Sunday, January 30, 2011


Well, I guess I have to admit it:  I took the GRE yesterday and completely bombed it.  BOMBED it.

I knew it was going to happen, and yet there was a small part of me that hoped I was smart enough to do better.  When I got the score (you get them right at the end), it was all I could do not to break down right there.  By the time I got into the parking lot though, I was sobbing.  I cried all night, and then, I got a text this morning that woke me up asking me how I did and it sparked the tears all over again.  So I spent half of the day today crying too.  I'm just disappointed; I was so excited to go to grad school and start something new.  Unfortunately, I did so terribly on the test, that I will not be able to apply anywhere with that score.  I would need to retest...and I don't think I'm up for that.

So I'm putting the grad school thing back on the shelf and moving on.  Basically right now I'm trying to get out of this huge spiral of a funk I got myself into.  I no longer want to be around anyone else.  I no longer want to try to do anything.  I just want to be in my room, with the door closed, laying in my bed.  I've forced myself to get up and get on with life because I don't want to do that- but it's hard.  It's hard because people keep asking how I did, and I don't want to tell them.  I'm embarrassed.  I know I shouldn't feel this way because that test is a hard test and everyone knows I decided last minute to do it and you can't just take that test last minute like that, but I feel completely dumb and inadequate.  I've never felt this way before but man did it sink in quite easily.  I've lost all confidence in myself for the time being...

I know it will come back to me, I'm just telling you the truth.  I started looking for a new job last night once I got home from the testing center.  Chicago texted me and told me to give myself a few days and take a break.  He is so sweet, but I can't take a break right now.  I need to find something else to do.

Okay friends, I'm off to bed.  I will say that tonight I went out with a group of my friends and it was so wonderful.  I really really did not want to go but I'm so glad I did because it was the first time since yesterday that I was finally able to put everything out of my head and just have fun.  My friend that i love dearly showed up with a mullet and I forgot my woes for like- 3 hours.  How can you sulk when there is a mullet around??

XO friends-



  1. I'm sorry, Dizzy. I know how much that test meant to you. Maybe it is best to let it rest for a bit but don't give up on your dream. I believe that when the pain of this episode is over you can absolutely go at it again. Don't put it on the shelf for good. When the emotional part is over reevaluate what you missed when you studied and then make some changes to compensate for what you lacked. Then get back on the horse and study again. I'm sure lot of people don't do well the first time they take it. Give yourself some time and then try again. :) I wish you the best.

  2. I'm so sorry it didn't go well. I agree that you probably should take a break and then look at the situation with a clear head again in a few weeks. Don't write it off completely, maybe look into a study course for the test that might help.
    Get some rest...

  3. Oh-Diz, I am so sorry. Chicago is right-take a few days and regroup. I know you wanted this. I know you can achieve it. And if you decide this is something you just don't want,then so be it. Make your peace and don't look back.

    You are a remarkable woman.

    Love-Miss S.

  4. OK, Diz. Most people who have been out of school for a while do badly on their first attempt at a GRE. Really.

    The first one is a dress rehearsal. Now you know exactly what it's like and you'll be able to take time to prepare for a known thing instead of a shot in the dark. A little class/book/seminar on taking the GRE will mean more now that you've taken the actual test.

    Secondly, the odds are that even if you had aced the test, you wouldn't have been acceptetd in a popular grad school for the next term anyway. You were too close to deadline for most schools to have openings.

    A smaller school with a more localized interest base will accept students right up to semester start, but the bigger schools are often full before the app deadline even arrives.

    Most people who are accepted apply the first week apps can be turned in. And we all learn that bit of info, by thinking we have until the date the school SAYS we have to apply. (I thought that if the deadline was March 14th, that they didin't look at any of the submission until March 15th. Soooo naive.)

    At any rate, it's okay to shelve grad school for now, but don't lock the door. Keep working on your application elements for the schools you are interested in. Take a seminar on GREs. Prepare you game plan financially. Make sure you're looking at the right program in the right school. VISIT the schools. Talk to people.

    This is a huge investment in time and money (Unless you get aid) and hope. It is a good thing that you are now forced to take time. It is a luxury and a gift. Let yourself benefit from it.

    All that said--I'm so sorry you were disapointed and felt inadequate because of the score. I would have felt the same way. I would have! The wisdom I gave you above was hard learned. Let my scrapes and bruises benefit you. :)


  5. You are NOT inadequate and I know you know that and will see that in a few days but for now you have a right to your feelings. Anyone would feel down and upset so I think that is valid. But I also know in a few days the D I love and admire will come raging back and we'll all be here waiting. Happy or sad - I love you like bacon loves eggs.

  6. I agree with Deb. You should consider re-taking the exam. Get a tutor if you have to. You can do it!