Tuesday, February 8, 2011


Are you guys dying to know how Chicago went?

My weekend was amazing.  It was one of those rare moments in life when you actually realize that the events happening around you are changing who you are as a person for the better.

I was supposed to leave Thursday night but because of the weather, my flight was cancelled and rescheduled for Friday, so I when I arrived at O'hare, it was around 6 pm Friday night.  The city was insanely beautiful- imagine Chicago city lights sparkling from the earth below (I was looking from the air) with the sun setting in the west and large chunks of ice frozen on the lake in the east.  There is an excitement and energy in big cities that I am addicted to.  I feel it every time I go to LA.  I felt it in Chicago.  Have you ever had something happen in your life when you suddenly realized that this moment was perfect and you would have done anything to capture it in it's perfectness?  You almost panic because you're afraid that you can't remember it all, exactly as it is and even as you think about it, you know it's passing you by.  That was me Friday night on the plane, hovering over Chicago.

The air was crisp and clear when I finally got outside of the airport and I was anxious to get to the hotel to start getting ready for my evening.  We had dinner reservations at a restaurant downtown at 8:30, so after a huge fiasco with my transportation from the airport, I made it to the hotel with about 10 minutes before we were supposed to leave for dinner (NOT what I had planned!).  It was barely enough time to update my make up and I was super annoyed and therefore in a crappy mood until I saw "Goose" walking across the lobby to meet me and take me to our room.  I knew what he looked like because we have been talking on video chat for several months, but still, he was so tall (thats the first thing I noticed)!  He's 6'4 and I'm 5'4, so he's tall. :)  I love tall men, have I ever mentioned that?  LOVE LOVE LOVE them.  They are so sexy...he came up and gave me a huge hug.  "Hello there Beautiful Lady, glad you made it" and right away I knew it was going to be an awesome weekend.

We had a fantastic 'first date'.  We went to dinner at this fancy restaurant downtown that was really amazing and then we came back to the hotel room because I was too tired to actually go out and do anything.  We kissed for the first time there and ultimately ended up making out until my face was raw- literally.  From his scruffy beard face.  I seriously have a scab on the tip of my nose and on my chin; of course I couldn't feel it in the moment- nor would it have stopped me from kissing him constantly that whole night.  It ended up being perfect that we didn't go out because we could relax and talk and cuddle and just get to know each other a little better before the rest of the weekend began.

My favorite moment came Sunday morning though.  We were staying at the Crown Plaza Hotel, right off of Magnificent Mile; Skyscrapers abounded outside our hotel window.  We were site seeing all day Saturday and ended up crashing so hard Saturday night that I don't even remember hitting the bed.  And the bed was so huge I never even felt him in my vicinity once, until I woke up to someone kissing my forehead. :) "Good morning Gorgeous".  I was immediately scooped up and cuddled for a few minutes before he finally got up and opened the curtains.  To our surprise, it was snowing.  The window was a huge one from floor to ceiling, and we laid in bed til about 10 just watching the snow fall all around the skyscrapers outside.  I don't know if I've ever had a more perfect moment in my life.  It was so relaxing; being in a wonderful city, with a wonderful man in a huge plush bed, enjoying the snowfall outside the window.  From the warmth of our bed.  Being able to forget all of the stress in our lives and just enjoy the Sunday morning peace and laziness of a city that is barely waking up itself.

Everywhere we went, he had control of every thing and I loved it (don't you love a man that's in charge?).  Reservations were booked.  Options for site seeing/city touring were carefully mapped and laid out.  Bus routes were memorized and studied.  Train departures were written down and easily accessed at a moments notice.  Restaurants were reviewed and listed.  Bags were carried, hand was held, and face and lips were gently kissed whenever or wherever a moment allowed.  Knowing glances and winks in elevators and in bus stops.  Arm around the waist and hand on the small of my back always, plus a helping hand over puddles and around snow piles in the street.  Doors always opened for me.  I don't know if I've ever been treated more like a princess than during those 3 days.  He is respectful, gentle, kind.  He is smart and quiet (which is good because I'm a loud mouth that is constantly talking and talking).  He is patient; so patient.  It seems like no matter what I throw at him- he always remains completely calm.

By Monday afternoon, I was sobbing while he dropped me off.  He left work in the middle of the day and came and picked me up from the airport, bought my bus ticket to Chicago, and took me to the bus station.  I was so touched that he would be so kind all weekend, but especially in this moment when I was up a creek at the airport and really needed someone (I had to leave the airport in his hometown and take a bus to Chicago to fly out of there in order to make it home- another long and uninteresting story).  I couldn't help it- I began crying when he leaned in and kiss me good bye for the second time that day.

While I sat on the bus- bawling my freaking head off- I texted him to see if I would ever see him again.  He said he didn't know; neither of us can afford to just fly back and forth to see each other whenever we want (he lives in WI and I live in CA).  I have to be realistic here- although I think this guy is amazing, I don't know that I can do a long distance relationship like this, nor am I sure that he wants to either.  We've talked about it a few times and we both know it's too hard and I would never ask him to not leave himself open to meeting a great girl there; nor could I shut myself down to someone here.  So I have tried to recognize this weekend  for what it was/is.  Something amazing that I will always look back on and love and envy myself for (wishing I could be there again).  I seriously do feel like it was a tender mercy to my heart from God- I needed everything that happened this weekend to happen in my life right now.  I needed to get away from work and the stress of the GRE that has plagued me for a week.  I needed so bad to be told that I am beautiful and gorgeous and adorable and kissed and touched and looked at and held like that over and over.  I needed someone to respect me and my boundaries and not push me.  I needed someone to listen and be supportive.  I needed to be whisked away and be renewed by the energy of the city like that.

Now, I'm just trying to keep moving.  I'm back to work; and back to life.  I'm back to watching what I eat and finding time to work out and talk to my friends and family.  I'm back to the hustle and bustle of my life and the energy of California- warm, sunny, inviting.  While I loved Chicago- there was nothing that made me happier than to walk outside of the airport last night and feel the 62 degree breeze and know I was home.  I absolutely know I am supposed to be where I am right now- and that feels amazing.  I am right where I am supposed to be.

So yeah, it was a beautiful weekend. :)




  1. I'm glad you had a wonderful time. Now you have a "preview" of what you want in your life. :)

  2. Wow, what an amazing story! Thats really all I have to say about that! Glad you had such a wonderful time, and see, there are really decent guys out there!

  3. I'm so glad it was a wonderful time for both of you, Dizzy. It sounds like it should have a happy ending and I'm a little sad that it didn't end as I would want it to. You know best what is right for you though. I'm sure he does too. It is such a bitter-sweet story. :)