want to go to ARP. I miss my meetings and the people there that love me and support me and are my friends.
This is the time to stay strong. To not give in; to not fall back into old habits. I can do this.