I finally got desperate enough to go get a serving job in a local restaurant this week. Part of me is so excited to make quick, easy cash; even though I've been able to make enough money to get by the last four months, I'm still so far behind it will take months...possibly even years to catch back up to where I was. Part of me feels like a failure- I went from being a working professional with a college degree to waiting tables again- like I did in high school. The other part of me doesn't care- it's a cool upscale restaurant/bar and I know the money will be fast and good. I hope my back doesn't kill me. Part of me is excited to do a job with about 0 responsibility; all I have to do is bring people drinks and food; part of me is already looking for another "real" job because I loathe working nights and weekends.
I'm old to be waiting tables. 33 years old. Too old- half the girls that work there look like they're 12 and I wonder if they're even old enough to work in a bar atmosphere. I think I got lucky and got hired because I look younger than my age; originally I thought there was no way I'd get hired when I saw how young the other girls are. It's making me wonder what's happening in my life. It's so turned upside down and so insanely different than it was 4 months ago; I'm having a hard time even grasping what's happening. The only thing keeping me sane is...believe it or not...the ocean. I don't go in the ocean- but I love knowing that the waves are happening all day every day and nothing can stop the waves from continually licking the beach clean of all of it's imperfections.
I fell in the sand the other night. I was running on the beach after midnight with no shoes on (no I wasn't naked this time, but still with the same guy) and I tripped and did a face plant in the sand and got a slap of sand right in my right eye and mouth. I'm so thankful that my eye is not infected or swollen- it took two days to get all the sand out and I have no insurance. WHAT IS HAPPENING TO MY LIFE.
I'm just trying to be grateful for everything I've been given. For this new job that may save me. For my friends and family who love and support me. For the opportunity I have to live so close to the beach and live in such a beautiful place. I could go on but you probably won't keep reading.
So on that note- there's the latest update. Love you all- hope you're doing better than I am.