I think I'm going crazy.
I just got home from work and came to check my comments from a post I wrote last night. Instead, I found two drafts from last night...both drafts were empty. What was I doing exactly? I could've sworn I wrote a post. I'm losing my mind.
This week has been super hard as far as diet/workouts go. I'm managing to get my workouts in but I am eating so so so terribly. I have no desire to stop- that's the worst part of it. I'm just kind of bummed still from the whole Goose (guy that I went to Chicago with) broke up with me even though he's not my boyfriend thing. Yeah, Monday we had a discussion about our relationship because he made a comment early in the day that pissed me off. It was Valentine's Day so I guess he felt pressured to mention that he "thought" about sending me flowers...which of course sent me into a tirade. It's not a good idea to say that to someone, ps. Either you send the flowers, or you don't; you don't get points for "thinking" about it. Made me feel like I wasn't worth flowers or wasn't worth the time or $$ to send them, which I eventually told him, and ultimately we had to have a talk about the whole thing. He finally told me how he really feels- that even though I'm "so great", he doesn't want to do long distance. I can't blame him- long distance sucks a fat one and I know this from personal experience. But it still sucked because I like him and I guess I was holding on to a glimmer of hope. Maybe I should've just taken the hint from the fact that he didn't send the flowers. Ah...I can be so dense sometimes.
Anyway- so I've been trying to process those feelings for several days now. You know- letting go, moving on (even though I've said this several times now. I just don't want to.). So consequently I've been running and doing yoga like crazy. I've also been pigging out even more. I'm barely maintaining. I feel gross 90% of the time. And I can't stop.
Process. Process. Process. Let myself go through the process, I will pull through eventually and get back on track. I just wish I could fast forward a month and be on with it. Then it could be March and I could be freaking out about getting in a swimsuit instead of mourning the loss of my beloved who was never mine to begin with...
Welcome to my life.