Thursday, February 17, 2011

Dead Non Boyfriend.

I think I'm going crazy.

I just got home from work and came to check my comments from a post I wrote last night.  Instead, I found two drafts from last night...both drafts were empty.  What was I doing exactly?  I could've sworn I wrote a post.  I'm losing my mind.

This week has been super hard as far as diet/workouts go.  I'm managing to get my workouts in but I am eating so so so terribly.  I have no desire to stop- that's the worst part of it.  I'm just kind of bummed still from the whole Goose (guy that I went to Chicago with) broke up with me even though he's not my boyfriend thing.  Yeah, Monday we had a discussion about our relationship because he made a comment early in the day that pissed me off.  It was Valentine's Day so I guess he felt pressured to mention that he "thought" about sending me flowers...which of course sent me into a tirade.  It's not a good idea to say that to someone, ps.  Either you send the flowers, or you don't; you don't get points for "thinking" about it.  Made me feel like I wasn't worth flowers or wasn't worth the time or $$ to send them, which I eventually told him, and ultimately we had to have a talk about the whole thing.  He finally told me how he really feels- that even though I'm "so great", he doesn't want to do long distance.  I can't blame him- long distance sucks a fat one and I know this from personal experience.  But it still sucked because I like him and I guess I was holding on to a glimmer of hope.  Maybe I should've just taken the hint from the fact that he didn't send the flowers.  Ah...I can be so dense sometimes.

Anyway- so I've been trying to process those feelings for several days now.  You know- letting go, moving on (even though I've said this several times now. I just don't want to.).  So consequently I've been running and doing yoga like crazy.  I've also been pigging out even more.  I'm barely maintaining.  I feel gross 90% of the time.  And I can't stop.

Process. Process. Process.  Let myself go through the process, I will pull through eventually and get back on track.  I just wish I could fast forward a month and be on with it.  Then it could be March and I could be freaking out about getting in a swimsuit instead of mourning the loss of my beloved who was never mine to begin with...

:(

Welcome to my life.

D

6 comments:

  1. (((((((Dizzy)))))) I'm sorry. I know you are hurting. Just try not to hurt yourself more with the food. Hugs are better. Call a friend and hash it all out. :) You can even call me if you want to email me your number or vice versa.

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  2. Oh. I'm sorry. That kind of thing is always a disappointment.

    It's the chase syndrome. Even if you're not serious about whatever/whoever, the chase is a thrill and when you catch it, you may turn it down--but it feels bad to be turned down first.

    Just let me call your attention to Friday's post. You know the one before Monday when you two had "the talk". Maybe you'll feel better if you read it.

    Set you sites on something else. Like building a business or continueing your job search or researching grad programs and working on your app packet. You know, find another chase to get the juices going.

    Still, sorry you feel let down.

    Deb

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  3. i'm with Deb, Dizzy. get yourself another chase on.

    i keep thinking about what you said to me about how it's going to happen (weight loss, in this case) in my time, when i'm ready. it will happen, Lord willing (because it's the Lord's hand in everything)! and everything you need in life WILL happen for you, in its time.

    i know that's come to be so cliche- in time, in time. but when God controls time, and it all goes back to God, i think it's applicable every moment of life.

    i can't wait to see what the future holds for you!!

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  4. I wish I had some good advice. Keep blogging and I'll keep reading.

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  5. Ugh - I'm sorry it ended. I am. It sucks a fat baby's ass...and I'm sorry I was the one who started it. I could have saved you heartache....but everything for a reason right? I love you D.

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  6. Muffin it will be ok. Long distance sucks, ending relationships sucks and well you had alot. You still have so much to accomplish and your too amazing to be treating your body so badly by filling it with crap food. Yoga and running are great, but what about keeping a paper and pen by your stash. You should write a letter to your self about why your gonna eat that crap. Diz I know your strong. xoxox

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