Well, I still haven't really sold a machine for work.
I'm stressed. Like, really really stressed about it. Most of the day I live in denial- because it seems to be the only way I can cope. Yesterday I was at the bank and I was freaking out on my banker and she ended up sneaking me a xanax so I would calm down. I finally told my boss yesterday that I am working until the 15th- if I haven't sold a machine by then, then I will be forced to quit to find something else because I HAVE to make money to pay my rent for next month. The good news is- he said 3 things. #1- he gets it. He understands that I have to do what I have to do. #2- that he is going to do everything in his power to help me make it happen. #3- that some of the other reps have either quit or been let go in my area- so hopefully that opens up some more opportunities for me in the next week.
I've been thinking a lot about this last one. Since I will not most likely just 'snag a job' right around the 15th when i need one, I am going to begin putting out my resume right now. It is literally killing me to do this because I want to do the job I'm doing so bad, but I'm too broke to keep doing it. So I've decided I'm going to go in and talk to the head honcho on the 15th, if I haven't sold anything by then. I'm going to remind him I'm the only rep left in my area- So Cal. I'm going to remind him that it's cheaper to pay me more $$ than train new reps, and that he should help me out because I'm so super close to closing a few deals right now anyway. And I'm going to kindly ask for more money. I know it sounds insane; I would NEVER normally ask for more money when I'm only 2 months into a job. But I'm the only rep left in this part of the state. The longer there is no one here to fill mine and the other reps places- the longer deals go cold and new leads don't get followed up on. I am willing to take less commission to make more salary; that's fine. I will still work. I really really hope that he is willing to listen to my side of things. Lucky for me, I've heard through the grapevine that they've already been considering upping people's pay anyway because they are having a problem keeping reps (because everyone is broke so they leave). Keep your fingers crossed for me.
I also want to take a moment to say thank you to you who have prayed for me, or even just said that you're thinking about me. It means so much. I have really really been struggling lately- faith wise. I am having a hard time understanding God's ways; I know that his ways are not my ways and his plan is not going to coincide with my plan, but the stress of not having any money takes my hope away that better things are coming. Does that make sense? The good news is my roommate finally came home the other day and was able to give me a pep talk to lift my spirits- and she really did help me quite a bit. I have been so frustrated and angry that I have forgotten to look outside my scope and remember God has bigger plans than this moment for me. It's still hard to hold on to that though and have faith as I stumble through this hardship. I acknowledge that I quit my job to pursue this opportunity. I just didn't know it was going to get this hard.
Anyway- I could cycle back to this over and over. All of the boys are still around and they're all about to get cut. I'm bored. 2 of them are pushing too hard, the other 2- the 2 I actually like, are not pushing enough. I hear from them like, once a week. I need more.
Diet wise- eh. I haven't been eating terribly, and I've been going to yoga and that's it. I don't even know the last time I went on a run, which is sad because I know the run would help me relieve stress so much. But I'm tired all the time these days, trying to just survive. I haven't gained or lost any pounds, so at least that's good. I have been drinking a ton of water- as much as I can (I've been shooting for 3 liters a day or more), and that at least keeps me hydrated and somewhat healthy. Now if I can just get back to working out...
XO my loves-
So I'm on to the next. Still trying to find a balance...