Thursday, December 16, 2010

Dirty Diet Coke.

Hi friends.

Remember that time I wrote about feeling awkward after I dropped a huge bomb?  I don't know what to say after I drop these bombs; writing, talking, whatever I'm doing- it feels awkward.  Today is one of those days.  I feel awkward.

Yes, I had a freak out yesterday and thought that my life was crashing down around me and I was falling back into old ways.  Today I woke up and decided I will NOT do that.  It is my choice, after all.  I don't always have to fall back into old ways.  This is the time to be different.

Yes, sometimes I am weak; we all are.  But I have worked for months to change myself and my habits.  Yes, sometimes I crave sugar.  Sometimes I sit and fantasize about eating sugar cookies and frosting and chocolate cake and whatever else I can get my greedy hands on.  Apparently sometimes I give in too.  Last night I wrote a post about it all- and I admitted every piece of sugar I've had.  Yes, I've been stronger in the past; but it's okay.  Today I am forgiving myself for all of it, and I am back to abstaining.  I am back to committing to myself; I can do this.

As I laid in bed last night thinking about the day and the cravings I had, I remembered something.  Yesterday while at Olive Garden, I had a Diet Coke.  I didn't realize it last night, but it totally makes sense- I was craving sugar last night because I had a DC.  I know about soda!  I know about aspartame!  I haven't had a soda in weeks.  I can't believe I forgot.

Today I feel hopeful again.  I am seriously considering not going to the dinner tonight with my friends.  I want to go to ARP.  I miss my meetings and the people there that love me and support me and are my friends.

This is the time to stay strong.  To not give in; to not fall back into old habits.  I can do this.


D

8 comments:

  1. I am so happy to read this today! yay for you! you would give somebody else another chance, so why wouldn't you deserve the same? Every day is a new day, and a new chance to start over! You know what I did today? I was making a disaster of a gingerbread train with my daughter. it was a complete mess, we're going to buy a new one and start again! anyway, i told her to go ahead and demolish it. have at it. she took a bite of the gingerbread cookie, and I asked if it was good. she said yes, so I asked her for a bite. I put it in my mouth, chewed it up,realized what I had done, and spit it out (without her seeing, I didn't want to hurt her feelings!). you will get back at it, and rock it, just like before! I have faith in you! ((((big snowman hugs))))

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  2. Ahhh. Aspartame! You know, Diz, aspartame triggers me to binge more than straight sugar does. Really. I can have a teaspoon of usgar on my oatmeal with no ill effect, but aspartame--binge city every time. And, oddly, sometimes I forget that, too.

    I'm glad you found the culprit. Aspartame and the holidays--ack. It's a miracle you didn't do worse, much worse.

    Congratulations, fierce girl, you're doing this thing!

    Deb

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  3. I was at work reading your other post and dammit for some reason I can't comment at work but then I came home to go back and comment and I saw this blog so now I'm just going to say "YAHOO"...I knew you'd be okay. You're stronger than you realize...and you can do it. I know you can.

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  4. Good job woman! I knew you would come down and realize the trigger. You know what I bet you would LURVE in your water everyday? Truulemon. It's dehydrated lemon, no fake stuff or sugars-but takes the edge off when you are craving flavored something.

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  5. Glad to see you feeling more positive today! One bad day is definitely not the end of the world. The diet coke thing makes perfect sense!

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  6. You can do this! I believe that since I got off diet coke I has much better control of my blood sugar and binges.

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  7. I knew you'd get back on the wagon! Good for you doll!

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  8. Dizzy I just wanted to tell you your amazing and can do anything! And one bad day is not the end of the world UNLESS you let it be!

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