Happy Thanksgiving my friends! I hope your day is filled with lots of friends, family, love and happiness. And PEACE!!! And good food. :) Try not to stress too much- just enjoy your day!!!
XOXOXOXOXOXO-
D
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Food Hell.
I'm still up 2.4 pounds from my binge last Thursday and I am annoyed. Royally annoyed.
Part of the reason I'm not able to drop it off as quickly as I'd like is because everyday there seems to be some celebration at work or wherever and I feel like I am stuck in Thanksgiving hell. I hope I don't get struck by lightening for saying that, but it's true! Yesterday, for example, I got up and ate a healthy breakfast (1/2 cup rolled oats), went for a run on the beach (4 miles) and then had an apple for my midmorning snack (around 11- to hold me over til 1ish when I take my normal lunch). Well, I as at a high school, working on a project with a counselor, and the counselor asked (around 12:30) if I would please stay for lunch; they had a lunch catered in and plenty of food because it was their last day of school before the holiday. So, of course I said yes because in my mind it was free food- and I always take free food over spending money on lunch...which is stupid I know, but I can't help it. You would've done the same!
Anyway, it was basically Thanksgiving dinner. Ham, Turkey, Mashed potatoes, Stuffing, cranberry sauce, rolls, and all kinds of desserts. Now...after the last binge I've decided to up my vegetarian game- so I have made the vow (again) to not eat any meat for awhile. I'm trying to decide if I will make an exception on Turkey day- not because I love turkey and can't go without it, but because I'm eating at a friends parents house for dinner and I don't want to be the weird/rude girl who doesn't eat turkey OR dessert. So I'm choosing my battle- sugar is definitely out- no ifs, ands, or buts about that. So do I eat the turkey then? How do I get around that so no one thinks it's weird? She is having a large group..there will be people everywhere; I can't make a scene. Dessert is easy to avoid- I'm too full!! It's the turkey...
Anyway- I digress. My point is- I ended up having a huge lunch yesterday that kept me full until about 6. I didn't have any meat yesterday- but I did have mash potatoes, stuffing, rolls with butter and cranberry sauce, a little tomato/cucumber salad, and tons of gravy. Basically it was a carb addicts dream, and I did my best to eat slow, and not eat a lot of it. However, when I came home and added up the points (WW)- I was still 10 over target. Fuh.
Today I am having lunch with my co-workers at Cheesecake Factory. Do I even need to explain? Like I said- everyday is Thanksgiving hell this week. Why has this become the standard? I remember a few years ago when I would basically starve and work out all week so that T Day didn't affect me as bad. Now it seems everywhere I go- there is food, food, and more food. And everyone wants to celebrate like it's T Day. I just want this week to be over with.
The good news is- I'm working out everyday right now. It's keeping the numbers down. While I still have 2.4 to lose to get back to where I was pre-binge- at least the numbers aren't climbing. I'm just bummed because usually post binge I can lose the excess water weight within a few days...and now it's been a week. I'm also very close to goal tho so it's harder to lose weight and keep it off.
Okay love birds...I am signing off for now. Happy Thanksgiving! May you have a blessed day tomorrow!!!
XO-
D
Part of the reason I'm not able to drop it off as quickly as I'd like is because everyday there seems to be some celebration at work or wherever and I feel like I am stuck in Thanksgiving hell. I hope I don't get struck by lightening for saying that, but it's true! Yesterday, for example, I got up and ate a healthy breakfast (1/2 cup rolled oats), went for a run on the beach (4 miles) and then had an apple for my midmorning snack (around 11- to hold me over til 1ish when I take my normal lunch). Well, I as at a high school, working on a project with a counselor, and the counselor asked (around 12:30) if I would please stay for lunch; they had a lunch catered in and plenty of food because it was their last day of school before the holiday. So, of course I said yes because in my mind it was free food- and I always take free food over spending money on lunch...which is stupid I know, but I can't help it. You would've done the same!
Anyway, it was basically Thanksgiving dinner. Ham, Turkey, Mashed potatoes, Stuffing, cranberry sauce, rolls, and all kinds of desserts. Now...after the last binge I've decided to up my vegetarian game- so I have made the vow (again) to not eat any meat for awhile. I'm trying to decide if I will make an exception on Turkey day- not because I love turkey and can't go without it, but because I'm eating at a friends parents house for dinner and I don't want to be the weird/rude girl who doesn't eat turkey OR dessert. So I'm choosing my battle- sugar is definitely out- no ifs, ands, or buts about that. So do I eat the turkey then? How do I get around that so no one thinks it's weird? She is having a large group..there will be people everywhere; I can't make a scene. Dessert is easy to avoid- I'm too full!! It's the turkey...
Anyway- I digress. My point is- I ended up having a huge lunch yesterday that kept me full until about 6. I didn't have any meat yesterday- but I did have mash potatoes, stuffing, rolls with butter and cranberry sauce, a little tomato/cucumber salad, and tons of gravy. Basically it was a carb addicts dream, and I did my best to eat slow, and not eat a lot of it. However, when I came home and added up the points (WW)- I was still 10 over target. Fuh.
Today I am having lunch with my co-workers at Cheesecake Factory. Do I even need to explain? Like I said- everyday is Thanksgiving hell this week. Why has this become the standard? I remember a few years ago when I would basically starve and work out all week so that T Day didn't affect me as bad. Now it seems everywhere I go- there is food, food, and more food. And everyone wants to celebrate like it's T Day. I just want this week to be over with.
The good news is- I'm working out everyday right now. It's keeping the numbers down. While I still have 2.4 to lose to get back to where I was pre-binge- at least the numbers aren't climbing. I'm just bummed because usually post binge I can lose the excess water weight within a few days...and now it's been a week. I'm also very close to goal tho so it's harder to lose weight and keep it off.
Okay love birds...I am signing off for now. Happy Thanksgiving! May you have a blessed day tomorrow!!!
XO-
D
Friday, November 19, 2010
Sheesh..
Okay okay...I survived my tantrum/binge and lived to have a great day today.
Just thought I should update everyone as I'm a little embarrassed of my outburst last night. Yes, I did overeat/binge. Yes, I need to learn to stop a head of time. Sometimes I can totally stop and get a grip- other times I seem to mentally "go somewhere else" whilst shoveling food. Last night was one of those times.
On a sad note- I'm back in the 140's. My week in the 130's was short lived. However, I will try to get back there again, as I like the 130's so much better than the 140's. Today I'm taking a break because it's hard work and i'm tired from constantly watching my food. My tantrum was exhausting. What does that mean? Not that I'm binging today- it means I'm not thinking about it. I had a bag of cheeto's and a diet coke, and I'm not going to the gym. I also don't feel bad about it. I'll be back at the rampage tomorrow- don't fret (I knew you weren't fretting, btw).
Oh, and fyi- for those who wondered...I did NOT have sugar in my binge last night. I didn't even think about having it- seems sugar has not been on the mind lately- which is good because I need to stay away from it anyway. So yay for me!
Have a great weekend my little love bugs!!!
XOXO--
D
Just thought I should update everyone as I'm a little embarrassed of my outburst last night. Yes, I did overeat/binge. Yes, I need to learn to stop a head of time. Sometimes I can totally stop and get a grip- other times I seem to mentally "go somewhere else" whilst shoveling food. Last night was one of those times.
On a sad note- I'm back in the 140's. My week in the 130's was short lived. However, I will try to get back there again, as I like the 130's so much better than the 140's. Today I'm taking a break because it's hard work and i'm tired from constantly watching my food. My tantrum was exhausting. What does that mean? Not that I'm binging today- it means I'm not thinking about it. I had a bag of cheeto's and a diet coke, and I'm not going to the gym. I also don't feel bad about it. I'll be back at the rampage tomorrow- don't fret (I knew you weren't fretting, btw).
Oh, and fyi- for those who wondered...I did NOT have sugar in my binge last night. I didn't even think about having it- seems sugar has not been on the mind lately- which is good because I need to stay away from it anyway. So yay for me!
Have a great weekend my little love bugs!!!
XOXO--
D
Thursday, November 18, 2010
PISSED OFF.
I'm so *(&#$* mad at myself.
Well, I'm still under enormous stress. I went to ARP and it was awesome. And then, when I was leaving, someone told me to go to the service auction in another part of the church building. Every year, there is a service auction, where people offer up services and other people bid on the them, and the money goes to helping families in need with either thanksgiving or christmas- I'm not sure which- I think it's Christmas. Well, it's my old ward (single's ward), so I decided to pop in and say hi. One of the women advisor's saw me and immediately grabbed me and whipped up a plate of food- turkey, rolls, stuffing...Thanksgiving dinner basically. I had two plates. This is after I had chicken dinner at the surfer's house. Chicken, black beans, and rice.
Basically I am so full I want to puke. Binge city. My scale is up 4 pounds. I am physically ill and irate at myself.
I'm so mad. Why is food always going to be a struggle for me? When will it end? When will I get to the point where I think..I have a handle on this? Certainly not any time soon- as soon as I start to think I have a grip- I go and do something like this. One little bit of stress and I pile plateful after plateful into my friggin mouth. I literally am about to pop I am so disgustingly full. I don't even eat meat. Seriously, it's not something I blog about because it's like- I'm 90/10 vegetarian (but there's still that 10% that's not- so why even bother talking about it, plus it's a long story I don't feel like sharing), but tonight I was eating meat like it's going out of style and I think that's why I am so sick and full. I don't even know the last time I had meat. It's been awhile. I am so grossed out with myself right now.
I'm sorry if this post is negative- but it is what it is. I had to get it out somewhere- better here than elsewhere.
UGH.
D
Well, I'm still under enormous stress. I went to ARP and it was awesome. And then, when I was leaving, someone told me to go to the service auction in another part of the church building. Every year, there is a service auction, where people offer up services and other people bid on the them, and the money goes to helping families in need with either thanksgiving or christmas- I'm not sure which- I think it's Christmas. Well, it's my old ward (single's ward), so I decided to pop in and say hi. One of the women advisor's saw me and immediately grabbed me and whipped up a plate of food- turkey, rolls, stuffing...Thanksgiving dinner basically. I had two plates. This is after I had chicken dinner at the surfer's house. Chicken, black beans, and rice.
Basically I am so full I want to puke. Binge city. My scale is up 4 pounds. I am physically ill and irate at myself.
I'm so mad. Why is food always going to be a struggle for me? When will it end? When will I get to the point where I think..I have a handle on this? Certainly not any time soon- as soon as I start to think I have a grip- I go and do something like this. One little bit of stress and I pile plateful after plateful into my friggin mouth. I literally am about to pop I am so disgustingly full. I don't even eat meat. Seriously, it's not something I blog about because it's like- I'm 90/10 vegetarian (but there's still that 10% that's not- so why even bother talking about it, plus it's a long story I don't feel like sharing), but tonight I was eating meat like it's going out of style and I think that's why I am so sick and full. I don't even know the last time I had meat. It's been awhile. I am so grossed out with myself right now.
I'm sorry if this post is negative- but it is what it is. I had to get it out somewhere- better here than elsewhere.
UGH.
D
Pressure.
And now it begins...
I feel overwhelmed. I just found out today that UCLA's deadline is Dec 1st for applications. I need to get on my personal statement; it will be a miracle if I can even pump something half way decent out by then. I'm thankful writing is my better subject. I also have a lot of work to do, since it's the end of the month and Thanksgiving is next week. I did not even come CLOSE to meeting this month's goals/budget for work; and I'm stressed about that. I have a huge presentation for work tomorrow in front of 180 students. I need to prepare; it's the first time this teacher (department head) is giving me a chance to do my thing- I need to impress him. Plus I need to enter all of my leads for the entire month into the system database. Data entry- my favorite. ARP is tonight. I need to workout. My friend the surfer just had surgery last week and asked me to visit him tonight before the ARP meeting.
When am I going to get everything done?
When I start freaking out like this- I don't do anything. It's been awhile since there were this many important things on my plate all at once. I mean, I have a LOT to get done...it may not sound like it- but it is a lot. So what do I do when I'm stressed? Definitely not anything healthy. I start checking facebook. I start reading blogs. I don't work- or take care of what needs to be done. I watch movies. I start talking on the phone to my friends and family. I write blog posts (ah-hem!). I revise said blog posts. I start cleaning out my purse. I get on gchat. I get on FB chat. Anything to distract me. And I eat.
I've already had 15 out of 20 points today (WW). It's only 2:30 and that doesn't leave me with much for the rest of the day. PLUS I haven't worked out yet. I can guaran-damn-tee you I'll go over the 5 points today. Yes- I have flex points- but I try not to use them or I don't lose. Plus I'm eating carbs like a maniac. Where are my veggies? I haven't had any veggies or fruits in days. I tried today; but that orange didn't fill me up so before you know it- I had a different snack in hand/mouth. I need to go grocery shopping. I need to get PAID.
I weighed in at 137.6 on Monday. 138 yesterday. 138.6 this morning. If I don't get a grip- I'll be back in the 140's in no time. Plus the weekend is almost here. At least I haven't had sugar yet.
I have so much to do. Boys are writing me on the dating site. People are texting me about school. Maimee wants to talk about boy drama. I want to hide under my bed; can I go hide under my bed now?
XO-
D
I feel overwhelmed. I just found out today that UCLA's deadline is Dec 1st for applications. I need to get on my personal statement; it will be a miracle if I can even pump something half way decent out by then. I'm thankful writing is my better subject. I also have a lot of work to do, since it's the end of the month and Thanksgiving is next week. I did not even come CLOSE to meeting this month's goals/budget for work; and I'm stressed about that. I have a huge presentation for work tomorrow in front of 180 students. I need to prepare; it's the first time this teacher (department head) is giving me a chance to do my thing- I need to impress him. Plus I need to enter all of my leads for the entire month into the system database. Data entry- my favorite. ARP is tonight. I need to workout. My friend the surfer just had surgery last week and asked me to visit him tonight before the ARP meeting.
When am I going to get everything done?
When I start freaking out like this- I don't do anything. It's been awhile since there were this many important things on my plate all at once. I mean, I have a LOT to get done...it may not sound like it- but it is a lot. So what do I do when I'm stressed? Definitely not anything healthy. I start checking facebook. I start reading blogs. I don't work- or take care of what needs to be done. I watch movies. I start talking on the phone to my friends and family. I write blog posts (ah-hem!). I revise said blog posts. I start cleaning out my purse. I get on gchat. I get on FB chat. Anything to distract me. And I eat.
I've already had 15 out of 20 points today (WW). It's only 2:30 and that doesn't leave me with much for the rest of the day. PLUS I haven't worked out yet. I can guaran-damn-tee you I'll go over the 5 points today. Yes- I have flex points- but I try not to use them or I don't lose. Plus I'm eating carbs like a maniac. Where are my veggies? I haven't had any veggies or fruits in days. I tried today; but that orange didn't fill me up so before you know it- I had a different snack in hand/mouth. I need to go grocery shopping. I need to get PAID.
I weighed in at 137.6 on Monday. 138 yesterday. 138.6 this morning. If I don't get a grip- I'll be back in the 140's in no time. Plus the weekend is almost here. At least I haven't had sugar yet.
I have so much to do. Boys are writing me on the dating site. People are texting me about school. Maimee wants to talk about boy drama. I want to hide under my bed; can I go hide under my bed now?
XO-
D
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
What was I thinking...
Today I did the unthinkable...
I joined an online dating site. What is happening to me.
I don't know why I did it...boredom I guess? I don't know- but I'm kind of freaking out about it. I haven't done online dating in like...5 years. I know there is nothing wrong with it- my sister met her husband off an online dating sight- but I'm 99.9% sure it's not for me. I don't like emailing back and forth- I feel like you can't tell if you have chemistry with someone. You may THINK you have chemistry with someone...and then you meet them in person and the whole thing goes south in about .5 seconds. But I'm willing to risk it right now because I'm bored and I want a date. We'll see what happens...should produce a good story or two.
I'm also going to the gym tonight. I'm not excited about it- but something has to be done. I barely cracked the 140 barrier and now I have to work like a crazy to stay under that line. I'm determined to stay under that damn line. I ate wayyyyy too much today...if I don't hit the gym, I'll be back up in the morning still...and I just don't want that!!!
Okay love bugs- sorry this is short- but I have to get to the gym. Miss S sent me a little reminder asking what I was doing...and I can't not have an answer for her. Be ready Miss S! I'm going right now!!!!
XO!!
D
I joined an online dating site. What is happening to me.
I don't know why I did it...boredom I guess? I don't know- but I'm kind of freaking out about it. I haven't done online dating in like...5 years. I know there is nothing wrong with it- my sister met her husband off an online dating sight- but I'm 99.9% sure it's not for me. I don't like emailing back and forth- I feel like you can't tell if you have chemistry with someone. You may THINK you have chemistry with someone...and then you meet them in person and the whole thing goes south in about .5 seconds. But I'm willing to risk it right now because I'm bored and I want a date. We'll see what happens...should produce a good story or two.
I'm also going to the gym tonight. I'm not excited about it- but something has to be done. I barely cracked the 140 barrier and now I have to work like a crazy to stay under that line. I'm determined to stay under that damn line. I ate wayyyyy too much today...if I don't hit the gym, I'll be back up in the morning still...and I just don't want that!!!
Okay love bugs- sorry this is short- but I have to get to the gym. Miss S sent me a little reminder asking what I was doing...and I can't not have an answer for her. Be ready Miss S! I'm going right now!!!!
XO!!
D
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Me? A Grad Student? What is this world coming to?
Called a few schools today to find out about their programs....eeeek! Am I really doing this? I know it's typical- but I called BYU to find out about their MPH program (Master's of Public Health). I don't want to move back to Utah- but I would if I were accepted into that program. For one thing- going to school at BYU is really cheap- so much cheaper than other schools. Especially out here. Another good thing about it (if I were to be accepted there) is that my uncle lives in a huge house all by himself in Provo (where the school is located). I'm sure he would let me live with him for cheap...because I have absolutely no money saved and I will be the poorest grad student you've ever met. If I were to be accepted into that program- I would have to quit my job to move back to UT...which means I would have no job once I got there. Like I said...poooooooor. Of course I would try to find a new job- but I will probably be uber poor for the next couple of years if I do it.
I also called UCLA. EXPENSIVE. But here in SoCal- and in the top 15 programs in the country (#11). I could keep my job and either commute or move to LA. At least I'd be living here in SoCal where I love my life and I'd be going to a great school- with one of the best programs. But super expensive; and probably hard. And probably hard to get in to as well...
Then there is USC. I didn't call them...but they are here in SoCal too and close. Not cheap either. But again- prestigious name and great program I'm sure. Was there ever a bad USC grad program? I doubt it.
No matter where I decide to go to school- I will be poor. Super poor. It's okay- I'm super excited anyway and willing to sacrifice for the long term goal. Have I ever mentioned my happiness doesn't come from material things anyway?
In other news- I weighed in under 140 this morning. :) More eeeeks! I'm waiting to give numbers once it's been confirmed. I need to weigh in under 140 a few times before I believe that it's real. But I am so excited about it, at least I have done it once now. Yay me!
And even more exciting...I just got a text from a colleague of mine that said, "Ok, am I out of line by saying I want to be intimate with u?"
Sigh.
I really know how to find them- don't I. I went to lunch ONCE with this guy. He keeps late night calling and texting. I never answer or return any of his calls- even when he actually calls sober during the day. He left a message once saying, "wow..you are the busiest girl alive". Apparently me being super busy wasn't enough of a hint- so I let him know today that yes- that was out of line. And no- we will not be intimate under any circumstances ever, but thank you for letting me know. He wrote back to tell me he felt like he should just put it out there. ????? Um...okay.
That is all I have for today my lovelies! How are you?? Give me scoop!!!
XO my loves!!!
D
I also called UCLA. EXPENSIVE. But here in SoCal- and in the top 15 programs in the country (#11). I could keep my job and either commute or move to LA. At least I'd be living here in SoCal where I love my life and I'd be going to a great school- with one of the best programs. But super expensive; and probably hard. And probably hard to get in to as well...
Then there is USC. I didn't call them...but they are here in SoCal too and close. Not cheap either. But again- prestigious name and great program I'm sure. Was there ever a bad USC grad program? I doubt it.
No matter where I decide to go to school- I will be poor. Super poor. It's okay- I'm super excited anyway and willing to sacrifice for the long term goal. Have I ever mentioned my happiness doesn't come from material things anyway?
In other news- I weighed in under 140 this morning. :) More eeeeks! I'm waiting to give numbers once it's been confirmed. I need to weigh in under 140 a few times before I believe that it's real. But I am so excited about it, at least I have done it once now. Yay me!
And even more exciting...I just got a text from a colleague of mine that said, "Ok, am I out of line by saying I want to be intimate with u?"
Sigh.
I really know how to find them- don't I. I went to lunch ONCE with this guy. He keeps late night calling and texting. I never answer or return any of his calls- even when he actually calls sober during the day. He left a message once saying, "wow..you are the busiest girl alive". Apparently me being super busy wasn't enough of a hint- so I let him know today that yes- that was out of line. And no- we will not be intimate under any circumstances ever, but thank you for letting me know. He wrote back to tell me he felt like he should just put it out there. ????? Um...okay.
That is all I have for today my lovelies! How are you?? Give me scoop!!!
XO my loves!!!
D
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