Thursday, December 16, 2010

Dirty Diet Coke.

Hi friends.

Remember that time I wrote about feeling awkward after I dropped a huge bomb?  I don't know what to say after I drop these bombs; writing, talking, whatever I'm doing- it feels awkward.  Today is one of those days.  I feel awkward.

Yes, I had a freak out yesterday and thought that my life was crashing down around me and I was falling back into old ways.  Today I woke up and decided I will NOT do that.  It is my choice, after all.  I don't always have to fall back into old ways.  This is the time to be different.

Yes, sometimes I am weak; we all are.  But I have worked for months to change myself and my habits.  Yes, sometimes I crave sugar.  Sometimes I sit and fantasize about eating sugar cookies and frosting and chocolate cake and whatever else I can get my greedy hands on.  Apparently sometimes I give in too.  Last night I wrote a post about it all- and I admitted every piece of sugar I've had.  Yes, I've been stronger in the past; but it's okay.  Today I am forgiving myself for all of it, and I am back to abstaining.  I am back to committing to myself; I can do this.

As I laid in bed last night thinking about the day and the cravings I had, I remembered something.  Yesterday while at Olive Garden, I had a Diet Coke.  I didn't realize it last night, but it totally makes sense- I was craving sugar last night because I had a DC.  I know about soda!  I know about aspartame!  I haven't had a soda in weeks.  I can't believe I forgot.

Today I feel hopeful again.  I am seriously considering not going to the dinner tonight with my friends.  I want to go to ARP.  I miss my meetings and the people there that love me and support me and are my friends.

This is the time to stay strong.  To not give in; to not fall back into old habits.  I can do this.



  1. I am so happy to read this today! yay for you! you would give somebody else another chance, so why wouldn't you deserve the same? Every day is a new day, and a new chance to start over! You know what I did today? I was making a disaster of a gingerbread train with my daughter. it was a complete mess, we're going to buy a new one and start again! anyway, i told her to go ahead and demolish it. have at it. she took a bite of the gingerbread cookie, and I asked if it was good. she said yes, so I asked her for a bite. I put it in my mouth, chewed it up,realized what I had done, and spit it out (without her seeing, I didn't want to hurt her feelings!). you will get back at it, and rock it, just like before! I have faith in you! ((((big snowman hugs))))

  2. Ahhh. Aspartame! You know, Diz, aspartame triggers me to binge more than straight sugar does. Really. I can have a teaspoon of usgar on my oatmeal with no ill effect, but aspartame--binge city every time. And, oddly, sometimes I forget that, too.

    I'm glad you found the culprit. Aspartame and the holidays--ack. It's a miracle you didn't do worse, much worse.

    Congratulations, fierce girl, you're doing this thing!


  3. I was at work reading your other post and dammit for some reason I can't comment at work but then I came home to go back and comment and I saw this blog so now I'm just going to say "YAHOO"...I knew you'd be okay. You're stronger than you realize...and you can do it. I know you can.

  4. Good job woman! I knew you would come down and realize the trigger. You know what I bet you would LURVE in your water everyday? Truulemon. It's dehydrated lemon, no fake stuff or sugars-but takes the edge off when you are craving flavored something.

  5. Glad to see you feeling more positive today! One bad day is definitely not the end of the world. The diet coke thing makes perfect sense!

  6. You can do this! I believe that since I got off diet coke I has much better control of my blood sugar and binges.

  7. I knew you'd get back on the wagon! Good for you doll!

  8. Dizzy I just wanted to tell you your amazing and can do anything! And one bad day is not the end of the world UNLESS you let it be!