Of course.

My life is flying by...I realized while falling asleep the other night that I've been so busy that I haven't even thought once about my blog- and I do apologize to those 3 or 5 friends that actually still read.  Thank you for your love and support.

Basically long story short- my friend convinced me to join a dating website, I did, and then I was busy going on a date literally every night (literally)...then I met a guy and we've been neck deep in turbo love for almost 3 weeks now.  It has been a whirlwind and so fun and between working two jobs, seeing this guy, and trying to maintain a social life- I just have forgotten about my blog.

Until I got fat again.

For the same reasons I've been neglecting my blog, I've also neglected eating healthily or working out.  It just doesn't seem to be a priority to me lately.  2 days ago (okay it's Monday so last Friday) I tried on a shirt for work...and the stupid thing didn't fit.  Excuse me? I don't remember the last time I had to take something off and find something else because I couldn't even get the stupid thing to button properly.  I mean, I have moments where things get tight and I'm uncomfortable trying to wear it so I don't.  But can't even button it?  Awesome.  I've noticed my face getting fuller but I've also just convinced myself that it's because I'm paranoid because I want to be cute for the new boy.  To make it even better, I have no idea how much I've gained because my scale's battery died and I don't have the $$ to replace them yet (it's those weird, exclusive expensive batteries and I don't even know where to find them).  All I know is I'm getting chubby mc-chub chub and my clothes are shrinking like crazy and now on top of it all- I got a boy trying to touch my muffin top every other second and it makes me hyperventilate.

So tonight I went running, did 300 jump ropes (I couldn't even do 500...where I have always started in the past), and then went to yoga.  My whole body was jiggling/bouncing during my jump ropes...it was one of the most unpleasant experiences I've had in a few months. Honestly. Yes, I'm probably over killing it.  I'm trying so hard because I need results.  And I'm nervous because of course I'm not mentioning any of this to the boy- but how am I going to avoid all of the calorie bombs that come with dating?  He doesn't know it yet, but I committed to myself that I will NOT blow off another workout this week.  I will work out every day.  Period. Which means he may have to wait to see me; I'm sure it will do us some good.

So yeah, that's the latest.  Workout on.  Eating healthy: on.  Sleeping instead of staying up all night making out: eh....can't commit to that one yet. :)

xo-

D

Eating doesn't help.

So regardless of if I burn calories or not, I seem to be more concerned about consuming them.  Today I had lunch with a doctor.  We ended up at "The Counter" which is a burger joint where you create your own burger.  Let's just look at the damage- shall we?  After all is said and done- I've consumed about 2300 calories today.  AWESOME.

So I tried to go to yoga first and then figured I would go on a long run to help with the horrific surplus of calories.  When I got to the yoga studio, I had no time to spare (of course, thank you traffic).  The lot attendant and I got into an argument because he said that everyone can park there except anyone going to yoga, but if I wanted to risk getting my car towed, I was allowed.  Of course, I don't want to get my car towed, and since a lot of people have chips on their shoulders here, I did not trust that he wouldn't call on my car specifically to prove his point.  The whole thing was ridiculous and of course, I missed my class.  So then I decided to go to the gym since it was after dark and I am not familiar enough with the area to feel safe running alone after dark.  So my gym that I pay for every month (that I thought I was a member of), explained to me tonight in front of hoards of people that were entering the gym as well, that apparently now they have these "ultra" gyms that I have to pay more to be apart of.  If I want to go to a regular gym that's not ultra, I have to go somewhere else.  He then told me where one of the ghetto gyms that I belong to was located.  Now, I hardly ever go to the gym anymore.  I spend the majority of my time running and doing yoga.  But I was determined so I drove over to where he told me to go.  I drove around for another hour, checking all of the surrounding streets and trying to find my gym.  Apparently- even though the name of my gym is 24 hour fitness- it is not a 24 hour gym.  This one closes at 5 on the weekends.  I don't even get out of work until after 5, thanks gym, for being accommodating.  I'm glad I pay for a 24 gym that isn't 24 hours.  I'm glad they now have super gyms and the money I pay goes towards the ghetto only ones.  I will NOT be upgrading.

So what did I do?  Come home and make nacho's.  Screw it. I basically threw the whole week because I've been consuming too many calories every day and now I blasted myself out of the water.  AWESOME D, Awesome.

Hope everyone else is less sabotaging than I am.

I have a dinner on Tuesday.  A lobster dinner with my boss and a doctor and a caseworker.  I don't know how I'm going to do this.

xo-

D

Do I cut more calories? Help!

So I've been using the Livestrong calorie counter app for iPhones, and I need advice.  The app adds back in the calories you burn for work outs...so for example, if my calorie limit for the day is 1000, and I burn 285 calories jogging, the app says that I need to eat 1285 calories to reach my limit.

Well, the last few days, I have burned around 600 calories working out.  When I'm trying to lose weight my caloric intake is usually around 1200-1250 (when working out, when not- it's more like 1000).  For the last two days, I've eaten around 1450 calories because the app keeps adding back in my calories I burned during workouts.  Should I cut back to 1200-1250 or should I follow the app and stay eating around 1450?  I don't feel like I"m really losing anything...however, it's also a little too early to tell.  I just don't want to waste 2 weeks and then get frustrated and give up.  Meanwhile the bestie is burning like no one's business, after one week I can already tell she's losing!  Even 5 pounds a month would make me completely happy, but I definitely want to lose the 5 every month.  If I get to the end of the month and it hasn't come off, I'll be upset.  My goal is to just be down for the holidays, especially when I go home in December. :)

Tips????

XO-

D

Just another day

So my best friend came up from Orange County to play with me on Saturday night and I can already tell she's been working out.  It motivated me to dedicate myself even more and I'm proud to say that yesterday I went to yoga, and today I did yoga AND went running this morning before work.  I am on a roll!!  It feels good.  It feels really good and I'm excited to start seeing results myself soon.  It's not as easy for me as it is for her...for some reason (funny huh).

I'm slowly meeting new people/friends.  I met a girl that I've been going to yoga with everyday and already we're getting to be quite good buddies.  I'm going with her on Sunday to look at apartments.  I also went to a dinner on Sunday night at my friends house and there were about 10 people there; for some reason beyond my own comprehension I was witty and had the group laughing which gave me increased confidence and I ended up being quite social instead of having the normal social anxiety.  Dizzy is WINNING!!!

The job is fun and I love it so far- the hardest part right now is trying to develop relationships with the case managers.  They are distant and not friendly.  But I hope that with continued efforts, I can at least develop a decent working relationship with them.  We'll see.

XO my loves!

D

Saturday...the day before Sunday

The workouts have been hard as I get up before work to go running, but I'm already feeling better.  Funny how just a little bit of movement can change your perspective and your "feel good" feelings...

My life is pretty mellow tonight.  I worked in Seal Beach today (I still do massage on Saturdays for extra $$) and now I'm just relaxing on the couch after a long nap this afternoon.  Money is still tight and will be until after Christmas.  I'm so thankful for the massage job to help keep me afloat as I get my bills in order and pay off some of the debts I accrued while working (and not getting paid) at the Aesthetics company.  I hope that doesn't sound bitter- I'm grateful for that experience and even more grateful it's over now.

I had to go have a physical this week for a requirement for my job.  I was super nervous to meet with the doctor because I don't even know the last time I had a physical and I didn't know what it would entail.  It was mainly them just checking my vitals- but I haven't weighed myself in a few weeks (trying to avoid the scale and go off clothing tightness, etc) and I almost asked the nurse to weigh me backwards so I wouldn't see.  Of course, my curiosity got the better of me and I changed my mind last second.  138!! Yes- in the middle of the day too.  I'd also like to report that my blood pressure was 119/79.  That's a big deal for me because my whole family suffers from high blood pressure and when I gain even a little weight, it shoots up hardcore.  So yay for me for being healthy and working out this week!!!

Okay my loves- I'm out.  Time to get ready for the weekend.  Tomorrow is my first day off in weeks!!! I LOVE IT!!!

xoxo-

D

I'm a fast food pawn.

I'm trying so hard to get myself under control.  Btw, my post has nothing to do with the title- I just couldn't think of anything clever to name this post.

I got up and went running this morning.  I know if I can just make myself work out for a week, it will get easier and I'll be able to get back into routine.  I tried to go to yoga tonight- but the traffic/parking is so horrific up here- that I missed the class AGAIN (2nd time in a week) because I couldn't find a parking spot ANYWHERE in the neighborhood OR parking garage.  Frickin LA.  The traffic and the rudeness of people is starting to get on my nerves.  I find myself screaming the "F" word more and more frequently whilst driving.  I'm wondering as I type this when the last time I didn't scream it out as I was in the car lately...has there even been a time since I moved here?  I don't think so.

So yeah.  I might have to switch some things up so I can actually make my yoga class.  I've considered riding my bike to the studio since it's not far away at all.  However, traffic is so bad that it makes me nervous to try and ride around on a bike where there are not designated bike lanes.  The roads can be narrow!  I could go earlier and earlier- but if people don't leave...there's really nothing I can do.  I live less than a mile and a half from the studio and I left 30 minutes early today and still missed the class.  SOMETHING HAS GOT TO GIVE.

Sorry that this post is all rambling.  As I've been thinking more and more about my diet and my workouts, etc, I realize that I have REALLY let things go.  I don't even remember all the things I know.  I mean, I remember some things, but someone had to give me tips today on how to be healthy.  I used to be SO healthy! ;)  I forget sometimes that it's an uphill battle.  And I will probably never reach the top (which is okay as long as I keep moving upwards).  We'll see.  It doesn't help that at my new job- everyday there are tons of treats and the whole staff is eating constantly.  Today was one girl's birthday so we had cake.  One bite with frosting (remember I'm addicted to sugar right now) and I had a stomach ache cause the frosting was so rich.  So what do I do?  Wipe off the frosting and keep eating cake.  Then, after I've justified that piece, someone hands me a fried banana.  Are you kidding?  Of course I had to eat it- can't be rude to my new colleagues.  So yeah...eating is NOT going as planned.

Other than my eating and lack of working out...nothing is new.  I'm still bored after I get off work.  I stay at work late because there's not much to do at home.  I still don't have furniture, so I just sit on a blow up mattress and type on my computer and hope the car alarm going off outside is not my car.  Even though the blow up mattress hurts my back, I love my little apartment and my life.  

  

Thursday Musings..

I love love love my new life in LA.

However, I'm quasi bored.  I haven't really created a social life yet.  A normal girl would take this opportunity to work out and get skinny...but no, no.  At this point, I'm just trying to acclimate to my new life.  I have gone to yoga twice this week...so far that's about all I've done.  I'm hoping to add more days of yoga and a few days of running next week; that's the goal anyway.  I've also allowed myself to eat whatever I want...which has been good and bad.  I went shopping earlier this week and so I've been eating at home...and I'm eating pretty decently.  However, I've become addicted to sugar again.  I know because the cravings are horrible right now; every time I eat...I crave something sweet.  In the mornings I look for something sweet.  But I haven't been drinking anything but water and I've been eating lots of fruits and veggies.  Overall I've gained about 8 pounds since this summer.  It's not too horrific, but I don't want to gain any more, and I'd love more than anything to lose those 8 pounds again.  I know it will happen, it's just kind of frustrating to see these numbers again.  However, I do feel like I'm getting healthier...I was so stressed out for so long.  I don't think I realized how stressed out I was until I got out of my situation.  I'm just grateful to be able to start sleeping and feeling normal again...

It's funny because I've noticed this week that some of my perceptions and some of my thoughts are changing as I work my new job.  For one, I'm starting to realize how important physical activity really is.  Just watching patients come in to our facility in a wheelchair, go through rehab, and then be able to walk out of our facility is amazing and a more powerful testament to me than anything else has been in awhile.  I have been more considerate of my body and my health needs this week than I have been in months.  I'm starting to consider my future- which I normally don't do.  It's interesting.  

Okay- more about that later- I don't want this post to get too long and drawn out.  XO!

D

What's the problem

My friend came up to see me tonight in LA...he lives in Orange County.

It's been awhile since we hung out, so while we sat there and began catching up, we started talking about our lives.  He is single; I am single.  We've been friends for years- about 7 now.  The more we talked, the more I became convinced that there may not be a guy out there for me.  Sure, it sounds ridiculous when I just say it- but I'm serious!  I am LDS.  However, most LDS guys make me feel weird.  Of course I would like to meet and/or marry a guy who is mormon and understands my background.  However, most of the time- this seems to be the only common thread; I can't seem to be myself around mormon guys, no matter how hard I try.  I don't know if it's the religious aspect or what- but I am always trying to be "better" than I am.  I try to be more reserved; I try to be more conservative.  I end up trying to be someone I'm not- and I feel like it comes out of me regardless.  It comes out as phony.  I am not comfortable on most of my dates with LDS guys.  Or if I am, they never ask me out again.

Then there is the rest of the world.  Men.  Everywhere.  Normal men.  Good men.  But there is almost always something that holds me back.  Inevitably I feel guilty and end up walking away.  No matter how great the guy is- I am freaked out that they are not mormon and I get scared off.  I may genuinely like a guy for awhile, but I cannot really move forward and open up and really be myself because I am scared.  I'm scared to let go, but I'm scared to hold on.

I've been thinking about this for some time now...but I've been afraid to admit it.  The reason I'm single could be me.  How do I move away from this?

D

New Job: Day 1.

I am in love with my new life so far.

Today was my first day of work.  I think I'm going to really enjoy working at this new job.  I am working in a healthcare facility; it's a skilled nursing facility for short term and long term rehab for older patients that have just gone through some type of orthopedic surgery (usually).  Basically my job is to meet with doctors and case workers to persuade them to send their patients to our facility.  I met the majority of our current patients today and there are so many wonderful and exciting personalities that are staying in the facility and I can't wait to get to know them better.  I also can't wait to meet the new people that will be coming into the facility in the next couple months.  I am so excited and hopeful that I can really make things happen and do a great job!  My next step is to learn medical terminology though. :)  All the people I work with are medical professionals and they know their stuff and what they're talking about.  It's so different from working with sales guys that will just say whatever and make up whatever they need to in order to make a sale.  I actually felt intimidated a few different times today listening to people in the office talk to one another and to patient's families.  My team REALLY knows their stuff.  I love love love it; and I need to learn these things too so I don't have to keep faking it (I'm not faking it now but I don't want to have to ever fake it).

I went to yoga after work too.  I cussed my way through yoga is more like it.  I haven't been to yoga in over 3 weeks.  During the session, the instructor kept talking about 'breathing it out' and 'letting it go'...and I tried my best to let the stress of the last few weeks go.  I really really want to move on and not hold any anger or frustration in my heart from the past.  I know there are some of you that will say it's healthy to feel those things- and I agree.  But it's not healthy to harbor those feelings either.  I have felt them- now it's time to move forward and let them go.  Those feelings have also affected me physically.  Why is it that when I get stressed,  I tend to NOT work out instead of work out extra hard?  Working out is so good for you and helps your body to relieve stress...so why do I stop when I need it most?  Needless to say- I have some pain and soreness to get rid of. :)

Afterwards I went grocery shopping and came home and made pancakes in my little apartment.  Now I'm watching a TV show I pre-recorded (because I want to).  Have I mentioned that I love my little life in LA?

XO-

D

new Life

So many things have happened since my last post.  I mean- SO MANY THINGS.

I'm not saying this to brag.  I'm trying to tell you why I've been MIA.  My life has been crazy.  I got the job. :)  As I was hanging up the phone with my new boss, my roommate informed me that she wanted to move out of our apartment.  Congratulations that you got the new job- let's move out.  So our 30 days got turned in.  Then the roommate decided that 30 days was too long and asked the landlord if we found new girls to move in...could we still get our full deposit back.  She said we could.  So the hunt was on.  I was literally coming to Los Angeles every day to try to find a new place to live (we had less than 2 weeks to move out), and she was securing the deal with new girls.  Two days before our time was up- I found a place.  Then I had to find people to help me move.  Then I had to move.  Then I had to work for 4 more days in a city over an hour away.  Monday I start my new job.  It's all happening so fast I can barely keep up.

:)

But I'm happy.  I found my own apartment.  It's too expensive- but I love it.  I am working a second job so I can afford it.  I have had about 4 friends stop by in 3 days to check it out- and we have to sit on the floor because I dont' have a couch- and I go to bed smiling every night.  I don't have a roommate anymore.  I have a new job.  I have new goals...a new life.  I've had tender mercy after tender mercy after tender mercy and I am so happy and grateful for the blessings in my life.  I feel loved.  I feel blessed.  I am hopeful that I can make my life what I want it to be.

I have been thinking about my life a lot in the last few days as I've been moving and unpacking and changing.  There are some things I've realized...and I have realized that I am in control of my life and my destiny.  Yes, it's hard.  To get what you want.  But it's worth it- and it's worth trying for.  And I will.

I might be the happiest I've been in months...possibly even years.  Everything is perfect right now.  I hope I'm not over cheesy right now- but I can't help it.  I'm finally getting the things I want...

I'm not trying to be vague but I am running out the door- it's Saturday night and I've got a life to live. ;)

xo-

D

The Interview

Don't worry- I still have not worked out.

I sit here on the couch...yet again.  With plenty of time to go work out.  Beautiful weather right outside my door- it's around 70 degrees.  New apps on my phone that motivated me last week.  No no, instead I sit here and type to you while Basketball Wives rattles on in the background.

I just weighed in.  Up 6 pounds...still.  Surprise surprise.  I'm going to let you in on a little secret: eating nonstop...and NOT working out...will do this to you.

I think about working out more than I actually do it.

I had my second interview today.  I think it went really well; I've learned to quit trying to figure these things out though.  I went to lunch with my future boss before we met with the VP and I really really enjoy this guy.  Not in a romantic way (yes he's single and only a year younger than me)- I just think he is a very kind and good individual and I think it will be great working with him.  I'm excited.

The VP asked if I am a passionate person.  I wanted to laugh.  Is there anyone out there who doesn't think they're a passionate person?  He wanted examples.  I started floundering.  How do you give an example of how passionate you are.  You want to know about the time I got into physical blows with another girl over a guy or something?  (that never happened, btw)  So I told a story about my dad and the way I was raised, and I think I hit a home run...he was quiet and later said- 'that story about your family really struck a chord with me'.  I BETTER GET THAT JOB! ;)

I am excited about my life again- for the first time in a little while.  The last job took it out of me.  But it's slowly starting to creep back into me. :)  Makes me happy to know my heart rebounds!!

xo-

D

Calories I will kill you.

Since we're all on the verge of moving soon- my roommates and I have decided to take a hiatus from dieting and feeling guilty about it.  We're all grotesque at the moment and can't seem to kick it into gear to lose it.  However, as I can barely shove/squeeze my fat ass into my STRETCHY work pants, I've decided to just go rogue and be really quiet about it.  I'm still using my calorie app, and I decided on the days that I work (which is 5), I will work out too.  Yoga and running, as usual (hey! It burns calories quick).

So today- I was secretly counting calories using my app.  I've started eating a lot more protein than in the past because I need it for massage.  I've found that if I don't eat enough, I have a really hard time making it through all 6 massage appointments.  I begin to get weak and my muscles start to ache, even to the point of being sore. However, if I eat protein in the morning- something substantial too, not like...AN egg, then I am usually fine to get through my shifts.  So this morning I had an egg white melt thing from Subway.  The only thing bad on it was the extra cheese- but I love cheese so whatever.  Then for lunch after work, I ran over to Whole Foods and had chicken salad from the deli.  Now, I love protein lately.  But a lot of protein seems to be very caloric-ly rich, if you get my drift.  What I'm trying to say is that I was already on the high end of my calories for the day by the time lunch was done.  I come home- all intent on working out.  And then I call my mother from some motherly advice about some work issues.

What do I proceed to do while chatting with her endlessly for 30 minutes?  Oh...pop open a box of Coco Crispies and eat the cereal dry- right out of the box.  I was craving sugar.  Did I eat half a cup (serving) while I chatted?  No.  I probably had at least 3 cups...honestly, if not more.  I don't want to put it in my calorie app and find out what I've done.  If I work out today (which I now have to in order to have enough calories for dinner...), I will be hungry for dinner.  Which I would've been anyway, but now it's guaranteed.  What does this mean?  I went over my calories for the day...AGAIN.

So now I'm waiting to go to yoga.  I'm supposed to be leaving in 5 minutes.  I will have to sweat in yoga with a sugar heavy, full stomach.  I just decided while writing this that I may skip yoga today and just run instead.  My stomach hurts.

Damn calories.

D

Boring update

Well, I haven't been doing well with my diet at all.  It seems as though I like to sabotage myself.  As soon as I make a commitment to do better, I seem to do it for a day and then the next 3 days are a disaster.  As a result of this horrid behavior, I've gained another 4 pounds.  Awesome.

Other than that, not much is new.  I have my second interview on Wednesday at the health center in LA.  I'm just biding my time til then.  At first I didn't really want the job because I didn't want to move to LA, but the more I've thought about it- the more I feel like this could be a new opportunity to go in a different direction than I'm going right now (Do I even have direction right now?).  I'm bummed to leave my friends and my life here in Orange County, but I'm excited about what could be next.

I feel like my blog is boring lately.  I want to change it up.  Suggestions as to what I should write/talk about?

xo

D

Survival

I'm pretty bummed out today.

Yesterday was a hard day- though it started out pretty decent enough.  I went to my interview in LA and it went awesome.  They called me back for a second interview next week.  I'm excited but also kinda bummed- I don't want to move up there but I'll have to if I get this job.  The commute took over an hour during the middle of the day- I can't imagine what it's going to be like during morning rush hour traffic.  But it's also a relief to know I could potentially have a job again.  The pay is about a $15,000 pay cut- so that sucks.  It's still more than what I'm making doing massage right now.  If I can find a decent place to live and budget like hell, I will probably be able to survive.  I've already started scouring the wanted ads for massage jobs up there so I can maybe make a little extra to help me stay on my feet.

On the way back home I stopped in to see a friend that lives half way between here and LA.  Of course, as usual when I see this friend, she started telling me what's going on in her life.  Because we have mutual friends, she also was inadvertently telling me things that are going on in other people's lives too.  I don't know what I've done to the cosmo's...but I have about 3 or 4 people that are pissed off at me right now.  For different reasons...but it still sucks.  I've tried contacting two of them already to make amends.  So far, one of those two is willing to talk to me.  I didn't even know she was upset.  The other one finally texted me back after I attempted to reach out to him- he told me to leave him alone.  I have to honor what he asks of me, so I will, but I'm sad to see the friendship go.  Yet one of the others is a toxic person and I do not care to make amends with him.  He's apparently talking smack about me- she was telling me some of the things he was claiming.  I'm angry about it but trying to just let it go.  I don't want to confront him, I don't want to deal with him- everyone knows he's crazy so I'm just trying so so so hard to let it go and not be angry.  This is life.  Sometimes it sucks to deal with the consequences of your actions.  Sometimes it's hard to accept the consequences of your actions...I never should've been friends with this person in the first place.

All day I've been thinking while I've been doing my massages- why does life have to be so up hill sometimes?  I feel like I will never get the things I want.  I am battling just to survive right now.  All of my life I was told as a kid- if you really want something- go after it and it's yours.  It's depressing to know as an adult that this just isn't true.  I have chased and chased and chased dreams- to no avail.  Some dreams just aren't meant to come true for you.  It doesn't mean you're a bad person or that you suck.  I know some of you will probably try to tell me that it just means God has something else in store for me.  He probably does, but it still sucks to know that the things I wanted are not part of the equation.  Sure, there might be even better things in store than what I wanted- but I don't have hope for that right now.

I'm trying not to have a pity party but as you can see- I'm not doing a great job.  I'm also sucking at my diet lately.  Today was weigh in- 140.6.  Last week was 140.0.  AWESOME.

D

Activity

Still on my little rampage...while I haven't made it to yoga everyday (they closed early on the Labor Day Weekend and I didn't know and missed a few days), I have managed to stay off caffeine.  It's been huge for me!

So I don't necessarily love my calorie counter app.  I was trying to follow it's guidelines for a few days (claimed I needed 1182 calories a day + whatever I burned off during exercise) and I ended up gaining 2 pounds.  I think I'm eating more calories then I need...actually I know I am because I would not normally eat all those calories on my own; normally I would eat about 1250 a day with exercise, a little less without.  So 1182 calories plus 704 (if I ran and did yoga for example) is too much.  So yesterday I got pissed about it and just ate what I would've eaten if I didn't have a calorie counter and this morning the scale is back down.  Anyway, I'm warning you now because tomorrow I will post my weight and you'll see that I didn't lose any weight this week.  It's okay- it was a learning experience and I still worked out quite a bit this week and so I still feel good.

I'm an active girl.  I do massage for 6 hours a day.  I run.  I do yoga.  I try to run and do yoga everyday- doesn't happen everyday, but that's okay.  I'll get there.  I like being active.  I realized yesterday during one of my massages that massaging for 6 hours a day is getting easier, the better shape my body is getting in to.  I can last longer; I'm not as worn out.  It feels good.  As soon as I'm able to get a second job- I want to start getting massages on a weekly basis too. I can't afford them now, but I know they will help my body tremendously.  The fun ways you can spoil yourself when you have extra money... :)

Other than that ladies- I've got NOTHING.  Been trying to catch up on Sons of Anarchy from last season because the new season started last night.  Have an interview for a job in LA today- keeping my fingers crossed because it's a new job and a new start if I get it.  I'd have to move to LA- but that might not be the worst thing that could happen to me.  I've already had a phone interview- now on to step 2.  It's a marketing director position- could be good for me.  It's a 'real' job with benefits and vacation- which is about the only thing I care about at this point.  If I don't get it- I won't be upset.  I like where I live and I actually don't mind the massage job.  It's low stress and easy $$...but we'll see!

Keeping my fingers crossed!

XO-

D

Sunday Funday

So proud of myself today- went for a 5.6 mile run after work even though I did not want to (as usual).  I downloaded a new calorie counting app and I'm obsessed with counting calories and working out now.  It's fun!  I got the Livestrong one- so far it seems to be decent.  My roommate downloaded one that you can scan the bar code in to, and it will automatically upload all of the info, so I kind of wish I had one similar to that- but overall I can't complain.

Still have not talked to any boys.  I went over to my friend C's house tonight and watched a tv show she has on dvd for 4 hours.  I guess I could be out trying to meet new guys- but I'm kind of over the whole thing right now.  In time, I'm sure I'll be back out soon enough. ;P

I hope you all are having a safe and fun weekend!!

xo-

D

Don't want to.

Why am I avoiding my run and yoga?

Maybe because IT'S FRIDAY NIGHT.  I want to do other things.  Like be a normal part of society and go out and mingle with people of the opposite sex.

Instead I have a headache, work in the morning, and yoga and a run to do.  Urggg.  I hope the headache is caffeine-withdrawal related.  Then at least I can feel better about the torture I am enduring.

Okay well- I'm off to run.  My body is super sore.  Have I mentioned that I also do 5-6 hours of massage a day, run, am trying to do yoga every day and I'm also trying to get another job that is purely physical (waiting tables possibly) too?  I MIGHT be killing myself.  It would be cool if I could at least drop a pound or two.  Just might be.

I just went to have a huge ice cream with my friend C.  I wish I could've enjoyed it- You would've thought i enjoyed it the way I inhaled it- but alas, all I can think about is the calorie content of it.  Why must I eat things anyway, when I know they aren't helping my progress?

Sigh-

D

Yoga Challenge

Well, I may or may not be obsessed with trying to do yoga for 30 days now.

Today is supposed to be day one; I figured since it's the first of the month- it will be easy to track the 30 days.  But it's actually day 2 of me going to yoga (in a row, I normally skip days because I'm always sore)...and let me tell you something- I. Am. Sore.  I don't know if I can handle 30 days.  I also ran 3 miles with the roomie tonight.

So I also want to lose a few pounds, which is nothing new.  My weight today (since it's the first and the beginning of a new month)...is 140.0.  I'm logging it here, and I might put it up on my sidebar too- so that we can see if I can actually lose something this month.  I have an article in Shape magazine that claims if you do this- you can drop 10 pounds in 30 days...but I know me.  And I know 5 pounds will be a big feat, if anything. So 5 pounds is the goal.

I still have not talked to any boys today.  It's really hard- I know everyone thinks Penis man is a douche- but he was distracting me from the massage therapist and now I have no distraction.  And I'm kind of lonely.  My roommates and friends all pat me on the back and say "great job!" for kicking guys to the curb- but then they all leave to go be with their boyfriends and I am all alone.  I know it's the right thing in the long run, but it is really hard to be alone right now. :(

Anyway- so the final thing I'm going to try to do this month is avoid caffeine too.  We'll see how long I make it. :)

xo!  Happy Weekend friends!!!

D

Quick Update

I decided today while at yoga that I think I'm going to make myself do a 30 day yoga challenge.  I've never done one- so why not?

I want to also run a few days a week while this challenge goes on.  I don't know what happened to my body lately, but I am so flabby and it's making me insane.  So I'm hoping that yoga, yoga sculpt (yoga with weights) and running can trim me down.  Plus I might give up a few things while on this rampage.  I have to be careful though- not to over do this little challenge of mine.

I saw in Shape magazine the other day that this month there is a "drop 10 pounds in 30 days" article/challenge thing.  I want to do it.  I can't imagine losing 10 in 30.  That's insane- yet motivating.  Dare I try it?

Other than that- everything is quiet.  Have not talked to any men.  I went in to work today and picked up a few extra massages for extra money.  I also spent half the day applying for jobs.  And then I went to yoga.

I feel at peace today with my life.

xo-

D

Professional Weeder

Today, while doing massages at work, I was thinking about everything that has transpired in the last week or so and I'm bummed.  It seems, as I put it out there- that everyone pretty much agrees- men just want to get laid.  Fine.  But being single and trying to weed through all of the scum bags of Southern California can be depressing at times; and I'm a little bummed that I haven't found anyone decent to date or hang out with in the last 4 months.  We don't even have to date- I just need a good guy friend to do things with cause I am around so much estrogen I'm suffocating lately.

I don't even know why I'm feeling pressure to find a guy to date lately anyway.  Maybe because both my roommates have someone and I am spending more and more time alone.  I have gotten increasingly lonely these last few months.  I decided this morning though, that from now on if a guy at a bar asks for my number, I'm not giving it to them- no matter how cute he is.  Every guy I have met at a bar so far in the last few months has been an aggressive ass.  The problem is I don't know where else to look to meet someone.  I hate online dating and can't bring myself to do it; that seems to wield the same types of results as the bar for me anyway...guys just looking to get laid.  I know you have to weed heavily online too- I'm over weeding all the time.  It's all I do- weed, weed, weed.  It's tiring and so old to me.  All these guys do the same things over and over- no one is original anymore.  My friends keep encouraging me to hold on- they have met good guys in the bar and also remind me that "hey, we're in the bar and we're good girls so..." but I can't seem to attract a normal guy in the bar.  Bar is out.  Online is out.  I've never met a guy at the gym or at the grocery store- so don't even mention it.  I don't really go to concerts, and I work Sundays now so I don't go to church anymore really...

WHAT'S LEFT.

Where can I look to find a good guy?

D