I've been 50 days without sugar (51 days since I started- I don't count Thanksgiving). Or you can look at it as- I went 43 days, had a little sugar on Thanksgiving, and now it's been another 7 days since. Either way, it amazes me to think that it's been almost two months. I can't believe I've come so far; I'm so proud of myself. Once the habit is finally broken- it gets so much easier. I hope I never go back; I was walking around the grocery store yesterday thinking..."Wow...look at me. Shopping at Mother's. It's a health food store! Since when did I become all healthy? Since when did I eat quinoa and butternut squash and salads with almonds and blue cheese and raspberries? Since when did I begin to love these foods and eat so simply and wholesome? Since when did these foods begin to taste so delicious and flavorful? Where did the dread go? Where did the forcing myself to eat healthy go? Where did the cravings for crap, including restaurant food go? Since when did I go 49 days (and counting) without sugar and not even think about it?" I feel better than I have in a long time. No aches. No pains in my body. I'm hovering around 138 pounds right now and slimming down further. No self loathing. I have hope that I will lose more by Christmas. I am not angry at my body or myself. I am not disappointed. I am berating myself under my breath and staying in my room because I don't want to talk to anyone or be around anyone because I'm pissed.
I still have a hard time making myself go to the gym though. :) I've been going everyday for the last 2 weeks, except Sunday. Today, I'm still putting it off- it's now 3 o'clock in the afternoon, I haven't showered yet (because I haven't worked out yet), and I'm still doing everything else except go. I will go when I'm done with this post. As another blogger always says- I will not excuse myself today.
When I get back from Christmas- I am going to swallow my pride, go out there, and find another job. A part time job- to help me make a little more money every month so I can get my friggin credit card debt paid off. I want it gone- it's the next major tackle in my life. Because I am an addict- I tend to shop; alot. It's another addiction of mine. Even though I don't have much debt- I can't seem to get rid of it because every time I start to pay it down, I also start swiping the cards again. I have taken them out of my wallet. It's not like I spend a lot- but I am on such a tight budget right now that if anyone wants to go to lunch or go out to dinner or go to a movie- I have to either put it on the card or take cash out of savings so that I can afford to go (which means I can't afford to go). Sometimes I'll stay strong- other times I get rebellious and start moaning about how I never get to do anything and then I just start spending everything I have. But as one of my addictions- I have to get this under control. I have to start acknowledging I have a problem so I can resolve it.
Saving money is so hard for me. I don't want to save money- why would I want to do that? I hate it! Of course it's nice when I have more money in my savings- it means I get to buy bigger items.
It sucks- I literally have 6 dollars in my checking account right now and don't get paid until Monday. My car is almost on E. Several of my friends invited me to dinner and a movie tonight- and I'm still not sure I'm going to say no. I hate always saying no and especially on the weekends. I get bored sitting at home while everyone else is out! It makes me feel like I grounded myself. No thank you! So when I get home from Christmas- I am going to suck it up and find a little part timer to give me a little more money. :)
Have a good weekend my friends! xoxoxo!