Tuesday, October 4, 2011

What's the problem

My friend came up to see me tonight in LA...he lives in Orange County.

It's been awhile since we hung out, so while we sat there and began catching up, we started talking about our lives.  He is single; I am single.  We've been friends for years- about 7 now.  The more we talked, the more I became convinced that there may not be a guy out there for me.  Sure, it sounds ridiculous when I just say it- but I'm serious!  I am LDS.  However, most LDS guys make me feel weird.  Of course I would like to meet and/or marry a guy who is mormon and understands my background.  However, most of the time- this seems to be the only common thread; I can't seem to be myself around mormon guys, no matter how hard I try.  I don't know if it's the religious aspect or what- but I am always trying to be "better" than I am.  I try to be more reserved; I try to be more conservative.  I end up trying to be someone I'm not- and I feel like it comes out of me regardless.  It comes out as phony.  I am not comfortable on most of my dates with LDS guys.  Or if I am, they never ask me out again.

Then there is the rest of the world.  Men.  Everywhere.  Normal men.  Good men.  But there is almost always something that holds me back.  Inevitably I feel guilty and end up walking away.  No matter how great the guy is- I am freaked out that they are not mormon and I get scared off.  I may genuinely like a guy for awhile, but I cannot really move forward and open up and really be myself because I am scared.  I'm scared to let go, but I'm scared to hold on.

I've been thinking about this for some time now...but I've been afraid to admit it.  The reason I'm single could be me.  How do I move away from this?



  1. Well you have to find out what is making it hard to continue to connect. THats the hardest part! Dizz you are an amazing girl! but sometimes for what ever reason (at least with me) I make myself un connecting. I don't mean to but I do. sigh. It hard to work past. please send me an email. lilmagikkisses@msn.com

  2. I wish I had the answer, Diz, but I don't. I just believe in you and have hope that one day, some of the mystery of life as it now is, will unravel before you. You are very willing to adapt and meet the next new challenge. You're not afraid to learn. Whatever you see for yourself in the future, these qualities don't need to change!


    PS:thanks for your constant support. And, yes: let's stay away from those things that make us unhappy. Not the hard things that try us and make us stronger, but those destructive things we love so much! You gave me a theme for the rest of the year, Lord willing.

  3. Would you consider being with someone outside of LDS? Or consider worshiping as another religion? I am not saying your faith is your problem at all, just curious how you feel about it.

    Good to see you are happy with moving & work girlie-I think the right man will find you when you least expect it.