Monday, June 13, 2011


Yesterday I was able to go to church for the first time in like...a month.

I know it sounds lame, but honestly I woke up excited.  I knew I would hear something that would lift me and inspire me a tad bit.  And I did.

Someone that I know is moving south and he offered words of advice to the "singles" of the church.  To the women he said- "Don't become bitter."  To the men he said- "Don't give up."  Both of these thoughts inspired me- but not because I'm single and not married.  Am I the only girl alive who could care less right now about being single?  Possibly.  Anyway- these words sunk deep into my heart regarding my job situation.  I don't want to become bitter that this job thing hasn't worked out the way I was planning.  I also don't want to give up (and I can't).  As I was discussing further with a friend last night, he mentioned that there are people out there that, despite their situation, remain positive and upbeat, despite life's challenges.  He talked about a woman who was burned alive all over her body and her blog and how so many people read her blog and follow her because, despite her challenges with having to wear special gloves and do things in a particular way because she is so mangled, she is positive and inspiring.  I know a few people who are like this and it intrigues me.  So many times I've said in my heart and head (and really meant it) that I can be this type of person too.  But then when the waves start to crash in on life, I inevitably forget and go into panic mode.

I'm not saying this to beat on myself.  I'm wondering how these people honestly do it.  I know it's a mental choice, but it has to be so much more than that because I can get up and make a mental choice not to throw a pity party, but the pain still resides.  How do they get rid of the pain and fear?  Or how do they minimize it?

I'm inspired.  The other thing I've been thinking about is that things are still progressing with all of the boys.  I'm starting to get nervous- I've been dating most of these guys for about 4-5 weeks now.  It feels like things are getting more serious, with all of them, and yet I still can't decide who to toss and who to keep.  I also can't decide if I really like any of them (my roommate says I don't), or if I do but am just reluctant.  I can't seem to let any of them go, however, it's getting more and more serious with all of them.  Last night I had Michigan over to watch a movie, and two others were texting me.  With one of them I was having a more serious conversation about how we need to spend a little more time together.  When????  When do I have time to spend more time with any of them??  I'm with a different one every night!  Last night was Michigan, tonight will be Michigan again, tomorrow night is AZ.  They all complain they haven't seen me in weeks (because they haven't- I've been MIA with work).  I don't know how to keep juggling this many- it has been fun but usually by now someone has fallen off.  The surfer fell off finally.  I could care less- though last week he was my top choice.  This is all so strange...

Not to mention I've gained 6 pounds and am pissed at myself.  I'm done being wild.  I made a vow to step it back up- starting today.  Running and yoga, here we go again.  I will not keep gaining in the middle of the summer!

XO my loves-



  1. Dizzy,
    I don't think now is a good time to make a decision of any kind about the guys. This is too stressful a time and you are indecisive anyway. Let them all know you are not wanting to be serious right now and that you just want to see them for companionship. Tell them there is a lot going on in your life and you don't like making any kind of permanent decision right now. You have a lot on your plate, Diz. Hang in there.

  2. Ah honey - I'm so glad you got some divine intervention at church...that sermon was meant for you without you even knowing it...about not giving up or becoming bitter. Dig deep - you so got this.

  3. I think you have remained quite strong despite your challenges right now. I think once the career situation works out you will be able to decide on the guys. Sounds like maybe you should enjoy their distraction. =)

    Love ya Diz, I know in my heart things will turn around for you.

  4. Trust that your soul has a plan and even if you can't see it completely, know everything will unfold as it is meant to.-Deepak Chopra Thought of you when I read this. big hugs!

  5. Dizzy, what Karen and Draz said. No, not being lazy at all -- they nailed all the points I thought about :)

    You can manage this, and you don't need Serious!Boy!Decisions! on top of it. You'll deal. Promise :)