Thursday, January 13, 2011


It was time to go to bed an hour ago and instead I went to Walmart.  Now I'm home and trolling blogs.  Don't get me wrong, I'm super tired.  I've been studying and working all day for the past several days and I haven't gotten enough sleep.  But I had another MASSIVE diet pepsi today and that was pretty much all of the liquid I drank- except for 4 cups of tea tonight after dinner.  I haven't peed a drop (which tells you how thirsty I am), and I'm wide awake from the caffeine, so that tells you how healthy I've become.

I have officially gained 5 pounds back as of this morning since the holidays.  Back into the 140's I've plunged without one hesitation.

I'm pissed.

Because I was wallowing in self pity all day, I chose to indulge in copious amounts of pizza, garlic rolls, and diet pepsi for lunch.  Super healthy.  Since we're being honest here- I should also admit I went to Yogurtland last night for a huge tub of frozen yogurt to inhale as well.  I didn't care while shoveling it all in my face- no way.  At least yesterday's lunch binge was on salad.  This is day two of me not working out at all, and drinking over abundant amounts of diet pepsi.  I don't even like diet pepsi!!!!! Remember?  It's Coke Zero!  What the Hell!

Speaking of that crack juice- whilst at Walmart tonight I stood in front of the Coke Zero 6 packs for 10 minutes, debating on if I could have some now since I'm clearly on the train to Fatland and not giving a damn.  Remember that I had a New Year's Resolution to not drink soda?  Yeah, that lasted 11 days.  Not even 2 weeks!  Wow.  Luckily tonight I walked away without purchasing that nectar of heaven hell.

What am I going to do with myself. I cannot...repeat...CANNOT be on this train right now.  Already I'm rolling around the house in sweats, convinced my clothes don't fit and I can't workout or do anything productive.

5 pounds.

It can take you from slim and trim and loving life- to obese, reclusive and hoarding a tub of ice cream in 0 seconds flat.  5 frakking pounds.

This, by the way, was NOT a writing exercise.  I should be working on my Letter of Intent; instead I'm writing this post.  But hey- I need something from my former life...right???

Miss you all, love you all...



  1. Dizzy, I have an award for your over on my blog. You can pick it up any time. Once I have notified the winners I will be back to read your blog. Hugs. Sunshine (Karen)

  2. NOT piggy. Very normal -- our bodies tend to crave things that give energy, and sugars and fats are good, quick sources of energy. In today's society where we're not having to chase down some rogue mastodon for dinner it can be a bit obnoxious, I'll grant you...

    My unsolicited advice of the day (because I just read a lovely article on goal-setting) is to focus on what you *will* do, rather than what you won't. Frame things in terms of positive. "I will make healthy choice X" rather than "I won't make unhealthy choice Y"... you know, and all that rainbows and unicorns stuff ;)

    But for me... it works. Giving myself a positive goal rather than a restrictive goal puts me back in control, rather than feeling as if my goals are in charge. It's a mindgame, but what the heck.

    Hang in -- you've got so many changes going on! You'll be just fine.

  3. (((((Dizzy))) You have 'fessed up and owned up. It happens to all of us. We all have times when we have not control and just don't give a fuck what we put in our mouths. Hopefully, those moments get more and more rare and we get out act back together and back on track. Do not stop here. Get back on the train and keep going. You CAN do it but first you have to BELIEVE you can do it. Hugs.

  4. I'm in the same place right now Diz. I am up and down and all around and binging like a mad person every other day. From caramel covered strawberries and whipped cream to hot pockets to pasta covered in alfredo etc etc etc. You don't even wanna see my list of binge foods. And I am a Dr. Pepper gal so I don't even do diet, I got for the real thing.

    It sucks. But we have both gotten back on track many times and we will again. Hopefully sooner than later!

    I feel for ya!

  5. Diz, what is eating t your brain, your heart, your thoughts? What are you trying to numb, quiet, shut down with the food and soda? If you can find the answer, you can derail the train and get back on your chosen track.

    Don't be hating on yourself. Think it out and do what you know you can do.


    Oh, and about your comment on Draz's blog post, today: Don't. Please don't.

  6. Awww, fierce girl. I have no words of helpful advice--I do not qualify for giving advice in this department. at..all. :(

    Just know that I know that you'll get back on the right track for you as far as eating goes. You will. I know it.

    From recent (as in this week) personal experience: Old coping methods die hard. Especially if that coping method has morphed into addiction.

    Like you didn't know that. Told you I wouldn't be helpful.

    Hugs, fierce girl,